FicWad

I COULDN’T BREATHE. The pressure on my chest was unbearable – it was as if something was wrapped around it, constricting tighter and tighter, crushing my lungs. I hadn’t moved, and with a shock realised that my arm was still extended in front of me, fingertips burning where they had touched his jacket. I let it fall heavily to my side. I was still watching the space where he had stood, almost in a trance. The world around me had come to a standstill. I could still hear the sounds of the party down the hallway; muffled by the words still ringing in my ears; “Don’t touch me.” – that was all he said, but it was enough. The tears had stopped. The air was still and heavy with emotion. And I couldn’t breathe.
I blinked once, hard, trying to bring myself back into the present. I turned around to find Jared and Ashley still behind me, fussing over something. Jared was leaning over her, his dark eyebrows knitted together, brow furrowed in concern as she tried to tell him not to worry. I had to look away. The sight of the two of them together sent waves of pain and longing through me. I cast my eyes downward. The cream carpet was marred with alarmingly bright patches of blood. Drake’s blood. I swallowed hard and tried to quell the rising nausea.

“Vanessa are you okay?” It was Ashley. Her delicate features were heavy with worry as she stared at me through concerned brown eyes – stared right through me, or so it seemed.

“I’m going after him.” I said suddenly, surprising even myself – the words were out of my mouth before my mind had a chance to comprehend them. Ashley sighed heavily.

“I’m not sure that’s the best …” but she stopped short at my adamant expression.

“Perhaps you should just let him …cool off Vanessa.” Jared tried to dissuade me. I could tell he was choosing his words carefully, sensing that I was going to be difficult.

“Where are my car keys?” I brushed past him, heading for the guest room to fetch my handbag. I didn’t care what they said; I couldn’t let things rest like this tonight.

“Vanessa!” Ashley’s eyes widened in alarm “You can’t drive! You’re way over the limit!” I stiffened, irritated by the outburst, irrelevant in my opinion.

“I’m feeling pretty sober right now” I said tautly, trying to push past Ashley as her and Jared blocked my path.

“ I don’t care how sober you feel. I am NOT letting you drive”

I sighed, unaffected by her authoritive tone. “Will you get out of my way please? I need to see him. I need to explain. Tonight.” I tried to push past again but Jared forced me back.

“Ash is right Vanessa. There is no way you can drive. What you need to do is calm down and think things through.” His voice was level and controlled. I knew he was right, but I wasn’t going to let that stop me. There was absolutely no way I could let anything stop me.

“Ashley, please.” I said pleadingly, my voice breaking on the last word, tears threatening to spill again. Maybe if I could just make her understand…

“Vanessa be reasonable, what are you planning to do when you get there anyway? What will you say?”

“Ash I can’t just-” I had to stop there, the tears were clouding my vision now, one more word and I would loose control. I looked at her desperately, hoping she would hear the urgency in my shaking voice. Ashley sighed and bit her lip, wavering.

“Fine,” she said finally “I’ll take you myself.” I almost smiled, the relief written all over my mascara-streaked face. I wanted to hug her, but Jared still had his arm clamped firmly around her waist.

“No.” Jared said firmly, holding her even tighter.

“Jared I have to; look at her.” She said motioning to my dishevelled, sorrowful figure.
“Ash this is your birthday party – you can’t just leave!”

“I don’t care Jared! I’m NOT letting her go out there and get herself killed!” It occurred to me that they were talking as if I wasn’t there, as if they were parents discussing an unruly child. It came so naturally to them already, even though Ash couldn’t have been more that three months pregnant. It also occurred to me that I must look pretty pathetic right now, pathetic enough that they had to treat me like a teenager.
Jared ran his fingers through his dark brown hair, realising that Ashley couldn’t be reasoned with. He sighed resignedly, letting his eyes flutter closed briefly. He opened them with a start, seeming to have come to a decision.

“Ash you need to stay here.” He said authoritively. “I’ll take Vanessa to Zac’s house..”

Ashley bit her lip. “Okay.” She looked from me to Jared, who seemed to want nothing more than to get this over with. He slid his car keys out of his jeans’ pocket and motioned me to follow him.
“Lets get going then.”

*

We were both silent as the car sped through the night. The quiet hum of the engine was the only sound to be heard. I stared out of the window, mesmerised by the passing lights, lost deep in my thoughts. The tears that threatened me earlier had gone. But this was no comfort, in their place was something much worse; a cold, hard numbness that had spread throughout my entire body. Every time I closed my eyes I saw what I was trying so to hard to block out. But the images kept coming, distorted, as if viewed on a broken television. They burned my eyelids, tightened the pressure on my chest.
I leaned back against the headrest, my eyes closing of their own accord. And all of a sudden it was as if I was back in Ashley’s hallway, over an hour ago…

“You’re a baaad influence on me Drake.” I grinned as he handed me the bottle and raised it to my lips eagerly. He smiled at me lopsidedly.

“You love it.” He said, taking a step closer, forcing me back against the wall. I was suddenly very aware of his closeness, the heat of his body, the smell of his cologne- woody, yet sharp. My mind, fogged by the alcohol, was suddenly thinking some very unholy thoughts. I stared at his mouth as I set the bottle down on a side table.

“I do.” I said huskily, my breathing getting heavier as he moved even closer, pressing himself into my body…. And then his lips were on mine and his hands were in my hair and I could I feel myself arching into him, my lips parting obediently - my body moving by reflex rather than conscious thought.
His left arm dropped from my hair, his hand brushing against my breast on its way to my abdomen. I felt a jolt of electricity run through my body at his touch. It cut through the fog surrounding my brain, revealing one still image.

“Drake wait.” I suddenly felt nauseous as I realised what I was doing. I couldn’t get his face out of my mind. Drake’s hand crept beneath the hem of my top.

He was smiling at me, perfect in my mind. I had to stop this. “Drake, stop. I can’t – I, I have a boyfriend-”

“Is he here?” He said, kissing my neck.
“No, but-“
He cut me off. “Then what he doesn’t know won’t hurt him.” He sucked at the base of my throat. His hand slid further up my top, fingers trailing up my spine.

“I love you Vanessa” Zac said.

It was too much. “Drake sto-“

My eyes flickered open. I couldn’t face the next part. I could already feel the pain of it rising in my chest, threatening to break my composure. I clenched my jaw, trying to erase it from my mind. But it kept coming, forcing me to face it, to face what I’d done. To face him….

I turned my head and he was there. At first I thought I was hallucinating. How could he be here? He was in London, he had to be!
But he wasn’t. He was here. His expression was hard as stone, his mouth set in a grim line, his beautiful blue eyes darkened with anger.
We stared at each other for a moment, both frozen in horror. I was sure that my heart had stopped beating in my chest.
The realization suddenly hit me like a ten-foot wave. He was surprising me. He came from London to surprise me. And now here I was, unable to move, with Drake Bell of all people draped over me, kissing my neck, my hand gripping his wrist, as his disappeared beneath my top.

“So are you going to tell me what the hell just happened?” Jared turned to me suddenly, yanking me out of the memory.

“No.” I growled. He stiffened at my tone and turned his eyes back to the road. I knew I wasn’t being fair. This was not Jared’s fault; I had no right to take it out on him, especially since he didn’t even have to be here, driving me to see him.

“Sorry.” I said, frowning apologetically. “Its just … complicated” I sighed “I’ll explain it all later, my head is really not in the right place right now” I closed my eyes, hoping to put an end to the conversation, forgetting that it would all rush back to me as I did …

It all happened very quickly after that. A blur of motion; arms and legs flew around me.

And then there was blood…. and Drake was on the floor…. and I was screaming… the blood … Oh God, the blood …. “No Zac! Stop! STOP IT! YOU’LL KILL HIM!”… and Ashley was there… “Jared do something!”… Jared pushed him backwards … “How dare he!”…. and Zac surged forwards… Ashley tried to stop him … and she fell … he pushed her… no he couldn’t have, he wouldn’t, she’s pregnant … the baby …. Drake left… and I was crying harder and harder... I reached out, I had to stop him … “Zac-” … “Don’t touch me.”

I opened my eyes with a start.

Don’t touch me.

My head was screaming.

Don’t touch me.

My breathing was laboured.

Don’t touch me.

It should have stopped.

Don’t touch me.

It was getting worse.

Don’t touch me.

Don’t touch me.

Don’t touch me.