Categories > Original > Drama
Title: Doubt
Author: CJ Briggs
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Summary: Iriador lays it all out on the table.
Notes: Shounen-ai all over this. Ronyo/Iriador snippet that just occurred to me one day. It might be sort of predictable... but I rarely write Iriador this way. He's usually very timid, unsure, and soft-spoken... so he's extremely out-of-character here... but it fits in this case.
Two bits of Elvish here, unless I missed something:
Istalindir: A particular race of Elves in my stories. Magic-users.
Melamin: "My love" in Elvish.
===============================================================
"Ronyo!"
It was exactly the voice the long-haired Elf did not want to hear.
Iriador, desperate and violent and angry, was behind him. When Ronyo stole a glance, he caught a glimpse of the other's condition. The shorter one breathed raggedly, as if out of breath, and his face was flushed. In one hand, he clutched his walking staff; in the other, he gripped an all-too-familiar piece of paper.
That explained the rage boiling in his eyes. They were usually so bright--even when depression struck them, there was still something about them that shone as if illuminated by perpetual moonlight. Now, however... they were dark, menacing, and more than enough to shock Ronyo into silence... if he had not already decided not to speak.
When he did not fully turn around, Iriador spoke again. "What the hell is the meaning of this?"
He heard the sound of paper fluttering to the ground. Why did I ever write that blasted thing? It would've been better to just leave... without notice.
"Damnit, Ronyo, answer me! You'd better say something quick, or I'll knock you senseless!"
A small smile tugged at the sides of his mouth. "You wouldn't."
"Try me." There was a dangerous edge to Iriador's voice, and when Ronyo looked again, the little one had gone into "attack mode": He was holding his staff in both hands, almost like a sword. There wasn't much distance between them: Ronyo could easily get smacked if Iriador decided to swing. He didn't move, didn't speak, didn't flinch.
"Do you have any idea how it feels to wake up and find something like that resting on the next pillow? What the hell is wrong with you?"
He still didn't speak.
"Damnit, Ronyo--!"
That time, he narrowly missed getting knocked out. "What is WRONG with you?" Iriador shouted furiously, and Ronyo realized that if he didn't answer, his boyfriend was going to keep asking that same, infuriating, not-so-simple-to-answer question...
"Like it said in the note... I don't want to mess up your life anymore."
He could feel the anger radiating from the other Elf upon uttering those words. Something inside Iriador seemed to just snap, and through his next outburst, Ronyo had to fight to keep his temper suppressed... but it did not help as much as he hoped it would.
"So," Iriador began coldly, "you scribble that thing and just leave without saying so much as 'goodbye' to me? You stupid, selfish, impulsive--"
"Self-centered, egotistical, flirtatious idiot. What, Iriador, is your point?" Ronyo was suddenly shouting right back, and he had no idea where the passion had come from...
No, he did. You still have that effect on me, Iri...
Iriador had been stunned to silence this time. "I--"
"Maybe I am selfish. Then again, maybe it's you. Maybe I'm doing the right thing for both of us, and you're blowing it because you want me to stick around!"
"So... leaving... is the right thing."
"Perhaps."
"And you're leaving on a gods-damned 'perhaps', Ronyo?"
He wanted to scream. Something about Iriador never failed to amplify his feelings. From elation to despair and everything in-between, when he was in the redhead's company, he felt it tenfold.
His stubbornness was stronger as well; he was not going to back down. Nothing would make him back down. He was making a point, and he was going to...
"You're a jerk."
Those words, accentuated by the telltale, vocal strain of unshed tears... they made him flinch. Still, he managed to maintain most of his composure.
Not backing down.
But before he could respond, Iriador's voice stopped him. "You think I care what others say? I'm used to it, Ronyo. I'm used to the stares and the whispering behind my back. I'm short, I have this ridiculously-colored hair, I'm the black sheep of my family, and in case you haven't noticed, my best friend is a Healer and I'm walking around with a limp and a wounded arm!"
"What does that have to do with us?"
"Do you seriously have to ask? I know I call you stupid, but I like to think I'm joking..."
"So I am stupid, then!" Ronyo scowled, still not pivoting to fully face his angered boyfriend. "I'm starting to think leaving is the right thing to--"
WHACK.
The pain welled up like blood from a knife wound. His hand flew to the back of his head, and he finally faced Iriador head-on, fire in his eyes. "What?" he growled.
Iriador's eyes burned as well, but now he had nearly dropped his walking staff, and the despondency Ronyo had noticed earlier had become more obvious. In fact, the smaller Elf seemed weaker than before, seemed to slump more, as if carrying an overwhelming burden on his shoulders. "You are stupid," he said quietly--a bit too quietly for Ronyo, who was now starting to worry about this other being who enraged and enraptured him so. "You're so blind. I don't give a shit what anyone says about us."
He just swore. He doesn't swear, not even to me... He calls it a nasty display of Human temper...
Iri...?
"I don't care," the short Elf continued, his voice beginning to regain some of its strength, "and you're so inept when it comes to emotions, I'll bet you have no clue why I throw caution to the wind."
"I'm inept? I'm your first friend after that Healer! You've had one friend in over four thousand years!"
Iriador's tone never wavered. "Mali is a hundred times better than that ox you call Aira."
"What? When did you get to being so pompous?"
"I only get this way when I know I'm right. You know that... Aira knows one feeling, and that's greed."
Ronyo could feel his ire rising again. How dare Iriador speak so ill of Aira, especially when he knew all she had done for him after...
"At least, that's what I used to think," Iriador went on, breaking Ronyo's thought process. "She's not that bad... although, in terms of emotions, she's not what Mali is. Mali has taught me quite a bit about what makes others tick."
"And you're saying you think you know that I don't get it."
"You're smart, Ronyo, don't get me wrong... but when it comes to us, I'm positive you don't get it."
Great. Are you done insulting my intelligence?
"I know what you're thinking... and I wouldn't be saying any of this at all, if not for you."
"Me?"
The red-haired Istalindir nodded. "You don't understand how things are, and I know I have to explain it to you, because of that." And he pointed to the crumpled note that lay nearly-forgotten on the ground between them.
Ronyo did not respond, steely gaze fixed on his significant other.
"Well, Ronyo, I'm going to make everything clear for you. Listen closely, because I only intend to explain this once. You're an ass..."
Oh, for the love of--
"You drive me crazy, and I can never figure you out. I don't know anyone who's more different than myself. Those facts alone would be enough to keep me away from you, but I've stayed with you... which is where your little note comes in."
"Iri..."
"Shut up, I'm talking."
He obediently complied. Something had flashed in Iriador's eyes, and he quickly decided not to test it. He still had no idea where his friend's unlikely accuracy with blunt objects came from... especially when Iriador would complain about his right arm aching.
Iriador's voice rose in volume now. "That letter pissed me off... because don't you think, Ronyo, that I'd be smart enough to leave if you were messing up my life? Of course, I'd leave you! I haven't though, have I? There's a very good reason for that. And don't you DARE interrupt me," he added, undoubtedly catching the slight parting of Ronyo's lips. "There are so many negatives with the two of us... but I don't care, and you want to know why? It's because I love you. You are a complete buffoon sometimes, sometimes you do tease me too much, and you can be so dense I want to scream, but I stick by your side. You can think whatever you want about us, but what matters is what I think, you got that? Sounds selfish, doesn't it? Well, I don't care, because I think the world of you. You will get that through your thick skull... and damnit, Ronyo, if you don't shut your mouth..."
"I wasn't going to say anything!" Ronyo protested, although he was lying and knew it. Stopping Iriador was the one thing on his mind right now--he understood, he really did, and his aier was getting so worked up...
He seemed to want it that way. Iriador had not so much as stuttered throughout the verbal assault, and that was not like him at all. The anger, the lack of uncertainty in his words... he knew what he was saying, knew how he was saying it, and did not want to be stopped until he was done saying it.
"I don't care how many times I have to repeat myself," the shorter Elf continued, and Ronyo heard the tiniest crack in his voice, "but I wish you could just believe me instead of focusing on what everyone else says! I love you, you dolt, do you understand? I love you, and if you ever do something like this again, I'll kill you!"
And, having said all that he needed to say, he went completely silent.
Nothing passed between them for what felt like an eternity--Ronyo's fault, but he simply could not bring himself to respond to all he had heard. Too much, too fast...
Iriador loved him. He'd known it for quite a while, but hearing it from the source had filled him with such warmth, it left him speechless.
Say something, fool! his mind demanded. What IS wrong with you? After all that, you have nothing to say? He practically just screamed his throat raw, and all you can do is stare?
You don't deserve him. If you don't say something, then you do NOT fucking deserve him.
He opened his mouth, intending to apologize, to say that he regretted ever writing that silly note, that he never wanted to cause Iriador any pain--as stupid as that sounded now, considering the current state of things--but Iriador caught his movements and shook his head, effectively silencing him before he'd even had a chance to utter a sound. "You don't have to say anything," the small Elf whispered.
"B-but--"
"Really. Your eyes... they say enough."
Iriador read him like an open book.
No words were exchanged between them until they reached their cozy home, and it was Ronyo that spoke first... simply because if he didn't say something, he would go insane. "Iri... you know... I love you, right?"
His lover's undersized hand wrapped around his, in such a gentle, fluid motion that he barely noticed it, and squeezed. "I never had any doubt, melamin."
~End~
Author: CJ Briggs
Rating: PG-13 (for language)
Summary: Iriador lays it all out on the table.
Notes: Shounen-ai all over this. Ronyo/Iriador snippet that just occurred to me one day. It might be sort of predictable... but I rarely write Iriador this way. He's usually very timid, unsure, and soft-spoken... so he's extremely out-of-character here... but it fits in this case.
Two bits of Elvish here, unless I missed something:
Istalindir: A particular race of Elves in my stories. Magic-users.
Melamin: "My love" in Elvish.
===============================================================
"Ronyo!"
It was exactly the voice the long-haired Elf did not want to hear.
Iriador, desperate and violent and angry, was behind him. When Ronyo stole a glance, he caught a glimpse of the other's condition. The shorter one breathed raggedly, as if out of breath, and his face was flushed. In one hand, he clutched his walking staff; in the other, he gripped an all-too-familiar piece of paper.
That explained the rage boiling in his eyes. They were usually so bright--even when depression struck them, there was still something about them that shone as if illuminated by perpetual moonlight. Now, however... they were dark, menacing, and more than enough to shock Ronyo into silence... if he had not already decided not to speak.
When he did not fully turn around, Iriador spoke again. "What the hell is the meaning of this?"
He heard the sound of paper fluttering to the ground. Why did I ever write that blasted thing? It would've been better to just leave... without notice.
"Damnit, Ronyo, answer me! You'd better say something quick, or I'll knock you senseless!"
A small smile tugged at the sides of his mouth. "You wouldn't."
"Try me." There was a dangerous edge to Iriador's voice, and when Ronyo looked again, the little one had gone into "attack mode": He was holding his staff in both hands, almost like a sword. There wasn't much distance between them: Ronyo could easily get smacked if Iriador decided to swing. He didn't move, didn't speak, didn't flinch.
"Do you have any idea how it feels to wake up and find something like that resting on the next pillow? What the hell is wrong with you?"
He still didn't speak.
"Damnit, Ronyo--!"
That time, he narrowly missed getting knocked out. "What is WRONG with you?" Iriador shouted furiously, and Ronyo realized that if he didn't answer, his boyfriend was going to keep asking that same, infuriating, not-so-simple-to-answer question...
"Like it said in the note... I don't want to mess up your life anymore."
He could feel the anger radiating from the other Elf upon uttering those words. Something inside Iriador seemed to just snap, and through his next outburst, Ronyo had to fight to keep his temper suppressed... but it did not help as much as he hoped it would.
"So," Iriador began coldly, "you scribble that thing and just leave without saying so much as 'goodbye' to me? You stupid, selfish, impulsive--"
"Self-centered, egotistical, flirtatious idiot. What, Iriador, is your point?" Ronyo was suddenly shouting right back, and he had no idea where the passion had come from...
No, he did. You still have that effect on me, Iri...
Iriador had been stunned to silence this time. "I--"
"Maybe I am selfish. Then again, maybe it's you. Maybe I'm doing the right thing for both of us, and you're blowing it because you want me to stick around!"
"So... leaving... is the right thing."
"Perhaps."
"And you're leaving on a gods-damned 'perhaps', Ronyo?"
He wanted to scream. Something about Iriador never failed to amplify his feelings. From elation to despair and everything in-between, when he was in the redhead's company, he felt it tenfold.
His stubbornness was stronger as well; he was not going to back down. Nothing would make him back down. He was making a point, and he was going to...
"You're a jerk."
Those words, accentuated by the telltale, vocal strain of unshed tears... they made him flinch. Still, he managed to maintain most of his composure.
Not backing down.
But before he could respond, Iriador's voice stopped him. "You think I care what others say? I'm used to it, Ronyo. I'm used to the stares and the whispering behind my back. I'm short, I have this ridiculously-colored hair, I'm the black sheep of my family, and in case you haven't noticed, my best friend is a Healer and I'm walking around with a limp and a wounded arm!"
"What does that have to do with us?"
"Do you seriously have to ask? I know I call you stupid, but I like to think I'm joking..."
"So I am stupid, then!" Ronyo scowled, still not pivoting to fully face his angered boyfriend. "I'm starting to think leaving is the right thing to--"
WHACK.
The pain welled up like blood from a knife wound. His hand flew to the back of his head, and he finally faced Iriador head-on, fire in his eyes. "What?" he growled.
Iriador's eyes burned as well, but now he had nearly dropped his walking staff, and the despondency Ronyo had noticed earlier had become more obvious. In fact, the smaller Elf seemed weaker than before, seemed to slump more, as if carrying an overwhelming burden on his shoulders. "You are stupid," he said quietly--a bit too quietly for Ronyo, who was now starting to worry about this other being who enraged and enraptured him so. "You're so blind. I don't give a shit what anyone says about us."
He just swore. He doesn't swear, not even to me... He calls it a nasty display of Human temper...
Iri...?
"I don't care," the short Elf continued, his voice beginning to regain some of its strength, "and you're so inept when it comes to emotions, I'll bet you have no clue why I throw caution to the wind."
"I'm inept? I'm your first friend after that Healer! You've had one friend in over four thousand years!"
Iriador's tone never wavered. "Mali is a hundred times better than that ox you call Aira."
"What? When did you get to being so pompous?"
"I only get this way when I know I'm right. You know that... Aira knows one feeling, and that's greed."
Ronyo could feel his ire rising again. How dare Iriador speak so ill of Aira, especially when he knew all she had done for him after...
"At least, that's what I used to think," Iriador went on, breaking Ronyo's thought process. "She's not that bad... although, in terms of emotions, she's not what Mali is. Mali has taught me quite a bit about what makes others tick."
"And you're saying you think you know that I don't get it."
"You're smart, Ronyo, don't get me wrong... but when it comes to us, I'm positive you don't get it."
Great. Are you done insulting my intelligence?
"I know what you're thinking... and I wouldn't be saying any of this at all, if not for you."
"Me?"
The red-haired Istalindir nodded. "You don't understand how things are, and I know I have to explain it to you, because of that." And he pointed to the crumpled note that lay nearly-forgotten on the ground between them.
Ronyo did not respond, steely gaze fixed on his significant other.
"Well, Ronyo, I'm going to make everything clear for you. Listen closely, because I only intend to explain this once. You're an ass..."
Oh, for the love of--
"You drive me crazy, and I can never figure you out. I don't know anyone who's more different than myself. Those facts alone would be enough to keep me away from you, but I've stayed with you... which is where your little note comes in."
"Iri..."
"Shut up, I'm talking."
He obediently complied. Something had flashed in Iriador's eyes, and he quickly decided not to test it. He still had no idea where his friend's unlikely accuracy with blunt objects came from... especially when Iriador would complain about his right arm aching.
Iriador's voice rose in volume now. "That letter pissed me off... because don't you think, Ronyo, that I'd be smart enough to leave if you were messing up my life? Of course, I'd leave you! I haven't though, have I? There's a very good reason for that. And don't you DARE interrupt me," he added, undoubtedly catching the slight parting of Ronyo's lips. "There are so many negatives with the two of us... but I don't care, and you want to know why? It's because I love you. You are a complete buffoon sometimes, sometimes you do tease me too much, and you can be so dense I want to scream, but I stick by your side. You can think whatever you want about us, but what matters is what I think, you got that? Sounds selfish, doesn't it? Well, I don't care, because I think the world of you. You will get that through your thick skull... and damnit, Ronyo, if you don't shut your mouth..."
"I wasn't going to say anything!" Ronyo protested, although he was lying and knew it. Stopping Iriador was the one thing on his mind right now--he understood, he really did, and his aier was getting so worked up...
He seemed to want it that way. Iriador had not so much as stuttered throughout the verbal assault, and that was not like him at all. The anger, the lack of uncertainty in his words... he knew what he was saying, knew how he was saying it, and did not want to be stopped until he was done saying it.
"I don't care how many times I have to repeat myself," the shorter Elf continued, and Ronyo heard the tiniest crack in his voice, "but I wish you could just believe me instead of focusing on what everyone else says! I love you, you dolt, do you understand? I love you, and if you ever do something like this again, I'll kill you!"
And, having said all that he needed to say, he went completely silent.
Nothing passed between them for what felt like an eternity--Ronyo's fault, but he simply could not bring himself to respond to all he had heard. Too much, too fast...
Iriador loved him. He'd known it for quite a while, but hearing it from the source had filled him with such warmth, it left him speechless.
Say something, fool! his mind demanded. What IS wrong with you? After all that, you have nothing to say? He practically just screamed his throat raw, and all you can do is stare?
You don't deserve him. If you don't say something, then you do NOT fucking deserve him.
He opened his mouth, intending to apologize, to say that he regretted ever writing that silly note, that he never wanted to cause Iriador any pain--as stupid as that sounded now, considering the current state of things--but Iriador caught his movements and shook his head, effectively silencing him before he'd even had a chance to utter a sound. "You don't have to say anything," the small Elf whispered.
"B-but--"
"Really. Your eyes... they say enough."
Iriador read him like an open book.
No words were exchanged between them until they reached their cozy home, and it was Ronyo that spoke first... simply because if he didn't say something, he would go insane. "Iri... you know... I love you, right?"
His lover's undersized hand wrapped around his, in such a gentle, fluid motion that he barely noticed it, and squeezed. "I never had any doubt, melamin."
~End~
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