This is my first crack at reading Staw wars Fan fic so here goes. First I had to put the movie out of my mind to accept this. second I had to replay the actors in my mind to recreate the scenes. Then it was easier after that.
Yes this could have play on the big screen with out any problem and still worked into the movie. In fact I think your version was better. But Alsa, this still only a alternate Version and will go no further then your writting.
The thoughts of Sidious and the scheaming planing and calulating were well done in my opinion.
I still think That Windu's control over his anger would have been better. I know that this is AU but I think that bit could have been slighty differnt.
But other then that it was fine.