(#) Rous 2006-04-11
I like how this is going, with one exception: the tense. I am finding it difficult to read in the present tense. I keep waiting for the set-up to catch up with the story. Admittedly, I am only through half of the first chapter; however, I am not sure I can finish. It holds promise and otherwise seems well written. The only other thing that caught my eye was some of the punctuation is off. Semi-colons would be of more benefit in some instances.
I definately will check out some other things, if the tense thing is not a signature. Thank you for sharing.