Hello Lemon,
There's a lot of really impressive story telling in this fic. I enjoyed a great deal of it. I read it all in one go. It took me three weeks but I read everything that's currently posted and besides being equal parts exhausted and lascivious, I'm really glad I did. Seriously, there were many late nights where I was like, "just one more chapter.....Shit! It's already morning?!" Needless to say my budget for coffee this month is in the red.
I really loved the world you created/expanded... when I understood it. Truthfully, I've mainly read the manga and skipped the filler episodes in the show, so I had to look up some of the characters and countries/villages you'd use so I can get a mental picture. I really loved how you created significant conflict. The bad guys don't just serve the purpose of evil for evils sake. I just mean, they have their reasons. You do a really good job fleshing it out. Since I read this whole thing through, it felt a little repetitive at times but if I was starting from the first time you posted, I'm sure I'd forget many of the finer points and need the reminders.
It must be tough finding/balancing so many female motivations and personalities not to mention filling their history with the right amount of pulp, but you do it well. It makes sense why the Family would love and cherish him. Though I must say that such a man is easily unbelievable. It's not a big deal but it is a little hard to swallow that one guy can remember the birthdays, anniversary's, habits/kinks/traits of over SIXTY women. Do the women remember the same info for each member? You(the author) seem to take pride in explaining how something that's unbelievable can be believable, which is great, and while sometimes I can get behind it by thinking, "well, Naruto is just special," there are times when I feel it's just not feasible. It doesn't spoil the story for me but it's not impressive either. I can believe one guy can satisfy upwards of sixty women much easier than I can get behind him being perfect at maintaining all sixty-something of them. I suppose it's a hard balance to attain and then maintain, especially as you add more women. But again, it doesn't really ruin the story for me.
What does have me rolling my eyes is Naruto's philosophy. Now, this is just my opinion and I don't in any way mean to be cruel or hostile by expressing my thoughts. Ignore me if you like. I will say that your Naruto and his philosophy isn't inspiring. From the moment he chose his family over everything, even innocent lives, to the point he accepts that he's a selfish man to Moegi, he lost my consideration. What I mean by that is that he is a great head of his family but a terrible leader of a village. And that is disappointing because that is an every man for himself mentality. I don't mean to say Naruto won't help someone in need if he can, but given the choice between an innocent civilian/shinobi or one of his family members, it's clear he'll choose his family member. I think that's normal, and that there's nothing wrong with that... unless that same person also preaches that he want to bring the villages all together in harmony. Then I take issue with that. Because how am I suppose to follow someone who cares more about his family members than the whole. Again, I don't think it's wrong to care more about your house than everyone else, but I would never follow that guy. I can't trust that his decisions will my best interests at heart.
So I totally agree with Garaa. Because in that horrendous double date, Naruto said the magic words. He said he doesn't care about the Suna citizens. Truthfully, he doesn't seem to care about Konoha citizens either. Not when he has a chance to make his lovers happier than they already are. The citizens just happen to be in his safe zone. Garaa can't possibly place any faith in Naruto after that realization because Garaa has more than one responsibility. He's Garaa of the sand AND he's the bloody Kazekage. And that job means he's responsible for more people than his immediate loved ones. He has to think about Suna citizens he's probably never even met before, but as long as they call Sunagekure home, he'll watch over them to the best of his ability. This doesn't mean that I don't think the Alliance is built on shaky ground and NEEDS members that actually unite under the spirit of the union as much as the word it's written word. I totally think Konoha and Suna should shake out the wrong elements within Kumo but for Naruto to do it just so one of his lovers can be even happier than she already is, is selfish to a dangerous degree.
Also let me add that it's not like Yugito was unhappy in Kumo. She had the respect of the people, didn't she? She was with Naruto right? His dick rocked her world repeatedly, didn't it? She has a large family and support system that accepts her, correct? Than her life couldn't have been THAT bad. Sometimes you made it sound like she was miserable and needed to escape. Which is why, should they happen to go to war, the second some innocent son, or daughter, mother, or father, dies, on either side of the divide, because of the combination of Naruto's irrational selfishness and the Raikages mercenary narcissism... the second that happens, Naruto and his choices will be just as bad as Minatos. Only this time, instead of Kushina being sacrificed, it'll be someone Naruto doesn't even know. Minato may have put the village before his family but Naruto putting his family first could lead down the same path. Again, this is ONLY if some innocent person dies not knowing the real reason why. Think about that. Garaa having to inform a family that their loved one died for his village and the Alliance all the while know the reason, in part, was cause because Naruto wanted one of his lovers to be even happier. That would suck.... and truthfully I'd hate Naruto for making me do that.
On a side note, you're ragging on Minato a lot... like a lot! I'm not saying I don't agree with some of your points, I just feel that you bring it up too much. I mean, I get. Minato sucks at choosing his family first. It's making Naruto sound like some petulant child who hates his daddy simply because he's not the center of his universe. Minato made a bad/hard/wrong choice. I get it but there's no sense in constantly beating a dead horse and then bragging about it.
Now, I get that it must be hard to walk the thin line of your own vs your neighbor. So far, Naruto is very much of the ''my own matter more'' mentality, even though I know he'll save someone who needs it or protect a village who's getting attacked. But to anyone that's not in his family, that is in dire need of saving, I just hope one of his lovers isn't in jeopardy at that exact time because it's not hard to believe you are S.O.L. then.
"There's no saving you if one of mine needs me more," Naruto admits painfully but truthfully.
I know it's ridiculous to expect a person to save a stranger over a loved one if you had to choose. I know that. Superman has that problem. But if that person(I'm looking at you Naruto) has lofty dreams of uniting ALL under one, with some intention of leading the flock so as to not go astray, than he should also think about the well being of those that are not in his immediate circle. That's what being responsible for the many is about, whether it's the captain of a team, the head of a clan, the Kage of a village or the Daimyo of a country.
It's not like Naruto and the Fam couldn't have made other plans to shake up the Raikage's stubborn ways. Karui becoming the next Kage would have been the best solution if not a little longer down the line. I mean it's not like defecting was an immediate concern. There was no plans/hints of Yugito's impending demise. They're immortal and you're telling me they can't wait a couple decades? I agree shaking up Kumo into coming around and really embracing the spirit of the Alliance should happen, but in my opinion, nearly causing war by supporting Yugito defecting, which could lead to innocent lives being sacrificed was unnecessary and put Naruto and his Family in a negative light for me. Naruto knows it's selfish, right? Is he going to continue thinking that's okay? Lee is right, even if Naruto can't see it. IF the end result be conflict, innocent blood shed WILL not only be on Naruto's hands but Yugito's, the Family's and the Raikage's hands as well. They are all culpable and I don't expect Naruto to be so cavalier about it.
Just out of curiosity, do people enjoy the Kiba/Aeris/Yuffie chapters? I don't mind one way or another. I think it's funny that even though Naruto has more lovers than Kiba, the citizens of Konoha seem to just accept Kiba having multiple lovers. While I don't mind Kiba's elevation and this is your story(which means nothing I say really matters) I thought Konohamaru would spend more time with Naruto, or at least more than Kiba. I would've also enjoyed a Neji or Lee friendship.
I don't know what you would do with this, f anything, but I like how Neji feels weird with Hinata. I don't mean to imply that there is something there but I liked that more than the Kiba stuff. Not that I dislike Kiba, I'm just indifferent.
I know you've reinforced the Clones don't feel quite the same as the original but I personally believe you should use them with the ladies more. It doesn't make sense that girl number 60 has to wait what's likely hours for some quimsticking when the Fam have their orgies. It's like a Deli Store with one of those ticket number machines. If you have an itch for some deep dicking and happen to get number 65, you might as well take a nap or do laundry cuz it's going to be a while. At least use the Clones to prep his ladies, you know? I must say, I did enjoy Kurenai's induction. That was crazier than any of the other girls in my opinion. If they had a family album that's also like a school year book, Kurenai should get the title for hottest initiation. She should get a pin. I know Naruto has the stamina and semen capacity of a god but I still don't think 3 or 8 or 20 or 50 of the girls should have to wait when the beau can literally create exact copies of himself. And if they don't feel 100% as good as the original, it's okay because Naruto is working his way through the line.
I've come to grips with the whole pregnancy issue. But I do feel that out of more than 60 women, none of them wanting to be mothers is a statistical impossibility. They may not have desires to be mothers right away or even in a hundred years, but I'm sure eventually some may want to be mothers. How perfect does the world have to be before Naruto is okay with being a father? It's hard to imagine growing up without conflict. It's not like his children will be forced to be in the Hunger Games or something.
Also, They might as well register the Uzumaki Clan and send word far and wide to any remaining Uzumaki that their clan is revived. WHo knows what kind of characters that would attract. I know he has his Family but what if there are other Uzumaki out there who might be suffering. If it's not a hard thing to do, shouldn't he at least provide his kin with some safety from what could be a cruel or hard life?
I would think Kushina or Yuugao or Mito or Naruko would learn the Hiraishin before Tenten would. She's an odd choice for the Thunder God Technique to me. What's the point of having her teleport close to the danger when as a range fighter, she'll then have to move away so she can fight from a distance? I'm sure you have your reasons but still, Tenten wouldn't have been my first pick. For Tenten, I would've given her a crazy wicked summon like Yojimbo from Final Fantasy. Totally fits in my eyes.
Ultimately I really enjoy this story. I got it on my alerts. I'm glad I'll be able to return to a normal sleep cycle. And again, if my thoughts seemed offensive in any way, I do apologize about that. I've been told I have a soft voice which allows me to get away with being real blunt in RL but doesn't translate well in the written word. Anyway, thank you for your hard work and your dedication. As a reader I appreciate it very much and will continue reading your work. Thanks again.
--Abby
Author's response
Thank you for the review. I'm glad you've enjoyed the story thus far, and do hope you continue to do so.
I don't find it hard to balance the women's motivations. Since for me, one of the most important when writing this story was making sure the characters had reasons to actually be in the story. As to the feasibility, well I don't really find it that hard to believe, ancient rulers had Harems numbering in the hundreds and thousands. So while I don't believe those rulers perhaps had the same connection to those women as Naruto does for his. I don't think it is hard to believe with effort you could build true relationships with them. After all, in a sense I have to keep all those women straight, and that is while holding a full time job and responsibilities that don't deal with my story.
Naturally, I disagree completely in regards to your belief Naruto is wrong in his philosophy. After all, why is the stranger due more consideration then one of his lovers? Naruto would make a terrible village leader, which is why he turned it down. I could see your argument if he had accepted becoming Hokage, but he didn't precisely because given a choice he would chose a family member over a stranger. Recognizing this, he turned the position down. To me, it is something Canon Naruto should have done, since he is a terrible family man, but supposedly a good kage. He though decided he wanted both which is why his son despises him.
I also don't agree that is an everyman for himself mentality. It is just recognizing that all people are motivated by self interest. I don't assign nobility to causes or professions. To me, a teacher might claim they do what they do to educate the next generation. But in truth they're in it for the money just like the barista at Starbucks. They demonstrate this every time their unions go on strike because they claim they aren't making enough. Aren't they hurting the children by denying them the education they say is their driving motivation for becoming a teacher? Are they not using the children as props to drain more money from the system? Shouldn't the teaching be its own reward if they claim it is when not asking for more money? Ultimately, I prefer people would be honest with their motivations rather than trying to sound nobler then they really are. If you are going to strike until you're paid more, thereby denying the children their education then money is what is really motivating these teachers.
With that said, Naruto's goal to bring the villages together in harmony is born out a selfless spirit. He first started to make his teacher happy, which in turn would make him happy. Yet as he progressed, forward adding women from new places, it became about their happiness, which in turn makes him happy. Thus why would he allow them to suffer for the sake of strangers. So they'll go around and call him a hero, sure that would make sense if much like canon Naruto being recognized by the masses is his motivation. Thus his children in canon are a secondary concern as he goes about making sure he is a beloved Kage. They're both motivated by what makes them happy, and are actively pursuing it. Just because one's goal is to unite the shinobi world doesn't mean he is giving up his claim to be able to enjoy such a world as everyone else.
Furthermore, it should be under his terms this Happy world is achieved. Why? Because he is the one that is doing the work, along with his lovers. Must people, the ones you believe he should let Yugito suffer for, are if not happy by the current world are at least content with it as they do nothing to move things forward on their own. Thus what right do they have to dictate the conditions under which it is achieved? If a person wants a say in how things are done, then they should do something to effect the outcome. Taking myself for example, I despised the direction the Naruto manga was taking, and ultimately the lack of thought your average lemon fic displayed. Thus I created this story to have a say, and because of that the only person that will be completely satisfied by it is going to be me. I do it because I enjoy writing, but also because I want reviews. But, if I just sit back and complained then I would just have to accept the canon story and unoriginal lemon fics. By taking action, I alone expect the greatest reward at the end. Hopefully the readers will enjoy it as much as me, but I expect some will say, not a bad story, but I would have done X or Y. Thus, much like a teacher, Cop, soldier, or Hokage, I expect everyone takes to the tasks they set for themselves with some sort of reward expected for the effort. For me, a part of that reward are reviews such as this which I really enjoy.
After all, saying that man wants to unit the world doesn't mean the man himself is virtuous. Hitler wanted to as well I imagine. Thus to me, the complaint that because Naruto prioritizes his family he shouldn't take up the cause, to me is a complaint stemming from a belief that a person doing nothing to effect the outcome deserves the same reward as the person doing the heavy lifting. I don't agree with that because I think people deserved to be rewarded for their efforts, not just lounging around.
Thus to me, agreeing with Gaara might prove rather foolhardy if you don't consider his motivations for his beliefs. For example, what if his being a Kage is solely about his own redemption. Thus by being willing to sacrifice Sari for the benefit of the masses it is solely about his trying to forgive himself for his earlier rampages which he gauges through gaining the affection of the village. Wouldn't you agree that even as the people of Suna are benefiting his actions that they are wholly self-serving, just like Naruto? To me, the truly virtuous thing is one of them is being honest about it. After all, I believe in the individual over the collective. The collective can be just as self serving as a person, but a person rarely gets the same slack the collective gives itself.
After all, people that believe in the collective over the individual will defend things like the Uchiha Massacre. You yourself are okay with Yugito being essentially a slave for Kumo, because she is kept in a gilded cage, and to address that would disrupt the collective. But wouldn't an individual that recognizes that they are in a cage still yearn for freedom. Isn't is selfish of the collective to demand her to stifle that yearning for its own benefit, or is it acceptable because there are more people that benefit from her remaining where she is. To me, the collective is thinking of itself just as much as Naruto, they just use their superior numbers as justification for their selfishness.
The reason I'm ragging on Minato so much are precisely because of comments like this. I don't agree with the choice Minato made and I don't think the Naruto I believed in would either once he realized his father turned him into a weapon at the expense of his mother. Remember the Naruto that claimed he wasn't going to be a tool for the shinobi system, well he died in the manga, but here he is alive and well. His mother and him were used as tools, why shouldn't he be upset about it? Moreover, he's upset about it in a world that kisses Minato's ass for turning him into one. Comments like yours just prove it is an uphill battle among readers, imagine if you held that opinion in the village of Konoha.
As to the comment about needing saving with one of his lovers are on the line. To be honest I feel that is the case with everyone, after all aren't there plots where a villain will kidnap a loved one to make the hero betray a duty. Would it really be virtuous if he let them die to stay true to random strangers. To me, that is a lose, lose situation and ultimately it comes down to what consequences a person in that situation can live with. But neither choice makes him more virtuous except in the eyes of the people that benefited or were hurt by his decision, which if it is the collective usually would see his chosing it over the family member as being the more heroic. The family member might be willing to forgive him for failing them knowing the pressure that he was under.
For the clones, I just don't mention it because I focus on the original and the women he is with. But, it isn't hard to imagine they are used in a variety of ways.
As to pregnancy, well consider that a sign of the collective in regards to the family. After all, one of the reasons Naruto didn't target Shion earlier was because she wanted him to give her a child. Ultimately, I feel women that join the Family do find that bringing a child into it would be rather disruptive, giving them even less access to Naruto then they already receive.
Yes, there probably are as Karin and him can attest. But, why is it his responsibility to provide a safe haven for a clan that he was never a part of and has been defunct since before he was born? Perhaps future events though will show that this might be something worth considering...
To me, Tenten makes a better choice as it follows the progress I've made with her character. She's been training with Tsunade since joining the Family, she doesn't need to retreat to fight at a distance. Plus, her mastery of seals and her perfect aim would make her a threat to deliver a kunai exactly where it needs to be. The others are all skilled already, or will grow in different ways.
Thank you again. I didn't take offense by your comments and hope mine aren't either. I appreciate your bluntness because it conveys an honesty that most people go out of their way to avoid. Thank you again.
Sincerely, The Lemon Sage.