ummm i cant read the story sorry but it's kind of messed. it has liek \\\\\'s everywehre and it keeps saying /n/n/n/n/n and stuff. you might want to get rid of those. please. it sounds good though.
Author's response
Thank you so much twinklestar. I never relized it until I looked over again. I looked it over so now you can read it over in its new form if you wish.