Mm, I think it's just little things, that are easily fixed if you wanted to. Like Naruto calling Sasuke "emo" even though it's probably not a word that would hold much meaning for ninjas. I mean, do the Hidden Villages even have "emotional hardcore" or those kinds of moderns classifications of teens? So that kind of threw me off, but not that much.
And, this might just be a personal style point for me, but I found that capslocking words for emphasis comes off as really jarring to me. I would italicize them instead, just because you have so many emphasized words, but that's just me.
In any case, I did enjoy the story very much and I think you did a good job with it.
Author's response
yeah, i really wanted to italicize them, but the story wouldn't upload from word like that, so i either had to forgo the accent completely or capitalize the words
yeah, okay, that makes a lot of sense. I've never really thought about it before now, but i can see what you mean about the whole 'emo' thing.
Thanks again for your advise, it was really helpful! ^^