Well its okay plot wise, some of your ideas are a little over used in other stories. Your writing not the greatest, you could use a little work on your grammer skills. I recommend getting a prereader to help you out.
I would volunteer but I can't I just don't have the time.
I hope that your next chapter is better than this one. Just take your time and do it right. You do show promise.
I will read your next chapter when I gets out.
bmat