Review for Black Vengeance - 1

Black Vengeance - 1

(#) red_jacobson 2007-02-01

good morning; I'm liking this story so far; it's got a very interesting premise. The only thing I would mention; is the dialogue seems really stilted for each of the characters; they all seem to talk alike, and that's not how they would really talk. I can see Hermione being really precise with her speaking; but the others would probably be a little less formal in private conversations. I hope this is making sense; but it's very early in the morning and my caffiene hasn't kicked in yet GRIN


By the way; if you don't feel comfortable with Harry/Hermione/Cho; then I'd vote for Harry/Hermione.


Author's response

Thanks for your review - it was most helpful. About the dialogue (cringes), I know - it is just that I tend to be a little too formal while writing. I will make more of an effort into making them sound like themselves. Thanks a lot for pointing it out. Harry, Ron and others should at least sound a little less pompous.

Thanks for the opinion regarding the ship, and thanks for reading and reviewing.