FicWad

Hey. I recommend listening to 'Shattered" by OAR while you read this, A) because it is a great song and B) becuase it will make this make sense.

I load the last of my bags into the car. This is it. I’m leaving. Again.

I look up at the quaint two story house that I used to call home. She stands on the porch, her eyes pleading. But I don’t care. She’s the reason I’m doing this. I would have stayed here with her forever. But our love doesn’t mean as much to her as it does to me. If it did she wouldn’t have cheated on me.

Again.

This isn’t the first time we’ve done this. Hell, it’s almost a routine by now. I love her. I give her my heart. I go out on tour with the band for a few months. I get back to find her fucking someone else. Every time I do I swear it’ll be the last. I pack up the car, just like I’m doing now, and I leave. Usually I make it as far as the interstate. Once I even got on it.

My eyes wander to hers, and I sigh. The first time we did this, I cried. Not now. Now I’m numb. I’m not wasting enough energy on this to cry. So the world does it for me. As the first of the raindrops hit the ground, I slip into the driver’s seat and slam the door.

I back out of the drive and she runs off the porch into the rain, shouting and pleading with me. I ignore it and drive away down the road. I turn off the block, then stop the car. The rain is pounding down so hard that I can’t even see where I’m going.

I don’t want to stop. Not yet. Not this close. Because without the simple act of driving, there is nothing to keep my mind off of her.

I let the memories flood over me. Not that I have much of a choice. I just don’t understand how she has this power over me. I’m alright without her. On tour, with the guys, I’m a charming, fun-loving individual. I do just fine without her. But when we come home, some how I can never leave her.

Why does she always do this to me? Why do I let her? Every time, she breaks my heart every time.

But I always go back for more. What am I expecting? Why do I think this time will be any different from the last? At first her cries and promises convinced me, but by now that act is so old that even naïve, innocent, little me won’t fall for it. But somehow it still works.

I guess it’s the touring. When I leave, I convince myself to forget the bad times and remember only the good. And the good are so good. I’m almost able to forget. She breaks my heart, then I spend months on tour mending it. Just to come home and hand it to her to break all over again.

And I always do. Always.

The rain continues pounding, too hard to drive, for hours. I’ve never seen a storm this strong last so long. I sit there for hours, reliving my life with her. Frustration builds inside me until I can’t hold it in anymore. I force my way out of the car, and fall to my knees on the pavement, the rain instantly soaking me through. Screaming in anger, I pound my fist hard onto the road, taking my anger out on the street in the pouring rain. With every rain drop in know I’m one step closer to ending up back in her arms. At this rate I think I’ll never leave.

I tell myself I don’t need her. I don’t need the pain and I don’t need the heartache. I’m in a world famous rock band. I can have any girl I want. I don’t need her. I tell myself. But I don’t believe me.

My heart is beyond broken, it’s shattered. You can only break and mend a heart so many times. After a while it’s so beat up that no one else will want it, and you won’t want to give it to anyone else. My heart is hers. It always will be.

The rain has almost stopped now. It’s definitely light enough to allow me to drive. I stand, feeling myself give up. I’m doing it again. I don’t know why, I don’t even care. But I am. I’m going back to her. I get back into my car and turn around.

I pull into the drive, again. She is still on the porch. Seeing the car she looks up, surprised. Like she didn’t know I’d be back. I always come back. I get out and she runs over to me, throwing her arms around my neck. “I’m so sorry, babe, please don’t ever leave me again,” she sobs. I hug her back. But it’s all an act. I don’t feel anything. I’m wasting my time here, just waiting for the next tour, when the cycle will start all over.

She looks up into my eyes and kisses me lightly on the lips. The look in her eyes captures me. That kiss does something to me. I can’t explain it. She takes all the numbness away. I sweep her up in my arms and take her inside, out of the rain, smiling. This feels so right. I remember now. This is why I come back. Every time. And I always will.

Yuppers. I love that song and just had to write on it. Please review. Love you to pieces (don't make me make that literal).