I enjoy Nooj's suspicion and his thought that the Crimson Squad is not an elite force, but that they have been assembled for another purpose. It seems very like Yevon to have deliberately sent the Squad into the Den of Woe, knowing what they would encounter there. You write Nooj's voice well.
Author's response
This story has managed to morph into a quartet of stories as three very fine writers have joined me in a sort of meta-meta-meta-fic. They are each writing in journal style from the points of view of the other three participants in this exercise. Their versions are posed over at FFN. If you would care to have a link to them, visit my LJ at http://www.livejournal.com/users/kunstarniki/
and I will be happy to direct you.
I am glad you find this pleasing since it is my first try at writing in first person singular and I felt somewhat unsure at the beginning.