It's rough around the edges, there's no denying that, but this story has promise. I hope to see more soon.
In terms of corrections, the only GLARING one was you calling Remus "Sirius" when saying he was fighting Wormtail.
No. You read it wrong. It says:
"There, on his left side, he saw his last link to his parents and Sirius dueling Peter Pettigrew."
So, as you see, it's 'the last link to his parents and Sirius', and not Sirius dueling.
Thanks for the review. By the way, when are you going to update your stories?