I adore the way that Lulu is so nonchalant in the face of the powerful storm, even with trees crashing and splitting around her. I am amused at the sarcastic sort of way she treats the storm as if it's a kid with a penchant for showing off.
I like the way poor Rikku is so defensive of her right to be near the Temple. Poor kid, I guess some of the Besaid Island residents must really be giving her and the Al Bhed visitors a hard time.
I like the way Rikku admires the rain sound in the tent for sounding like a machine. I am amused by her hero worship of Lulu which seems to make Rikku think only half-jokingly that Lulu might stop the storm.
I really like the way that Lulu is so casual about disrobing.
I enjoy the way that Rikku is so interested in Lulu's things.
I think she's very cute and I like the way she seems to adore Lulu with a little-sisterish worship.
I like the way they gossip and dish together about Wakka. I amused by how Lulu wants him out from underfoot. I love the way that Rikku gets exicted when she is compared to Wakka and comes out on top as being more mature.
I can really see the two of them developing this kind of relationship so it's awesome to see you writing it.
I like the way Lulu is tough adn won't let Rikku lie and how she knows something is wrong.
Ha ha ha. I adore the sexy nightdress and the way that Lulu is embarrassed by it, but Rikku actually seems to admire it a little.
I love "sphere full of secrets" but I love many of your turns of phrase here.
I really like how one second Lulu is all big-sisterly lecture and the next she's sort of propositioning Rikku.
I am also highly amused that Lulu doctored Rikku's tea. :) This is a lovely story so far and I look forward to more.
Nitpicking:
"Stacking them under the outer awning of her hut, she returned to the open air and tilted her face towards the hidden roof of low-hanging clouds, closing her eyes as the rain began to spat again, pricking against her cheeks." Replace "spat" with "spit."
". . . and a few cushions drawn up on either side of a low table, where Lulu had set out two earthenware mugs." Add "were" after "few."
Author's response
Wow. Thanks as always for your incredibly thorough and frank review and nitpicking!
I'm very pleased. I wasn't sure whether it would be boring or interesting if I tried to portray accurately the kind of friendship from college I remember and treasure. There were never any explicit teaching-sessions quite to the extent that I'm imagining here, but still... it was a lovely and nurturing dynamic. I'm glad I was able to convey a slightly idealized version of it. :)