Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco

The Last Look Back is Black

by Geets 4 reviews

This is a short one-shot I came up with, inspired by the song "Black" by Tokio Hotel. Brendon's just trying to deal with a mistake and a broken heart.

Category: Panic! At The Disco - Rating: PG-13 - Genres: Drama,Romance - Published: 2008-07-03 - Updated: 2008-07-03 - 1437 words - Complete

Brendon leaned forward and kissed her again. But he didn't feel the ecstatic, warm sensation bubbling through him; instead a sick, empty feeling coursed through his stomach. He wanted so many things at that moment, but being here, lying in a bed with a girl he couldn't care less about, was not one of them. All things said, he couldn't stop licking her lips and caressing the curves on her hips, eliciting those moans of pleasure from her red, lipstick-smudged mouth.

He leaned back to see the full picture of what lay before his eyes and he was repulsed, perhaps with her, but more with himself. This really was the last thing he wanted.

"You have to go," he said abruptly, the words barely audible. He looked away from her, his stomach sinking and his throat clogging up with a distasteful gunge he wanted to get rid of so badly. First, the girl.

"What?" she asked; her look of shock seemed genuine, but it just made him cringe.

"Go, please. I need to be alone," he sighed openly. He felt exhausted and defeated, defeated by a person who was miles away from him.

"But, I don't under-"

"Oh, please, just go!" He had let his frustration get the better of him and even though he regretted the sudden outburst of anger, he did not regret seeing the girl get up and gather her bag finally. She took one furtive glance back at him, an expression of fear mingled with confusion, before she let herself out of the room and the apartment.

He lay back on the bed and let out a frustrated groan. He massaged his face with his hands viciously, as if hoping to eradicate all the memories flooding through his mind. He couldn't think straight. He felt stressed and far too hot he didn't like the idea of something bugging him this much. It made him even unhappier.

Feeling horribly agitated, he pushed himself off the bed and walked towards the bathroom, scraping his hands through his hair. He then took a shower, allowing the warm water to wash over his hair and face; it felt very refreshing. He scrubbed at his skin, trying to rinse away all of his emotions and free his mind, but his eyes just seemed more clouded than ever.

And all along, he couldn't shake the image of the most beautiful girl he's ever seen.

The funniest girl.

The sweetest girl.

The only girl he ever saw himself with.

Her name was Haley.


Tears began trickling softly down Brendon's cheek and he banged his head against the tiles repeatedly. It didn't hurt, though, because he didn't want to hurt himself; he just wanted to feel something more but he only felt number.

In a zombie-like manner, he dried his body with a rough towel and dressed himself, stumbling down the stairs into the living room. He flicked on the TV set and stared blindly at whatever automatically came on.

Twenty minutes later and he was still sitting there with a face of stone. However, the doorbell rang and he was forced to get up. Not bothering to look at who was there, he unlocked the front door to reveal a slightly older man with short, soft brown hair. The man threw Brendon a small smile; Brendon gestured for him to come inside, with a face as heavy as his heart.

"Hey, Ryan," Brendon mumbled, closing the door and heading back to the living room. "What's up?" he asked, uninterested.

Ryan shrugged, taking a seat on the sofa. "Nothing much... I just wanted to see how you were doing."

Brendon sighed. He did not feel like dealing with a big interrogation from Ryan right now; he wanted to return to only half-seeing the plain walls, just like he had done for the past month. "Ryan, I'm fine," he finally said, unconvincingly.

"Brendon, don't give me that shit, you're sitting in almost darkness, your apartment looks a mess and you're thinner than ever. I'm trying to help you," Ryan added more softly. Brendon sighed again; he knew Ryan meant well, he was just being a moody twat.

"I know, I'm sorry..." Brendon said feebly.

They sat in an awkward silence until Ryan said, "Have you talked to her at all?"

Ryan's genuine concern and friendly nature was what encouraged Brendon to say, "No... I tried, but she wouldn't let me. She doesn't want to listen..."

Now it was Ryan's turn to sigh. "Look, man, it's been a month. I'm sure she's cooled down enough to talk to her."

Brendon played the idea slowly in his mind. He'd give anything just to see Haley again but he just felt so empty and hopeless. The idea of being rejected by her again upset him; it was painful enough to make him want to stay put forevermore.

I don't know if I can..." Brendon said weakly.

"Brendon, you love her, right?" Ryan waited for him to nod before continuing. "Then isn't that a good enough reason to go to her? You're a good guy, you made a mistake. Just talk to her. Look, go and take a shower, I'll make you something to eat and I'll go with you. Yeah?"

Slowly, Brendon nodded. “Yeah... Yeah, ok.”

Half an hour later, showered, changed and fed, Brendon got into Ryan’s car and they began the fairly short journey to Haley’s house. When Ryan pulled into her driveway, he turned off the engine and turned to Brendon, who hesitantly got out of the car without a word. He’d spent the entire journey thinking about what to say, how to act, what to do, but the only thing he’d managed to do was to work up the courage to get to her door and ring the doorbell. He waited anxiously for someone to answer the door when Haley swung open the door, not knowing that it was Brendon. As soon as she did, however, her face fell and she started shutting the door.

“No, wait!” Brendon cried, forcing the door open again.

“What do you want, Brendon?” she asked coldly.

“Please, I... I just want to talk. I really miss you,” he pleaded.

But Haley merely scoffed at him heartlessly. “No. Ok? No. Nothing you can say is going to change what happened. I don’t want you anywhere near me!” she yelled.

“Haley, please, I love you! I’m sorry, it was a mistake, a drunken mistake, and I wish I could take it back ‘cos... it’s killing me being without you!” he cried hysterically, desperate for her love.

“A drunken mistake? Oh, so does that make sleeping with some other whore ok? Oh, I’m sorry for misunderstanding.”


“No, don’t ‘Haley’ me. You broke my heart! How could you think that I’d ever forgive you for that? I love you so much, but you hurt me... too badly to recover from.”

Brendon let the tears fall freely down his face, his eyes bloodshot and sore, his nose red. “What are you saying? That my apology, that my love, means nothing to you?”

Haley paused to look Brendon directly in the eye for the first time that night and she thought about the question posed to her. Soon she came to her decision: “Right now? No, it doesn’t. I don’t want you near me, Brendon, I can’t handle it. It hurt too much.” She stops momentarily to sniff and she looked over her shoulder briefly. “I need you to go. And don’t come back.”

“No, Haley, please!” Brendon begged, but she shook her head weakly.

“’Bye, Brendon,” she whispered, turning to shut the door. Brendon stood, blankly staring at the wood separating him from his true love. He cried, wailed into the silence of the dark, heavy night. He couldn’t believe that he had lost Haley forever and, for that, he felt so broken, dishevelled, numb.

Eventually, he began walking away from the house, straight past Ryan’s car. He could see Ryan’s bewildered face when he halted and turned around, then hr brought his gaze up to the huge, brightly lit house, before walking off down the dark street.

The last look back is black.


Oh my god, I think it’s been about a year since I last wrote and posted any fiction! :O But I hope you liked it, I started writing it ages ago, and only just decided to finish it this week, so here it is. Comments are really great, and constructive criticism is always welcome. :D

Sign up to rate and review this story