Pre-Script: Hi Sage. You can feel free to skip this review, as you've already read it before. It is a re-post of the first half of my first ever review, which I had posted against Chapter 84 of Erroninja. Having discovered that you can make reviews against the story in general I figured it made more sense to move it here.
For those who read reviews before reading the story, please beware of potential spoilers for events up through chapter 84.
Greetings Lemon Sage,
First off, I want to apologize in advance for the length of this review, as this is the first time I've written a review for any fan fiction; let alone one as lengthy as Ero-Ninja. Since this is my first review for the story it will be part general review of the experience as a whole up to this point, before diving into specific notes related to chapter 84.
Secondly, I would like curse you from the depths of my soul for writing not one, not two, but three stories that I simply cannot get enough of, and must therefore languish in a hell of anticipation while awaiting the publication of the next chapter. Seriously, thank you so much for writing such excellent tales which take the shameful mess that the world of Naruto cannon became by the end, and resurrecting it as something far more expansive and meaningful; a world supported by excellent plotting, fleshed out with a logical and interconnected web of political, economic, social, and historical underpinnings, and filled with vibrant characters who all have their own ambitions and drive (as opposed to being walking talking window dressing). And that's not even mentioning all the hot and heavy action that flows just as naturally as the rest of the narrative. At this point I can definitely say that Ero-Ninja is, bar none, the single greatest piece of fan fiction I've had the pleasure to read; with The Pride and The Promise both being close behind.
Alright, enough with the praise and thanks for your writing talent in general, and on to my thoughts on Ero-Ninja as a whole, supported by some examples from previous chapters.
As mentioned above, one of the things I like most about your stories, Ero-Ninja in particular, is the amount of work that has gone into expanding the world in a believable fashion. Whether it be the differing styles of government found among the shinobi villages, such as the interplay of the varying power level and areas of influence shown between the Civilian Council, Clan Council, and Hokagke in Konoha vs. the more dictatorial style practiced in Kumo (with Ay's cult of personality); or the way you've used economic realities to help spread and cement Naruto's ambition; you have crafted a complex world where the gears of its inner workings make sense and that provide a much needed sense of realism to a fantastical world. For example, having previously mentioned in the chapters set in Hotspring village that the Land of Water was being price-gouged by the major shipping companies, due to its separation from the mainland, I found that it made perfect sense that the Mizukage would make use of Kin's fact-finding mission from chapter 5 of Little Black Book to get the more established companies to lower their prices; all without having to put her village at the mercy of a new entrant that could prove to be too good to be true. Moreover, having such a detailed world provides a larger sandbox within which you can place the many moving pieces of your plot.
Speaking of the plot, I really appreciate how you have the story being moved along not only by the actions of everyone's favorite hyperactive knuckle-head, though he's certainly grown substantially in the maturity department as written by you; but that the needle is also being moved through the actions of his lovers: such as Hinata's plans for the Branch Family to purchase a port in Rice Paddies, or how Konan has decided to reform Akatsuki, or the little sting operation Tayuya pulled on those scumbag producers in her Limelight chapter, not to mention the villains. In-fact, in terms of villains you've easily surpassed Cannon Naruto by not only introducing hints about Kaguya and her son early enough for their eventual reveal to not seem to be coming out of the blue, but also allowed you to properly set up multiple paths for her return; which would make sense given how long her son was supposed to have been quietly manipulating events from the shadows for thousands of years. So, while Tobi's Akatsuki may have been sent reeling, and menaces like Danzo and Orochimaru have been dealt with, we can still look forward to: the vengeance of a re-invigorated Sasuke and whatever deal he has worked out with Prime Minister Honest of the Land of Crows, the mysterious designs of a deeply entrenched cult and their connection to the Hyuga, the two halves of a very bloody coin in the form of the One-King and Eternal Sunrise movements, Kabato's scientific curiosity into the properties of Naruto's Chakra, the machinations of one M. Bison and his criminal syndicate, and the enigmatic Shadow Cabal (that seems to have a vested interest in several of the aforementioned), all before even getting to what I assume will be the penultimate showdown with Kaguya's son . Add to that those who may or may not prove to be major obstacles, and likely not in the same vein as your typical dyed in the wool villains, such as the Daimyos and the politics of their courts, other users of the Binding like Kanji, other Corrupter hunters like Suzume, localized threats like the Salamander Resistance, and some name drops (like Sosuke Aizen and Kaname Tosen in Kumo) that are likely up to something of their own (if not linked to any-one else), and it becomes easy to see why you once said that you were still in the setting up phase despite being more than 50 chapters in. I for one am definitely looking forward to how matters continue to unfold and evolve over the planned course of Ero-Ninja parts 1,2, & 3. With this many antagonists there are plenty of players to keep the ball rolling even against a protagonist that can currently count 1 Sage, 2 Kage, 3 Daimyo, and the majority of the Bijuu among his many allies.
Of course, what gives the story its heart, and a large part of why I can't get enough of it, is how well you've written the characters that populate the world. How you've had those characters grow and change in ways that make sense from where you chose to have your tale diverge from the Cannon time-line; especially considering where that ended. Having primarily watched the anime, I was always rooting for Hinata to take the inspiration that she derived from watching Naruto while loving him from afar, and run with it in order to show real growth and give Sakura, who I always thought was the one that would actually end up with Naruto, a run for her money. Unfortunately for my personal preference, Hinata never took those opportunities. The closest Hinata came to breaking out of her shell came when she tried to aid Naruto against Pain, but afterwards she faded back into obscurity (And as you pointed out in one of your Deviant Art posts, the Anime's take was far more flattering for both her character and her effectiveness when compared to what transpired in the manga). As such, I was resigned to Sakura winning out, which I was fine with; if the person who had first noticed Naruto's worth couldn't muster the will to make her feelings known than it made sense for it to be the comrade in arms, that the main character had always had his heart set on, to be the one to come out on top. So you can imagine my shock when instead Sakura ends up with Sasuke of all people; given his crimes he shouldn't have ended up with anyone at all. Ultimately, the pairings we were given at the end made a mockery of, and was a disservice to, the characters as portrayed up to that point. Which is why I am so very, very glad that you have treated them (the characters) so respectfully in your work. You have truly breathed new life into these characters for me. In-fact, I find your versions of the characters to be so well written, so real, that despite having a soft spot for the soft spoken Hinata, and fully believing that from a Canon perspective Sakura should have been the one to win the guy, I find myself really enjoying Ino's portrayal, as she is currently my favorite female character in the story; she's spunky, sexy, and devious as hell in getting other ladies to jump into Naruto's bed. While on the topic of women jumping into Naruto's bed, I wanted to point out another trait in how you handle the characters in Ero-ninja; which is that the women which join the Harem are given appropriate arcs to detail falling deeper into Naruto's orbit (loved Sakura's slow realization of just how much she missed Naruto, or Yoshino's moonlighting as a dancer at Club N), or in the case of some who were more quickly seduced giving the, moments of doubt and reconciliation (Ino pulling away after Kin's mindscape rescue, Anko's pulling away following that hilarious omake at the end of one of the recovering Mojo arcs, and Hinata's moment of self-doubt after Sakura's inclusion). As an aside, I'm loving the scene's where Anko gets Toki involved while playing with her Toy; also loved Yakumo's induction as she was one girl who had surmised what was going with Naruto beforehand but still eagerly sought him out. All in all I feel Ero-ninja, and your other two harem lemons, thrive because all the characters have defined personalities, which are then believably molded by the events within the story, bringing them all to life and giving them real reasons to form the connections that they do between Naruto and each other.
Before moving on to notes more geared towards chapter 84 in particular, I would like to offer a few brief thoughts on The Pride and The Promise in relation to Ero-Ninja.
In regards to The Pride, I really like the dichotomy between your portrayal of Naruto and how he goes about forming the respective harems. In Ero-Ninja we have a Naruto who, in part because of the breadth of his ambition, but also due to being in possession of a Jutsu that can raise a nearly uncontrollable level of lust in any woman and then Bind them to his wishes no matter what the woman herself might desire; has needed to approach building his harem in a more deliberative and restrained, though still heartfelt, manner; lest he fall into the type of moral trap that Kanji hoped to set for him. In contrast, in The Pride we have a Naruto whose pheromones, while powerful, only effect the behavior of those who, on some level, would desire Naruto, and can't not be used to unilaterally override the will of the women effected. This frees Pride Naruto to be more spontaneous and aggressive in pursuing his conquests; as he knows he has already received a form of invitation should they show signs of arousal. As a secondary note on The Pride, I'm also really enjoying the way that Sakura is acting as a driving force within it.
In regards to The Promise, I find the smaller size of the Harem to have its own charm, since it should allow for all the girls involved to get more consistent screen time. Also, I'm loving how perverted Hanabi is proving to be; an actual check list of fantasies and sex acts she wants to engage in with Naruto, that's a level of dedicated perversion that Jiraiya would be proud of. Sad to see Hinata going all Yandere and being set up as an antagonist, but given that the story has her being sequestered within the Hyuga compound since before the public matches of the Chunin Exams were held, and quite possibly removed from active shinobi duty, it makes sense that her character would fall into a very dark place as she is removed from the majority of positive social interactions she experienced in Cannon, and subjected to the soul-crushing environment the Hyuga seem to be in the story. Fingers crossed for a well plotted, if likely arduous, redemption arc for Hinata.