Ok, finally finished reading all the chapters, battling against whatever godawful server ficwad uses, and I LOVE it. Mel is a really good character, and it's nice to have a non-stunning/unusual looking protaganist (GO BROWN HAIRED BROWN EYED PEOPLE!) Couple of things, Chrono is really annoying and very unrealistic, and its slightly worrying that Mel's best friend currently appears to be a hologram, and the fact it can become solid is just unbelievable for me persoanlly. Also, the begining, where you say one thing and then go on to say you actually meant something else was way too wordy and felt a bit like you were trying to be clever but were just being confusing. However as soon as she arrived at the lab things picked right up and I have been completely hooked ever since. I love the character development, (although I hope you meant it to be obvious that the brain damaged dragon whisperer is Alex's dad, or am I jumping the gun? :p) and the little details you put in, like the Joy/Jenny stuff, and the pokemon's individual personalities. Anyway, in short, I adore it and WRITE MORE :)
Author's response
Sorry about Ficwad's server, I can't do anything about that, sadly. ^^;
I'm glad that you like Mel. Sometimes I find her just a bit too sweet and understanding. I need to give her some real flaws. I created this fic after reading one too many Mary-Sue'd Original Trainer fics, and I was sick of girls with pale skin raven wing black hair, and red eyes. That kinda showed through a little too much in the first chapter, I'm guessing. As several new comers to MoS have pointed out, the first chapter is awkward (I'd call it pretentious, now that I have almost 2 years distance from it, but at the time I thought I was being oh-so-funny). I really will have to get around to cleaning it up.
I'm sorry that you think Chrono is unrealistic. I'm trying to make him as realistic in personality that an advanced piece of super programing can be. They are all the way up to Porygon Z, now, I would have thought that a hologram like Chrono would have been invented. As for the solid/non-solid thing, my only experience with holograms in fiction comes from "Star Trek: Voyager" were their doctor is capable of doing the solid/non-solid thing. Any abilities or traits that Chrono has will probably be able to be traced back to either 1) Pokedex abilities, 2) Porygon because they're the cannon hologram thing, or 3) The Doctor.
However, if you have any suggestions on how to improve Chrono personality-wise, I'm more than willing to hear them. I have enough trouble keeping Mel and co. in the spirit of ten-year olds (Guess why I made two of them 12, and ensured that Leagues could start until everyone is 11 - 14). I can use all the help that I can get on the pokemon, and extra characters like Chrono.
I also understand your concern about Mel's best friend being basically a piece of machinery. It is a little worrying, but Melamine isn't supposed to be good at social skills. She's not angstily bad at it, but a lot of stuff hasn't quite clicked yet. She's the girl in the class with the pet rock, just remember ^^. She will start getting to know Adam and Matt better, and become closer to the two of them, as well as a few other characters that you've met. This is a growing experience for her.
I do try to establish things like this early on, so you can see the character develop from where they start out (a small girl who loves her sisters to nearly sickening bits, and collects plastic figurines does change over time, we hope) to where they end up. And speaking of establishment. Yet, that was a blatant hint. It's not the entire story, but I wanted to give Alex some background without coming out and just shoving it down everyone's throat. I'll be doing the same for pretty much all the characters if they have any back story to speak of. The problem is it's so much easier to invent really angsty backgrounds and much more fun than writing stable, caring familial relationships. There's a fine line between realism, and interesting narrative extras, and I'm hoping that all of my reviewers are going to whap me across the head if I cross it. I see Chrono's already getting a little too close to that edge. ^^
Anyway, thank you for your suggestions. I should warn you, it's taken me almost 2 years to write this much, and I'm averaging less than a full chapter every two months ^^. I am writing more. Just slowly. Very slowly...
=^.^= IWCT