FicWad

Gerard’s POV

“I love you” she said, gun still pointed at her head, still in the position to do the most damage and make most of the police present projectile vomit.
“I love you too” I said, hands shaking, eyes sore from crying, yeah I know its weak, but I wasn’t going to lose the best thing that had ever happened to me, and I couldn’t take my eyes off of her.
I kissed her softly, and knowing that those warm lips would soon be cold and dead, and I welled up again, I couldn’t bare to lose her, my one and only, my whole world, my heart and soul, the girl who had saved me so many times, the girl who had made me smile with just thoughts of her, soon those thoughts would be horrible memories, in which I would wish id said different things, made her happier, saved her.
She stood there, wearing black skinny jeans and an Avenged Sevenfold t-shirt, I never liked them, and would get annoyed a little when she would go on and on about them, but know I wished id listened more to her, cherished those moments when shed fall asleep on me, greet me with a hug and a smile, a beautiful heart-stopping smile that brightened up my day as soon as I saw it, soon her mouth would move no more, never again would I see a smile so beautiful.
Her arms, red with blood, dripping onto the white carpet, the cuts overlapping like crazy paving that a child had spilt red paint onto, and their parents had tried to clean it up, but it had still seeped into the cracks. Her hands, now red, scared me, I didn’t like it when she did that, I’d tried to help her stop, but nothing I seemed to do, nothing I ever said, made her stop, and it frightened me every time I was shown the cuts and scratches, the markings letting me know she wasn’t okay, and that I never could make things okay.
I was going to miss her, the words ran through my head, and I wished I could say them; I built up all my strength, and prayed I didn’t cry,
“I’ll miss you baby,” I shakily said, but it was the best I could do, and she couldn’t blame me.
“I have to do this, I know you don’t want me to, but it’s gotten too much, too much for me to bear” she said, voice monotone and stiff, hands not shaking at all, showing me she really was serious.
I held her hand tight, and begged her not to do it,
“Please, please, I’m asking you, as your friend, boyfriend, anything, please don’t leave, we can get away, whatever’s bothering you, we can work on it, we can get through this, you and me till the end” I said, but when all I was given in reply was,
“I’m sorry”, I collapsed, knelt down at her knees and wept, wept for the loss of my true love. I knew she wouldn’t move to comfort me, she didn’t care, she was a shell of the girl I used to know, the girl I wanted to spend my life with.
“ I think I should go now” she said, suddenly sounding scared, like a little girl lost in a shopping centre, desperately looking for help, and that’s what she needed, help, but I was too pathetic to give it to her, and people promised her things, but never came through. “Well, this is it”
“No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no” was all I said, crying till my eyes stung, tears streaming down my cheeks like a flood, holding onto her hand tight, I didn’t care if it hurt her right now, because she did not know how she was hurting me, my heart ripped out and sold cheaply to the devil, who taunted me now, laughing at my misfortune.
Bang and that was it, she was gone, I didn’t even get to say good bye, she fell to her left, and hit the floor with a thud. I didn’t move, I couldn’t move, I watched the blood seep into the fibres of the carpet, the police turned away, some started shaking, and I even heard one crying. I looked at her once beautiful face, now twisted and blown off, I choked, I thought I was going to throw up, to think seconds before I had kissed her lips, made me even more nauseous. Then, I saw something in her hand, the hand holding the gun; it was a folded piece of paper. I pried the blood stained paper from her now cold hand, her touch sent a shiver down my spine. I opened it. All it said was “I love you” and “Goodbye” in her beautiful flowing handwriting, the ink mixing with the blood, making a deep red colour. I sat and cried for what seemed for like hours, and all I could think of were her last words to me, “this is it”. She meant that for both of us, I couldn’t live without her. I went home, and just sat, just sat still and motionless for what seemed like days, there was no point now that she was gone. “This is it” and I was gone, in heaven with my dearest love. She had always said it would be nice to die in a white room, and the last thing I thought of was the blood the red on white, red on white, red blood on a white wall, red lips on white skin.