Review for Family Issue

Family Issue

(#) Geovanni_Luciano 2007-03-07

OK, Complaint.

She pulled open his robe and sat him down on the chair, then lifting the edge of her gown sat on his lap, enveloping him in the process. He leaned slightly back and she pistoned up and down with the vitality and exuberance of the youth she was.

Too bloody short. Take advantage of your rating and go for a few, or more than a few, descriptive paragraphs. It's not all that difficult. OK, end of complaint.

I look forward to your next chapter.

Geovanni Luciano

Author's response

Thank you for reading and reviewing, and thanx for the constructive criticism, it is helpful. I will try to be a bit more descriptive (and keep it in the R category here) I have also posted a more explicit version on RestrictedSection.org, same penname, but I'm doing a significant rewrite as I go along - essentially self betaing. Betaing, is that a word? I’ll be out of town for the rest of the week, but will try to post the next chapter on Sunday.