A decent story so far, but there were a lot of mistakes, the first and foremost is that you don't start new paragraphs when changing speakers and when you do they aren't spread far enough apart. this is crucial for the readers as this helps keeps the story clean and easy to read.
The second thing though not as severe in comparison, is the spelling of the names for certain characters. This is understandable because confusion can happen with pronunciation, but so far the only real mistakes name wise was "'Kakashi'" and "'Jiraiya'", hopefully this will help clear up any confusion for you.
Author's response
Yeah, about that, this is the ORIGINAL copy, not the one from FanFiction which is actually spaced correctly and the characters' names are spelled correctly there. Once I can access that site again the errors will be fixed. Thanks for reminding me, though, and it is great to hear your feedback.