omfg, this story has had me rolling damn near on the floor. I love it, the writing is great imho, and i havent noticed any major error's to cannonite style (other than the whole slpicing which is a major keystone to the plot), grammer and all is fine. Nice work all around =) Hope to see it updated soon, and it's about to be added to my favorite's list as well.
Cheers,
ArxS