FicWad

I climbed on the tour bus again. We just finished another interview. I took in the oh-so-familiar surroundings of the living room as I made my way to my bunk.

I laid down and closed my eyes. A few minutes later I heard some shuffling beside me. I opened my eyes to a bright green Frankenstein mask in my face.

"Hiya!" Frank practically shouted.

"Gosh Frank, your such a dork!" I said as I playfully hit him in the side of the head.

"You know that's why you love me," He leaned over and kissed me on the cheek.

"Yeah, Yeah," I swatted at him.

Frankie disappeared, thankfully. Were they not getting as tired of each other as I was? I mean, you can only stay around the same four people for so long before their faces become annoying. I closed the curtain and switched on my Playstation 3.

I miss home, a lot. I'm tired of sleeping in this stupid bunk every single night. We still have two months left on this tour and I'm sick of it. I wonder if I could just go home and they could replace me for the rest of the tour.

Is this really any was to live anyway? On a bus? And for what, a whole bunch of teenagers? I'm wasting hours on a bus for some fifteen year old kids that just want to drool over Gerard.

Do they really even care? I have to ask myself that sometimes. Kids stopped listening to us because we got big, but did we really change? I'm still the Ray Toro I was six years ago.

Sometimes I just feel like raw steak being dangled in front of ravenous lions. Our fans are constantly fighting each other and stereotyping one another. Don't they realize that's exactly what we're trying to stop? Are they even paying attention to what our songs are saying?

I rolled over after turning off my console, letting all of these thoughts float around in my head...

"I can't do this anymore, Gerard."

"Hmm? You can't do what anymore?" Gerard didn't look up from his drawing.

"This, the band." Gerard's pen stopped moving and he looked up at me.

"It's about time you came around to quitting." He stood up and began walking towards me.

"What do you mean, about time I quit?"

"Don't you realize we don't need you? All the people really want is my brother, Frank, Bob and I. Nobody wants you. Frank can do all of you guitar parts and entertain twice as good as you. It's time for you to go."

"Go? Go where? Gerard, we're on a moving bus!" I looked at him skeptically as he grabbed my arm and began pulling me towards the front of the bus.

"Oh, he finally quit?" Mikey smiled up at us like he had been anticipating this for a while.

"Yeah," Gerard returned the smile as Mikey waved and we were in the living room.

Frankie was holding the bus door open and I could see the street passing. Bob was asleep on the couch facing the tv where Mr. Bean was running around on the screen.

"It was nice during Revenge, but now your just not what the people want anymore. This is for the best," Frankie said as Gerard led me closer to the door.

Finally we were all the way to the door and I turned around to say something but they pushed me out before I had the chance...

"No!" My eyes shot open and I saw the ugly brown curtain in front of me. Next I saw Bob's head poking in.

"Are you alright man?" He looked slightly worried.

"Yeah, just a...nightmare." I pushed my hair out of my face and sat up, as much as you can in a bunk.

"Oh, ok. Well it's only another hour until we're at our next venue, we're already in Chicago," Bob said with a smile.

"Alright, thanks."

Bob nodded and went away, to the back room I'm guessing. About a half our later I had changed clothes and was tying my shoes in the living room. I looked at the tv were Mr. Bean happened to be playing and decided to watch it until we got there.

The time went by pretty quickly and soon the bus driver as announcing our arrival.

I was the first one off of the bus, relieved by the fresh air ad sense of freedom from that cage called a tour bus. Sometimes all it feels like is a traveling circus. All we are are the elephants that entertain for an hour or two then go back into our cage for umpteen hours before the next display.

I entered the backstage area where I saw my Gibson sitting across the room. I ran over to it and picked it up. As soon as I started playing I felt a bit better. Playing always made things feel better to me. We had about an hour to practice but I really didn't feel like seeing the boys so I asked to practice on my own.

I ran through all of The Black Parade songs and a few from Revenge before it was time to start getting on stage.

Gerard had already given up the whole hospital bed bit so he was standing by the stage, microphone in hand, waiting to be told to go on stage. I had my guitar slung over my shoulder and plugged in, ready to play the first note whenever Gerard needed me to.

I was always there for him, I did so much for this band. How could he say that they don't need me? It was a dream. Oh, right.

The guy counted down from three and I began to play before Gerard began singing and walking onto the stage.

"Now come one come all to this tragic affair. Wipe off that make up, what's in is despair..."

He continued to sing as I played and walked on stage with the rest of the band.

Next we played Dead, of course.

"Have you heard the news that your dead?"

I sure feel dead. Dead to our fans. Dead to my band members. Dead to my best friends. Playing this song only made me angry but eventually it was over. I swear that was the longest three minutes of my life.

The show continued like normal and soon we were playing Sleep.

This took me back to when we stayed at that God forsaken mansion. It was pretty pointless now that I really think about it. I mean, what did we get out of it? Sure, Gerard wrote a lot of the songs there, but he could do that anywhere. Mikey almost went insane. Does Gerard enjoy doing thing like that to his own brother, to his best friends?

"The hardest part, is letting go of, your dreams."

I almost stopped playing as those words departed Gerard's lips. Luckily I only missed a couple of notes before I was able to pick back up.

I walked over to the edge of the stage and looked out into the crowd. I saw kids with tears streaming down their face as they sang along with Gerard. I saw kids struggling to stay standing from exhaustion as they had been jumping and singing their heart out.

Why hadn't I realized it before? It does matter. It all matters. Yeah, there are the kids that listen to us just to be "cool". Yes, there are kids who stopped listening to us because "too many people listen to us". But we mean a lot to some kids. Some kids are sincere and need us. What have I been thinking these past few days? [i]Nonei] of this is pointless.

When the song was over I walked over to Gerard and gave him a hug before flashing a smile at the rest of the band and the audience.

Now I realize how stupid I've been. All of the ignorant thoughts I've been having, [/I was wrong.

I love doing this.

This is what I want to do for the rest of my life.