Review for All I Ask of You

All I Ask of You

(#) kirayasha 2007-01-04

Sorry, I've gone into beta-mode here... I've found a couple of typos:

This "from the rain pouring" would read better if you wrote "from the pouring rain"

"sitting ideally under..." I think you mean "sitting idly.." here.

Another thing, Sango always calls Miroku "Houshi-sama"

This "that his hair had already become wet" should be "that his hir was wet"

Instead of calling Kaede's hut "quaint" you should try using another adjective, perhpas something like "small."

And lastly, go back & fix your spacing. While this was a shorter story, it was still hard on the eyes as it appears like one big block of text rather than paragraghs.

But other than that it wasn't a bad story! It ahs very good bones to it & with a few tweaks here & there I'll bet you'll get more reviews!