It's not just girls WHO have a monthly problem. Using the word "that" there implies that you're not talking about "those girls who have a monthly problem (because not all of them do)."
Easygoing is one word.
"While Jinenji was a simple fellow, easy going, friendly and forgiving."
This isn't a whole sentence. Try linking it to the next one.
"repetitive game, that fate played with him."
You don't need this comma.
"The problems his human form would cause if discovered, were immense."
Either put another comma before "if," or nix the other one.
"many that hated him, would use knowledge"
You can get rid of this one too. This whole thing is a bit comma-happy. It needs a good grammar beta.
I think I've read this before, but it was nice to revisit. I'd forgotten the line at the end. Jinenji's mother did mention his dad's unearthly beauty.
Poor Jinenji. I wish he could become functional.
Author's response
Yeah, Jinenji really does get a rough situation in Inuyasha, I always really feel for the hanyou's in that story; its a world thats so antangonistic towards them.
I wanted to try and explain why he might feel the need to hide his human form; since he effectively told Rin why he was hiding, even though he still refused to come out. The twist that as a human he might look more like his beautiful father, than his normal form did, struck me as highly ironic in an interesting way.
Heh. I'm afraid my grammar is my weakest point, especially with comma's, in my writting I think, this actually did get beta'd a while back. I tried to fix the mistakes you pointed out, thanks for the advice.
Thankyou for re-reading and thankyou for reviewing!