It all sounds like a soap opera...First she rejects him, then he rejects her, then she does it again...There's no flow. Besides, i think you should do a little research before you write, cause if your ribs are really broken, there is no time to argue and make out in the bathroom. You need to hurry to the hospital. And...you should re-read the chapter before submitting to check all the spelling and gramma mistakes.
I'm sorry if i offended you in any way. Your story is not bad, you just need to put some more thoughts and work in it. Im sure if you really try, you can write a masterpiece:)
thank you for your opinion and no you've not offened me. i wouldn't ask what you think if i didn't really want to know. you make good points and thank you for that but on the other hand it's just a fiction and it's just for fun. yes i know it's not going to be exactly perfect and it nost defiantly isn't going to be a best selling novel but thats why it's on a fanfiction site not in a book store.