Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > You Remind Me Of A Former Love.
Chapter Eight: And How I Hope To God He Was Worth It.
"Then think of what you did. And how I hope to God he was worth it. When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin."--Panic at the Disco.
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The mop made plopping noises as it sloshed around soapy water upon the white and green tile as Ryan swayed the mop around the floor. His eyes kept dropping, indicating his sleepiness. The only thing that was keeping him partially awake was the loud gurgling of Elle's night coffee and the dim light bathing the room in a faint gold. Another sprinkle of rain scattered across the night outside the comfy Starbucks tranquility. Still, Ryan couldn't help but be so tired. Today was a rather busy day. Filled with businessmen, teenagers with plastic flip flops, tourists on-the-go and plenty of others making this Friday an utter nightmare. There were many spills of coffee, in which Ryan had to hesitantly clean up and rushing customers that Elle tried so patiently to wait on, despite their bitter comments on her pace. Nonetheless, she tried desperately to stay calm and only yelled at two people today for their rude behavior. That was a lot of patience for Elle.
But, she was rather hyper with her fourth cup of coffee in two hours. She was always a little nervous on busy days such as this one and the only thing keeping her cool was the countless consumed coffees. The murmurs of the brown liquid had stopped, as she poured it into a mug, with adding sugar packets and creamer. She sipped it slowly, thinking that this should be her last one for tonight.
"There. The floor is clean and orange scented. Can I go now?" Ryan sleepily slurred, putting the mop back into the broom closet.
"Yeah, sure." Elle said, taking off her own apron as Ryan followed her action.
Ryan walked out, unfolding his yellow umbrella and protecting himself from the rain. Ryan took his umbrella everywhere he went. Even if it wasn't raining, he still had it safely beside him, in case a storm may strike. And it was really quite handy, considering that it rained nonstop during this murky summer. Plus, it was like he had a little piece of sunshine with him; a splotch of yellow bursting through gray and gloom. It also reminded him of Helen, which was probably the main reason he carried it around all the time. So, it was his little piece of Helen as well.
Ryan got to his apartment and placed his umbrella in its stand before stripping of his clothes and putting on sweat pants. He fell onto his bed, eyes already closed, and ready to slip into unconsciousness. He was just about ready to pass out when he heard a faint knock on the door. What the hell could someone possibly want in this hour? Well, whoever they were, they were going to get an extremely cranky Ryan for interrupting his precious sleep. He reluctantly got out of bed, placing his slippers on, and walking to the front door, ready to give a harsh lecture to his guest.
He opened the door and revealed someone who he'd thought would never make an appearance in his life, again.
"Brendon?" Ryan asked, astonished and suddenly awake.
But, that's all Ryan could say before Brendon slammed the door shut and pushed him up against a wall while he started to attack his lips. He tangled his fingers into his sandy brown hair, his tongue entering Ryan's mouth in haste. Ryan was in too much shock to stop the hungry kiss as his eyes widened by the moment. Nonetheless, he let the kiss continue, thinking it was amazing that he had the chance to actually feel Brendon's body pressed against his again. But then, he remembered Helen.
"Wait! Stop!" Ryan hissed, pushing Brendon off of him.
"Ryan, I'm sorry. You have no idea how unbelievably sorry I am. I made a huge mistake and I miss you." Brendon said, almost too sincerely, but Ryan unintentionally fell into his words.
"Brendon, you had your chance."
"I know, but I'd like another one." he pleaded, causing Ryan's heart to tear in two.
"I can't. I'm sorry." Ryan said, firmly.
"Please, Ryan. I'm sorry! What do I have to do?"
"Nothing. I'm in a relationship now. And a good one. Just leave."
"No, I can't. I love you."
And there it was. The very thing that Ryan had wanted to hear from Brendon all along. The very thing that Brendon had stopped saying, causing the heartbreak. The very thing that Ryan loved hearing, but couldn't accept, because it wasn't Brendon who he loved anymore. It was Helen.
Right?
Of course. He wouldn't say it if he really didn't mean it. And Helen has helped him out in every possible way he could imagine. It was Helen who took the time to save him. It was Helen who thought the very best of Ryan, even if he didn't think so himself. It was Helen who helped him realize that life wasn't so horrible. It was Helen who made life not so horrible. She was there for Ryan when nobody else was and she meant more to him than anything else in the world. She was one of a kind and Ryan had her. She was caring, beautiful, kind, funny, and everything Ryan could ever ask for. Of course he loved her. He had no doubt about it.
Right?
It was hard for him to concentrate on this, for Brendon had started to kiss him with pure passion, while wrapping his arms around Ryan's thin waist, finding ways to make Ryan moan in a pleasure that was so absolutely wrong, but the feeling of lust had flirted with the sparks of temptation, concluding the allowance of this kiss to continue. This wasn't right at all and it must be stopped, but this thought meant nothing to him once Ryan weakly enveloped his arms around Brendon's neck, pulling him in close. A trigger of guilt was fired, but nothing mattered. All that was of concern was that Brendon's lips were finally on his and that he waited so long to forget this taste. And now that he was finally relishing in the sweet immoral of this moment, he didn't want to let it escape. He didn't want Brendon to escape, just like he had those many sorrowful nights ago. It was a beautiful hypocrisy dissolving into their intertwining souls, as Brendon found a way to simultaneously make-out with Ryan and lead him to his bedroom at the same time.
There was no thinking, no doubts, no rejections. It was just Brendon and Ryan, reuniting a fractured love in the midst of a stormy night. There was bound to be no good coming from this, but apathy added to these mingling emotions. Clothes were thrown and misplaced upon the floor as well as Ryan's conscience. Brendon's touch made Ryan shiver with joyous goose bumps slithering onto his tense skin. It felt so good, that Ryan didn't want this to end. With Brendon's arms around his waist and lips on his neck, everything seemed utter perfection. There were no thoughts of Helen or the very fact that all his hard work of changing for the better was a waste for just one more moment with the rare warmth of Brendon.
He didn't realize that this could hurt Helen in a way that Ryan had experienced. He didn't realize that he was being a foolish hypocrite and that he should just pull his pants back on. He didn't realize that he was now turning back on his word. He didn't realize he was being weak under the caress of his former love. He didn't realize that he was becoming just as horrible as he was before he met Helen. He didn't realize he was just as bad as Brendon.
He didn't realize he was cheating.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Author's Note: Thanks to medicatedlives, Life_is_42, eileen162, webba141, and MrSz. Or3o for their lovely reviews.
An uberly amazing special thanks to Life_is_42 because she is just so fucking amazing and she gives me wonderful long reviews that I adore and can't get enough of. She's awesome. :]
And, I am quite proud of myself. I updated within one day. Go me.
Plus, I don't think I said 'Alas' a lot in this, so that's a bonus.
Although, I am sorry for the length. It is short.
Oh, and please don't hate me. :[
Comment/Compliment/Critique.
Do with it as you like.
"Then think of what you did. And how I hope to God he was worth it. When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch his skin."--Panic at the Disco.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
The mop made plopping noises as it sloshed around soapy water upon the white and green tile as Ryan swayed the mop around the floor. His eyes kept dropping, indicating his sleepiness. The only thing that was keeping him partially awake was the loud gurgling of Elle's night coffee and the dim light bathing the room in a faint gold. Another sprinkle of rain scattered across the night outside the comfy Starbucks tranquility. Still, Ryan couldn't help but be so tired. Today was a rather busy day. Filled with businessmen, teenagers with plastic flip flops, tourists on-the-go and plenty of others making this Friday an utter nightmare. There were many spills of coffee, in which Ryan had to hesitantly clean up and rushing customers that Elle tried so patiently to wait on, despite their bitter comments on her pace. Nonetheless, she tried desperately to stay calm and only yelled at two people today for their rude behavior. That was a lot of patience for Elle.
But, she was rather hyper with her fourth cup of coffee in two hours. She was always a little nervous on busy days such as this one and the only thing keeping her cool was the countless consumed coffees. The murmurs of the brown liquid had stopped, as she poured it into a mug, with adding sugar packets and creamer. She sipped it slowly, thinking that this should be her last one for tonight.
"There. The floor is clean and orange scented. Can I go now?" Ryan sleepily slurred, putting the mop back into the broom closet.
"Yeah, sure." Elle said, taking off her own apron as Ryan followed her action.
Ryan walked out, unfolding his yellow umbrella and protecting himself from the rain. Ryan took his umbrella everywhere he went. Even if it wasn't raining, he still had it safely beside him, in case a storm may strike. And it was really quite handy, considering that it rained nonstop during this murky summer. Plus, it was like he had a little piece of sunshine with him; a splotch of yellow bursting through gray and gloom. It also reminded him of Helen, which was probably the main reason he carried it around all the time. So, it was his little piece of Helen as well.
Ryan got to his apartment and placed his umbrella in its stand before stripping of his clothes and putting on sweat pants. He fell onto his bed, eyes already closed, and ready to slip into unconsciousness. He was just about ready to pass out when he heard a faint knock on the door. What the hell could someone possibly want in this hour? Well, whoever they were, they were going to get an extremely cranky Ryan for interrupting his precious sleep. He reluctantly got out of bed, placing his slippers on, and walking to the front door, ready to give a harsh lecture to his guest.
He opened the door and revealed someone who he'd thought would never make an appearance in his life, again.
"Brendon?" Ryan asked, astonished and suddenly awake.
But, that's all Ryan could say before Brendon slammed the door shut and pushed him up against a wall while he started to attack his lips. He tangled his fingers into his sandy brown hair, his tongue entering Ryan's mouth in haste. Ryan was in too much shock to stop the hungry kiss as his eyes widened by the moment. Nonetheless, he let the kiss continue, thinking it was amazing that he had the chance to actually feel Brendon's body pressed against his again. But then, he remembered Helen.
"Wait! Stop!" Ryan hissed, pushing Brendon off of him.
"Ryan, I'm sorry. You have no idea how unbelievably sorry I am. I made a huge mistake and I miss you." Brendon said, almost too sincerely, but Ryan unintentionally fell into his words.
"Brendon, you had your chance."
"I know, but I'd like another one." he pleaded, causing Ryan's heart to tear in two.
"I can't. I'm sorry." Ryan said, firmly.
"Please, Ryan. I'm sorry! What do I have to do?"
"Nothing. I'm in a relationship now. And a good one. Just leave."
"No, I can't. I love you."
And there it was. The very thing that Ryan had wanted to hear from Brendon all along. The very thing that Brendon had stopped saying, causing the heartbreak. The very thing that Ryan loved hearing, but couldn't accept, because it wasn't Brendon who he loved anymore. It was Helen.
Right?
Of course. He wouldn't say it if he really didn't mean it. And Helen has helped him out in every possible way he could imagine. It was Helen who took the time to save him. It was Helen who thought the very best of Ryan, even if he didn't think so himself. It was Helen who helped him realize that life wasn't so horrible. It was Helen who made life not so horrible. She was there for Ryan when nobody else was and she meant more to him than anything else in the world. She was one of a kind and Ryan had her. She was caring, beautiful, kind, funny, and everything Ryan could ever ask for. Of course he loved her. He had no doubt about it.
Right?
It was hard for him to concentrate on this, for Brendon had started to kiss him with pure passion, while wrapping his arms around Ryan's thin waist, finding ways to make Ryan moan in a pleasure that was so absolutely wrong, but the feeling of lust had flirted with the sparks of temptation, concluding the allowance of this kiss to continue. This wasn't right at all and it must be stopped, but this thought meant nothing to him once Ryan weakly enveloped his arms around Brendon's neck, pulling him in close. A trigger of guilt was fired, but nothing mattered. All that was of concern was that Brendon's lips were finally on his and that he waited so long to forget this taste. And now that he was finally relishing in the sweet immoral of this moment, he didn't want to let it escape. He didn't want Brendon to escape, just like he had those many sorrowful nights ago. It was a beautiful hypocrisy dissolving into their intertwining souls, as Brendon found a way to simultaneously make-out with Ryan and lead him to his bedroom at the same time.
There was no thinking, no doubts, no rejections. It was just Brendon and Ryan, reuniting a fractured love in the midst of a stormy night. There was bound to be no good coming from this, but apathy added to these mingling emotions. Clothes were thrown and misplaced upon the floor as well as Ryan's conscience. Brendon's touch made Ryan shiver with joyous goose bumps slithering onto his tense skin. It felt so good, that Ryan didn't want this to end. With Brendon's arms around his waist and lips on his neck, everything seemed utter perfection. There were no thoughts of Helen or the very fact that all his hard work of changing for the better was a waste for just one more moment with the rare warmth of Brendon.
He didn't realize that this could hurt Helen in a way that Ryan had experienced. He didn't realize that he was being a foolish hypocrite and that he should just pull his pants back on. He didn't realize that he was now turning back on his word. He didn't realize he was being weak under the caress of his former love. He didn't realize that he was becoming just as horrible as he was before he met Helen. He didn't realize he was just as bad as Brendon.
He didn't realize he was cheating.
_______________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Author's Note: Thanks to medicatedlives, Life_is_42, eileen162, webba141, and MrSz. Or3o for their lovely reviews.
An uberly amazing special thanks to Life_is_42 because she is just so fucking amazing and she gives me wonderful long reviews that I adore and can't get enough of. She's awesome. :]
And, I am quite proud of myself. I updated within one day. Go me.
Plus, I don't think I said 'Alas' a lot in this, so that's a bonus.
Although, I am sorry for the length. It is short.
Oh, and please don't hate me. :[
Comment/Compliment/Critique.
Do with it as you like.
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