I only know what I know about Rent from listening to the soundtrack, but I know lots about the "visiting a person you love in the hospital, knowing he'll die any day now" thing. I really like the emotions behind your work, and how Roger's weakness makes Mark weak, and the ackwardness of trying to talk to someone about normal everyday things when you can't stop thinking about the illness. But it feels kind of unfinished right now, and I'm trying to think of what you might add. The walk out of the hospital room? Returning to some semblance of normalcy, Mark digesting what he's seen? Or maybe interaction with a hospital worker or something? Though I wouldn't want to draw focus away from the relationship.
At any rate, very nice story. :)