- This was melodramatic and overdone. Teaser or not, you shouldn't just have the bad guy make a speech about how evil he is. Actions speak louder than words: if you want to establish that someone's evil, have them actually do something evil, or plot something evil, not just talk about it. Even a teaser has to follow the rules of storytelling: something has to happen, you can't have nothing but exposition and backstory.
This was also very confusing. All you had here was "who" - descriptions of the characters. "What" they were doing was minimal, and what there was was confusing. There was no sign of "when," "where," or "why." That last one was an especial problem - villains don't make sense unless there's a reason why they do evil things. Even Malificent in KH explains that she's in it for power.
Some additional, smaller problems: you switch between past and present a couple times, which is grammatically wrong, and you randomly mention orcs, which are not KH monsters.
Author's responseIt was a teaser I made when I had an addiction to morphine. I apologize about that, and trust me. It'll NEVER happen. Thanks for the heads up however.
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