Review for Brotherly Love

Brotherly Love

(#) Ithilwen 2006-04-16

"Though our encounters are not always happy."

This isn't a complete sentence; I think it's a subordinate clause. Try connecting it to either of the sentences next to it.

"Shouldn't have," not "shouldn't of."

"I closed off the sound, and listened to the under message."

Underlying message?

In general, non-independent clauses linked by a coordinating conjunction (and, but, so, yet, or, nor) do not need a comma separating them.

heartbeats is one word

"Though their was always one thing that could break my cool."

There was.

"To ensure you are okay."

The word "okay," seems a little modern and informal for the voice that you've given this character so far.

Heheheheh! Tricky tricky. Jumping to the end to open this review window spoiled it for me, but I like the concept.

Author's response

Thankyou for your review! I went back to edit, to try and fix some of the problems you pointed out.

Your quite right in that okay was too informal for the voice used.

Hee~ I wrote this a while back after reading one too many sappy Inuyasha/Sesshoumaru fics, and then seeing someone try to promote the Tessaiga/Tensaiga pairing a while back.

Again, thankyou for reviewing!