(#) koppe 2007-01-22
Good story so far, hope you'll keep it going through their budding relationship and preferbly until their child is born (or better, it finishes Hogwarts :-).
Thought you got a little too technical about the egg+sperm-cell -- as well as missed a few facts (like it would not be a featus for a while yet, but rather a zygote and a little later a blastocyst). That the sperm and egg combined; and a bond was forged between the parents, would've sufficed.
I'm looking forward to more chapters soon (keep up with the sex-descriptions), keep up the good work!
Author's response
Thank you for reading and responding; it is an excellent way to help improve my writing. I wanted to mark a time when the bond between embryo and parents first began and the image of the yin and yang was one that I have actually seen in developing embryos - I love that image and wanted it in my story. I have this story outlined to the point where the baby is born, beyond that I'll let the reviewers let me know if I should sequalize.