Categories > Books > Harry Potter > Your Zen Is False
your zen is false
Chapter Two
An Interlude
. ... .
. ... .
Later, when Lily is bruised and scarred and can't even think of life without Bellatrix - later, when she is desperately caught and has been and knows it and loves Bellatrix and hates her and is indifferent and passionate and begging for more - she thinks of another world. She thinks of a Bellatrix who is not teetering the tightrope of madness, of a Bellatrix who isn't a sadist. (Of a Bellatrix who doesn't need to be a splendid actress because she actually feels things that are normal.) She thinks of a Lily Evans who isn't weak. She thinks of a world where Bellatrix Black doesn't hate and Lily Evans doesn't break. (That world is a dream, and she knows it.)
She thinks of a world where they mesh and it works and they are content. She thinks of a world where Bellatrix doesn't get off on the sight of her lover tied down and losing herself, where Lily doesn't get off on being controlled. (Lily doesn't think about the fact that this was trained into her. Bellatrix sees what she wants and takes it, and if what she wants isn't perfect yet, she'll make it. She is too good at mind games, and the psyche is so easily manipulated.)
She imagines a world where her lover's stunning eyes don't hold a twisted, calculating glint (and it grows steadily more twisted as time passes, but Lily pretends not to notice that). That world...
There, they are happy. It is love without the cruel obsession and sex without pain and - well, it is happiness.
(And maybe this dream is not happiness, but Lily doesn't know any better anyway.)
That world is a dream, and she knows it.
(She knows that Bellatrix will never have warm eyes or truthful smiles or an unfractured mind. She knows that Bellatrix will never call her beautiful and mean it.)
Chapter Two
An Interlude
. ... .
. ... .
Later, when Lily is bruised and scarred and can't even think of life without Bellatrix - later, when she is desperately caught and has been and knows it and loves Bellatrix and hates her and is indifferent and passionate and begging for more - she thinks of another world. She thinks of a Bellatrix who is not teetering the tightrope of madness, of a Bellatrix who isn't a sadist. (Of a Bellatrix who doesn't need to be a splendid actress because she actually feels things that are normal.) She thinks of a Lily Evans who isn't weak. She thinks of a world where Bellatrix Black doesn't hate and Lily Evans doesn't break. (That world is a dream, and she knows it.)
She thinks of a world where they mesh and it works and they are content. She thinks of a world where Bellatrix doesn't get off on the sight of her lover tied down and losing herself, where Lily doesn't get off on being controlled. (Lily doesn't think about the fact that this was trained into her. Bellatrix sees what she wants and takes it, and if what she wants isn't perfect yet, she'll make it. She is too good at mind games, and the psyche is so easily manipulated.)
She imagines a world where her lover's stunning eyes don't hold a twisted, calculating glint (and it grows steadily more twisted as time passes, but Lily pretends not to notice that). That world...
There, they are happy. It is love without the cruel obsession and sex without pain and - well, it is happiness.
(And maybe this dream is not happiness, but Lily doesn't know any better anyway.)
That world is a dream, and she knows it.
(She knows that Bellatrix will never have warm eyes or truthful smiles or an unfractured mind. She knows that Bellatrix will never call her beautiful and mean it.)
Sign up to rate and review this story