Wow, I love the analogies!! You're a very strong writer. I always enjoy reading your works. Your descriptions are pleasing and the story flows well. Good work!
Also, from a critiquing POV, I'd go back and fix the minor grammar errors that litter this fic. It takes away from the story. The line-breaks and paragraphs are better, but I'd either indent or make certain all the paragraphs are spaced equally.
That's my two cents. Much love,
Saffy
Author's response
Thanks for the critique as well! I think most of the problems I have is that I write at work on my lunch hour and have to re-read bits which I guess looses the errors at times. Thank you! I am glad you enjoy it too