the first two lines are out of sync with each other. the first line is really long, going all the way across the page, and then going into the second line it's shorter and there's a big space in the middle of the second line. makes it hard to follow. in the last line, i think there's an "i" missing or maybe you just wrote it that way... anyway, the poem has good content but it was a little hard for me to follow with the beginning and the last line throwing me off. maybe that was your intention. :)
Author's response
this was the very first poem i ever wrote so it's not my best but it is still my favorite. i decided never to change it despite its flaws