FicWad

Shocked, we sit on the bed and stare at Axl. Axl lies there, hair spread over the pillow like some flaming halo, staring back at us. He breathes rapidly, filling his lungs with as much air as possible, eyes wide and staring. A rough rope mark is beginning to form around his pale throat, red raw and bruised. Slash reaches out and takes my hand, trying to calm my shaking. His strong fingers stroke over mine, thumb caressing my knuckles.

"How'd you get in?" I quietly demand.

Axl chokes and blinks, reaching up to wipe tears from his eyes.

"Through the kitchen window," he hoarsely replies.

I hear Slash groan and I turn to see him slowly shake his head.

"Fuck," he whispers. "Fuck it."

I continue to stare at Axl, my fear evaporating and being replaced by a bubbling anger deep in my belly.

Quietly I ask, "Why'd you come back?"

He coughs and reaches up to stroke his bruised throat, wincing as his fingers find the rough skin.

"I had to, Izzy. I had to." Painfully he sits up, joints creaking and clicking back into place as he does.He looks me in the eye, a hand reaching out to touch my face. Instinctively, expecting pain, I flinch away. Instead, he slowly shakes his head and looks away.

"I needed to say something to you," he quietly continues.

"But you didn't have to fuckin' break in!" I exclaim. "You could have fuckin' called or written a note."

Again he shakes his head, copper hair hiding his green eyes. For the first time in a while, he looks genuinely sad and heartbroken. Genuinely hurt at my harshness. I try not to feel guilty but it's always been the same. We'd be in love, we'd argue, we'd hit each other and then the sadness and pain and tears would come. The guilt trip would be there and I'm as guilty as he is for doing it. I guilt tripped him after he'd hit me, as he'd guilt trip me beforehand for sleeping around.

"Please Izzy," he whispers in the darkness, "let me speak."

Sighing, I nod, preparing myself for what could be a mammoth speech. "Go on."

His head drops to his chest. "I'm sorry. My actions were inexcusable. I was possessive and I shouldn't have been. I saw what you two had and I wanted a part of that. I wanted to be loved by you in the way that you love Slash. And I wanted to love you in the way that he loves you. I thought if I did what I did then you'd stay with me."

"You thought that if you beat me and filled me with drugs then I'd come back to you?" I quietly interrupt.

He nods and I can see his tear-filled eyes gleaming through his veil of hair. For once, Axl actually seems to be genuine, his apology actually coming from deep within him, instead of the normal, quickly washed over excuse.

"I should have changed," he carried on. "I thought I had changed but I hadn't. I was still the monster from Indiana. The monster who held you captive. And all you were trying to do was protect me."

Leaning forward, I take his hand and gently kiss his fingers. I don't know why, but it seemed like the logical thing to do, a tiny sign of comfort in an uncertain moment. He sniffs and I see a tiny smile crack his lips.

"I shouldn't have slept with those other guys, Bill," I quietly retort, my voice on the verge of cracking. "I should have stayed faithful to you and you alone. Yet I wanted to get laid. You taught me the error of my ways and I appreciate that. Now I'm using the lessons you taught me in my relationship with Saul." Gently I squeeze Axl's fingers. "I forgive you if you can forgive me?"

He nods, a tiny, warm smile on his lips before turning to Slash.

"Saul," he quietly begins, addressing him by his given name for the first time, "I can't even begin to apologise for what I've done to you. I've kidnapped and beaten your boyfriend. I've shot and killed your mother. I should be languishing in jail for the rest of my life for this. I should have pleaded guilty. I'm never going to forgive myself for this. I'll live with it for the rest of my life and I fuckin' deserve it. I deserve to see your heartbroken face every day for the rest of my life. I deserve everything I get for what I've done to you."

Silence falls between us. I continue to watch Axl. He twists his hands in front of him, nervously picking at his nails. Suddenly Slash lets go of me and I watch, fascinated, as he sits forward. Gently he lifts Axl's tear-stained face to his own.

"I forgive you," Slash softly whispers.

I let out a shocked gasp and Axl's eyes snap to Slash's, quivering with so many emotions. Terror, happiness, pain, joy. His mouth opens and closes and, for once, Axl is silenced. Silenced by three little words. I forgive you.

Reaching out, I stroke Slash's back, resting my head against his shoulder as I do. I'm so proud him, so very proud. He's been through so much shit and for someone so young, he's being extremely mature about it.

Axl's swallows and nods, smiling nervously, seemingly unsure if Slash is being genuine or not. I reach out my free hand and gently touch Axl's shoulder.

"He means it," I reassure quietly.

Again, he nods, hair in his eyes and slowly slides from the bed. Shaking, he stands and looks down at us.

"I'm gonna go," he whispers. "I'm gonna leave California and go back to Indiana." A nervous smile plays on his lips. "I need to go. Need to leave you guys. You deserve each other, deserve to be in love without me always in the corner of the picture. You shouldn't have to be in love and be scared."

I nod, my heart heavy. He's been a part of my life for so long and it seems so strange to be letting go of him like this. We've all been through so much and, whether we want to admit it or not, we've been through this together. Inadvertently maybe.

"So this is goodbye, then." It's a statement not a question from Axl.

Holding back a few tears, I nod slowly, hiding my eyes behind my hair. Part of me doesn't want him to go. But the rest of me knows that he needs to go, needs to move on and spread his wings. He needs to find someone else who'll be there for him, who'll love him far more than I ever could.

I watch as he turns and slowly walks towards the basement stairs. He doesn't turn as he climbs them, his feet carrying him away from us, out of our lives forever. Sticking a finger in my mouth, I bite down on the knuckle, choking a little as a few tears escape from my eyes.

"He's gone." Slash quietly says. I can hear some kind of pain in his voice, as if he's letting go of something special.

I nod, a sob escaping from around the finger that I'm still chewing on. Soft hair brushes my cheek and I see Slash shake his head. He slides from the bed and begins to make for the stairs.

"What's up?" I ask.

I can see Slash's eyes, wide beneath his hair. "It can't end like this."

"What can't?"

"This," Slash states, gesturing around himself. "He's changed Izzy, really, honestly changed. I can feel it. And you're letting him walk back to Indiana, walk out of your fuckin' life. Shit, he's been a part of your life for how many years?"

And with that, Slash is bounding up the stairs, screaming Axl's name as he goes, while I sit, stunned and silent on the bed.