Oh, I was gritting my teeth in a good way through this story. It surprises me to see Auron as such a cranky and reluctant novice (in the first few paragraphs), and yet he was impulsive and short-tempered on Braska's pilgrimage, and a few traces of it remain even at thirty-five and Unsent. The interaction with Kinoc is masterful, just the right mix of cocky kids, pent-up emotions stretched to the breaking point by their weird environment, Auron's experience and the early glimmers of his deep-seated instinct for being true to self, and his awkward incomprehension of another person's distress. (He had problems dealing with Tidus as well, it seems like.) I especially liked his abstract, ever-so-Auron " That was not the proper use of weaponry" in the middle of a rather dangerous and out of control moment.
I have a bad feeling that apple's not going to bring any good to either of them.
Author's response
I might have made them a bit too cocky in this one. I think young Auron is constantly struggling with this tendency to be proud --he is constantly having to rationalize and explain away his emotions. It can't be pride, pride isn't a monklike attribute!
I rewrote this story a bit too much, I think. In another draft, I gave them a friendlier interaction, but it just didn't seem in character. At least not in the setting. Maybe I just wanted them to duel. Hah.
Thanks for the thoughtful feedback, as usual. :)