(#) Rous 2007-02-15
Very nicely constructed. However, there is a lot missing. Is this part of something bigger?
I did find a couple of niggles.
Third paragraph- worrying to worrisome.
Fifth paragraph- commenced means beginning.
Again, a good story, as far as it goes.
Thank you for sharing.
rous
Author's response
Commenced does mean beginning, which was the intent. You're right about this being a part of something bigger. It's the only part that's really been put into story form though, and I don't foresee any other part of it getting into such a form. If some other idea comes up, I'll do it, but I wouldn't hold my breath.
I came back to reread some of my old stuff after a while, and hey, in the fifth paragraph commenced is used wrong. Sorry for brushing you off, I thought I had used it oddly, but intentionally, somewhere else, and didn't bother to investigate. Maybe that'll show me.