For those reading the reviews before reading the story; Please beware of spoilers, particularly for an event that happens in chapter 80.
Hello Lemon Sage,
I have a question concerning the geography of the world of Eroninja: Is the Land of Fire / Konoha situated along the equator?
I ask because thus far the story has spanned nearly three years worth of time in-universe, but weather conditions are rarely mentioned; so I'm assuming 99% of the action seen thus far takes place on days with pleasant weather that doesn't require extra layers. If the story is set along the equator this is almost, kind of, sort of, maybe believable. But if the climate of the Land of Fire is more variable, like say New England, then it really blows a hole in my suspension of disbelief when I stop to think about it; granted that isn't often as the plot, character interactions, and action tend to take center-stage, leaving thoughts about the weather by the wayside.
To date the most prominent uses for the weather have been: during Chapter 16:Target Konan & Chapter 17: Target: Shiho, where it was used to highlight the fact that Konan has been taken to Spring/Snow, provide Konan with some symbolic imagery for her choice to reform (pristine snow over a dirty city), as well as the fact that Spring can't keep the thermal generators on constantly without risking the fertility of the soil (nice touch there by the way). In Sakura's Limelight: A Heart No Longer in Autumn, the weather is used in a dream to symbolically showcase Sakura's joy at being in a relationship with Naruto while fearing what a confrontation with Sasuke could cost. In chapter 36: Target Rin the weather is cold, requiring some up-close and personal time between Naruto and Rin to keep warm following his fall into a nearby river, after sustaining a severe injury. In Chapter 5: Gathering Intel Before Establishing a Beachhead of Little Black Book, where the heavy fog experienced by Kiri helps lend it an ominous air; and in Chapter 38: Know Pain part I & Fu's Limelight: Home is the People You Live For, where the near constant rain is driven by Ame's depiction in Cannon. Counting the two visits to Ame separately that's six times the weather has really been described in significant detail, not exactly a lot in retrospect; especially when one of those occasions was in a dream.
Now to be fair, there were two other occasions, in addition to the six previously mentioned, where the weather helped accentuate the mood (Chapter 82: Revenge Arc Intermission: Hot for Teacher! where it rained the day of the funeral for Sakura's father) or to match-up with the time of year (Kurenai is wearing a jacket to keep the cold at bay on her date with Naruto in Chapter 75: Moving Forward by Standing Still: Part II, the same chapter with the New Year's eve charity auction), but didn't make a lasting impression as I didn't recall them until I came across them while re-reading the story. Still, even if these last two didn't stick with me like the first six they did aid the scenes the appeared in.
As such the one of the few constructive criticism I can make, that is non-grammar related, would be to increase the use of varied weather, or setting descriptions in general, used in the story to increase the sense of immersion. As an example of what I mean here are the first few paragraphs from chapter 5 of Wizard's First Rule by Terry Goodkind:
Richard held back the boughs of the tree. "This is a wayward pine," he announced. "Friend to any traveler."
It was dark inside. Kahlan held the boughs aside so he could see by the moonlight to strike steel to flint and start a fire. Clouds scudded across the moon, and they could see their breath in the cold air. Richard had stayed here before on trips to and from Zedd's, and had made a small fire pit of stones. There was dry wood and to the far side a stack of dry grass he had used for bedding. Since he didn't have his knife he was thankful he had left a supply of tinder. The fire was quickly started, filling the interior of the tree's skirt with flickering light.
Richard was not quite able to stand under the branches where they began growing out from the trunk. The branches were bare near the trunk, with needles on the ends, leaving a hollow interior. The lower branches dipped all the way to the ground. The tree was fire-resistant, as long as one was careful. The smoke from the small fire curled up the center, near the trunk. The needles grew so thick that even in a good rain it remained dry inside. Richard had waited out many a rain in a wayward pine. He always enjoyed staying in the small but cozy shelters as he traveled the Hartland.
In the span of three paragraphs you get a very good sense for what a wayard pine tree looks like, what it is used for, as well as how the two travelers are currently in need of a warm shelter. Granted, this much description might not fit your style since the majority of the Eroninja is either talking, lemons, or action; but I feel that additional description would lend itself to increased immersion in the world as you envision it. Now since you're using a world and characters already established in visual media a lot of the leg work is already done for you, as your readers likely have an excellent idea of what Naruto, Sakura, and others look like, or what various locations, like Konoha look like; or can quickly figure it out with a quick Google image search. Still, I do feel that the story could benefit from additional description, particularly when dealing with your own additions; for example, what does Kiyomi's property look like? We've gotten descriptions for the various hot springs, some of the rooms (mostly the library and study), and we know that there is at least enough room for one training field; but beyond that we don't know much about the property, which is implied to be fairly substantial, or what the house looks like from the outside.
Now, if you were to chose to focus only on one area to add additional detail I would recommend concentrating on the weather, as the start of this critique stated, and I would do so by deciding on what the standard weather ranges are for each area of the continent per season, and then plotting out in what season a given on screen event is likely to occur. This would help in two ways. First, it would provide a better sense of the passage of time, as we would be able to see/feel the march of time within the story itself, as the weather depicted that progress through the seasons; as opposed to now where the only clear marker of time is Naruto's Birthday, and everything else is mentioned as being weeks or months removed from some previous event detailed in the story. While this does provide some sense of when things occurred relative to each other, it is rather nebulous as to when in the year something is actually occurring unless we want to work backwards through events to the last birthday. I feel that showing us which season events are transpiring in, through greater reference to the weather, and on top of the time references already employed, would give the reader a more readily grasped picture of when an event is occurring and a more visceral sense of time passing; without tying events to too strict a time-line. Second, in addition to providing a greater sense of atmosphere to the story, knowing what the weather could be like would provide you with additional tools for affecting the story through the use of some Man vs. Nature conflict; a theme lightly touched on when Rin needed to use body heat to keep Naruto and herself warm following the fall into a cold river while on a cold day. Other examples of how the weather could be used to actually impact the story include: Impeding trade and travel due to the reliance on wagons and sail ships through-out much of the continent; heavy rains and snow can render mountain passes and river crossings impassable, or simply bog down travel on the dirt roads at lower elevations, while storms can blow ships of course or sink them. Rain and snow can also interfere with tracking a quarry. Droughts or flooding can both negatively impact the available produce and other plants used for trade. Heat waves with plenty of rain can help insects to breed, leading to the spread of disease. Finally a more specific example in regards to Konoha, had the area around the village been in the midst of a mild drought when Furofuki's tree drained the chakra from the surrounding forest, causing the plant-life to wither and brown, then the forests of Konoha could have been in-danger of potentially igniting into a conflagration due to careless travelers, intentional sabotage, or a as a result of heat-lightning.
Well, I hope you found my two cents constructive, and as always thanks for sharing your wonderful tale with us.
Author's response
Thank you for the suggestions.
To answer your question, I would say that it isn't along the equator, but positioned in the same temperature zones as California and Japan. As such, I don't feel there is huge degree of change in the seasons, with it being more rainy or dry. So primarily my basis would be California. I basis this on the fact in Fifteen years of the manga, we only saw it rain three times, usually to fit the mood. And it get down to Autumn like temperatures once when they attempted to shoehorn a scarf into the plot.in order to try and make Hinata relevant to the story while turning Naruto into a scumbag.
The reason I don't focus on the whether too often is so that when I do it sticks out. Furthermore, as I explained previously, the Naruto manga never gave me a reason to suspect the Land of Fire's whether was all that varied. After all, to me a place that could experience harsh winters and sudden freezing nights would never make their standard footwear open toed saddles.
Without really knowing the context of the story for the example you provided, I would say I feel he wasted three paragraphs where one would do. As for me, I prefer to let my readers' imaginations fill in such details since I feel it leads to better immersion for them. For example, I'm fortunate enough to have two artists doing scenes from Eroninja. They have both done a picture where they had the Taki Trio wearing their maid uniforms. StikyfinkaZ-003 came up with a unique design that was beautiful. While Shinteo gave the girls each different maid outfits taken from different styles of dress, both imaginations are just as valid due to how it was described. Whereas if I described the uniforms down to the last detail as the author of your example, then I define it for everyone.
The only time I really would do that though, is if I needed to strip them out of the uniforms, or some action needed to be performed where their manner of dress needed to be described. Then it becomes a matter that is relevant to the story, since delivering a kick would be easier in a sexy French maids uniform then a chambermaids. Your example of Kiyomi's mansion is another example of why, while I have described the entrance of Kiyomi's mansion. I did so in a way where it is still open to interpretation, after all when I pictured it I would have seen a foyer with marble and expensive oak staircases. When Stiky did his picture of the three Taki-nin he made it look like the one found in Scarface, which I like much better.
As to the seasons changing to better reflect time passage, well as stated I don't see the Land of Fire being set up that way. But more over, from the examples you provided, the whether is almost a another character, serving as an obstacle to a current task. Not really something someone is using to keep track of time, especially as the story might travel to a place with more extreme weather like the Land of Snow. But, another example is what season did the Course of Avatar take place over when they were in the Water Tribe and its the North Pole. Ultimately, that is why I use the birthday, I'm more concerned with the yearly passage of time rather than dialing it down to this event happened in this week of this year. To me, going into that level of detail just opens me up to future mistakes as it becomes another thing to keep track of.
But thank you for the suggestions.