FicWad

Sitting with my legs tucked tight under my chin, I felt the icy breeze enter through the wrists and hood of my jumper and attack my skin with their icy cold atoms. I was failing to keep myself warm, like everything else.
“You’re not thinking straight, go home it will all be ok “my mind screamed at me trying to get through but I wouldn’t let it not this time not EVER!

So here you are Rose sitting on a grassy bank of a road side situated not far from your house my mind continued. I have no idea what time I’m going back to the hellhole you call my home. But it would have to be soon it was getting dark and I can’t stand being out in the dark you get everything on this road from hitchhikers asking for directions to drug dealers asking you through muffled grunts “do you want some Charlie or weed?” as if I were some cop that could arrest him there and then but he would be able to deny because it wasn’t said clearly enough to be noticeable. Of course there was the odd prostitute every odd weekend sprawling down the road liquor bottle in a paper bag in one hand and cigarette in the other. So I didn’t want to be greeted by any of those in the pitch blank night were I would be helpless. I saw the sunset midway. I had to make the decision to get out of the spot I had been in for three hours to go back to “normal life” I life I couldn’t live but I had to , I really didn’t have a choice. So I walked what was meant to be a ten minute walk in twenty for my heaths sake but I despite dragging my feet the whole way I was confronted by that door hiding all sorrows locked inside with its wood and titanium lock .
I breathed in and closed my mind, imagined how everything used to be... how everything was meant to be. With my eyes still closed I shoved my key through the whole, listened to it click slowly and turn and felt the pressure against my hand release meaning the door had given way to let me in. Reluctantly I took my first step in I shut and locked the door behind me quietly so not to cause realisation to my entrance not making it painless but less painful. I stared at the narrow hall that had greeted me for a life time and waited... I heard the clock tick its natural repetitive tick, yes irritating it may be but it was what it was made to do and much like the human life it completed its routine tasks over and over again not having the choice of getting bored no matter how repetitive until one day its batteries ran out causing the irritation to stop the irritation of pointlessness to end and so its life comes to the end. But there is one thing a clock can’t do... it can’t stop the irritation, it can’t stop the pain, the repetition of everyday life but that’s where we as human win...we can cause it all to stop for better or for worse. With that last thought my thoughts broke off from the sound of a slightly faint moan or scream so undefined to tell which. It carried and repeated over and over again then turned to words bitter words for my help, the help I didn’t wish to give... the ungratified and unloved help. My back hit the wall and I felt the bumps of the wall paper disturb my back as my legs gave into my 7 stone worth of body weight. I hit the floor hard but it didn’t matter not right now anyway. I sat there and stared into my lap. Without realising there was a drip that fell from my face and dropped to my jeans causing a small damp patch. More fell and before I realised I was crying a lot heavily than I had done in a long time but I didn’t let a whimper pass my lips. I couldn’t let her hear a sign of weakness I promised myself that I wouldn’t let her see what she was doing was affecting me. FUCK!! I thought to myself what did I do to deserve this ...I can’t take this I can’t!! I had a dream of a happy life in my head a perfect life which from the onset was completely screwed but I had still had my heart set on it all these years. Then I saw it laying by the door it was a card... a harry potter card with Hermione Granger on it I opened it to see the handwriting addressed to me but not in the handwriting it was meant to be from. Happy 13th my loving daughter from mum followed by 13 x’s ... mums tradition to match kisses with the years...like candles on a cake. Looked to my lap and there lay a five pound note, that was my birthday present this year ... no surprise then.