Inuyasha goes from gentle to harsh with no real transition. We see Kagome's thoughts well enough, but perhaps you could give us more of what she sees in Inuyasha. Does she watch him become upset with her?
So what happened to "osuwari"? Last I heard that was pretty effective at restraining Inuyasha, even as a full demon. While we're at it, what happened to Tessaiga? Why is Inuyasha full-demon in the first place and why would full-demon Inuyasha want to do anything but fight?
So Inuyasha dies right after that? That doesn't make sense. Does she kill him?