Well hell, this started dark and then went black.
Dumblemort is scary evil, it begs many questions as to how he became so. Not that it matters, that (or anything else you spent a chapter world-building) seems like a lot of wasted words. Given the Xover, I'm assuming that that was the end of any HP world interaction... including Hermione.
So it seems likely to be H/Hr only in the loosest possible of terms (death note confession of love is not a relationship, they never even got to look into one another's eyes!). It seems odd that you'd bother putting a pairing for a paltry few sentences of non-mutually exchanged confessed feelings.
Due to my disgust at the above, I'll withhold rating the story until he settles into his new world.
Hopefully, Harry can find love in the SWG, it is obvious that he was never shown any in this one.