FicWad

He spread his wings out wide. White, soft feathered wings. They made a soft flapping sound. To be him. To be what he was. Alone in his thoughts of wishing for something else. Always amongst others of his kind, but always alone. And then there was her face. Her presence always in his mind and her smile always bringing a smile on his lips. He would spend hours looking at her, wishing to say those words. To speak with her, to touch her and hold her. Every time she cried he wanted to kiss the tears of her face and hold her for hours. When she smiled he wanted to be there and share her happiness. He wanted to be her everything and whole world. But he couldn't be anything out of that.
Tears fell silent down his cheeks. She was human. Alive. Living in the world. Why did love have to do this to him? It didn't matter how much he wanted to touch her, he couldn't. He could only watch her. Watch her cry, like she did every time her heart was broken. Like she did when her parents died. Like she did when her first child died only hours after birth. He could only watch her, as he had done for 26 years. From the day she came out from her mother's womb until this very moment. Of course he had not been watching her always. Not every minute of her life, but almost. He was sent to protect her, to watch her. She was to become an important human for humanity. He didn't know how and she certainly didn't know.
Then he remembered that he actually had touched her once. Maybe it was then he had fallen in love with her. She had crossed the street without looking, when a car had come racing at her. It was only at times like that he could touch her. When she was in danger. That time he had pushed her of the road. She had thought that she had slipped and fell. Then she had got up and continued her walk. He had watched her walk away, leaving him sitting there, alone. Alone again.
He wrapped his wings around himself, as to shelter from all the sadness and pain. It didn't help much though. He could still see her face. Still hear her voice, speaking and laughing.
He spread out his wings again and continued watching the endless ocean. It was beautiful, had always been beautiful and would always be beautiful. He had been watching it for hundreds and hundreds of years. But now there was something more beautiful. Again her face appeared in front of him. Why had faith been so cruel?
The sun had just reached the horizon and for a swift moment the whole world seemed to stop. But he didn't notice. He didn't notice at all. His eyes were red from crying and his thoughts were of nothing but her. A last look at the ocean as the sun set and then he spread his wings again and his feet lifted from the ground.
The wind blew his hair from his face and also made him blink his eyes very often. He lifted higher up, as if to escape the blowing wind. Or maybe he wanted to escape the feeling of breathing the same air as her. Though he knew escaping was useless. There was no escape and he would only get in trouble. He stopped and hanged still in the air. He looked down. To him the earth was small, but still... There were so many people living there. So many to watch over. But not everyone got a guardian of their own. Only those who were to make a difference in the world.
He closed his eyes. What if he would wrap his own wings around him and stop flying? Maybe he would hit the ground and end his pain.
- No Emorian, my son. You know you can not feel physical pain. And you can not die. You will land on the ground and then you will rise again and the world will continue turning.
- I am sorry father. I...
- Never thought about how much it would hurt me if you actually would die?
Emorian felt really ashamed. In truth, he had not thought of that. He had been selfish. Only thinking of himself. Again tears began to fill up his eyes.
- But then again, said father. It hurts me just as much to see any of my children in pain, human or angel alike. Tell me Emorian, would you give up heaven for her? Would you leave your home for her, even if she would turn you down?
Emorian looked into the Holy Father's eyes and answered:
- By all that I Love and all the heavens, yes. To be able to touch her just once, I would give away everything.
The Holy Father looked a long time at Emorian. Then he turned his face down to earth.
- There is one way. I can cut your wings. You will wake up with human memories of a mother, father and a childhood. You will have a human job, a human name and human friends. It will be like you had lived on earth all your human life. But you will also remember your life here in heaven and what you gave up for her. You will never be able to come back as an angel. You will come back when your human body dies, but as a human soul. You will never be able to talk with us or see us, but you know we are there. Once you make you decision there will be no turning back.
The Holy Father stopped talking. Emorian knew he was waiting for an answer. But what was he going to say. Of course he wanted to be by her side, but to give up heaven? What if he would regret it? Or if she would turn him down?
- You will feel different kinds of pain. Some of them good, some of them bad. You will have good times and bad times. Sometimes you will want to return to heaven.
Emorian felt like he was being cheated. No matter what he chose, he would loose the other one. He couldn't have both.
- You are wrong, my son. You will always keep the other in your heart. But you must choose now, because this offer will not come again.
Emorian took a deep breath and opened his mouth, but no words would come out. His thoughts went fast through his mind. Round and round. Never slowing down.
- I... I accept.

It was the sun that had woke him up. His head hurt from last nights partying. Or was that really the reason? He could remember heaven but was it yesterday he was there or was it years ago?
He put down his feet on the cold floor. A shiver went down his back.
- Holy Father in Heaven, it's cold, he muttered to himself.
He put on some clothes that he just had thrown on the floor the last night. One sock was missing so he just threw the one he found in the laundry basket and picked out a new pair from the drawers.
Was it Saturday or Sunday? He couldn't remember. What on earth had he been drinking last night? His head threatened to explode. Where were the painkillers?
He finally found them, but there was only one left. Why was everything against him this morning? Nothing seemed to be in it's place. He threw away the empty package, filled a glass of water and tried to swallow the pill. But it wouldn't go down on the first. Nor the second or third time. When he finally got it down he put the empty glass in the dishwasher, while struggling against cursing. He turned the TV on in the kitchen.
"Local news today. A 13 year old girl is still missing after last nights fire at the local disco. She was last seen by her friends. They had all gotten out safe and then she had disappeared."
Images of a young girl flashed by on the TV.
- More misery, he sighed to himself.
"Late last night an old man was hospitalized, due to taking severe injuries after being beaten up by a local gang."
- Only misery.
He turned the TV of. Why were humans like this? Why had they forgotten about love and the Holy Father? He felt sorry for the human race. Only a few were left that still believed in love and the Holy Father.
Suddenly the phone rang. He hesitated a few seconds; it could be someone from work. Maybe Marc who wanted to continue last night. He did absolutely not feel like having his head hurting another day. But then again it could be anyone. He decided to pick up the phone.
- Emorian Carthord.
- E! It's Cameron. Heard you and Marc partied all around town last night.
What on earth had Marc put in his glass last night? He couldn't even remember where they had started out.
- I'm afraid I don't remember much from last night.
- You must have gotten really wasted last night then. Hehe. As expected when you go out with Marc. Though that was not really the reason why I called. Today it's Saturday and the great...
So, it was Saturday. Good. He hadn't missed Sunday service.
- So are you coming? Emorian? Hello? Did you fall asleep?
- I'm sorry. I just got lost in thoughts. What was your question again?
- The Festival of Light. You know the one when we celebrate all the good things and forget about the troublesome things.
- Cameron! Don't mock me.
- Hehe. So I got an extra ticket. Want to tag along?
The Festival of Light. No doubt it would involve more drinking. And more embarrassing memories that everyone but himself would remember.
- So how's it gonna be?
- All right then. Since I'm getting invited I can't just turn the offer down.
- Great! We pick you up in two hours. Be ready.
- Who else...
A silent 'click' told him there was no use in continuing the question. Cameron had already hanged up.
Emorian sighed. This day wasn't really getting any better. Sure it will be fun at the festival, but he felt more like staying home. Especially as his head threatened to explode. Why wasn't that pill working? He dragged himself back to the bedroom and fell down on the bed. If it only was tomorrow.

He gazed over the festival area. There were market stalls everywhere, plenty of merry-go-rounds and loud music. The tower was an excellent spotting place and also quieter then the rest of the area. He had escaped there as soon as possible. There was something very peaceful about the tower. Maybe it was because he felt closer to heaven and the Holy Father. Maybe because there weren't that many people there. There was a young couple, an old man and a boy with a paper plane. Emorian watched as the boy let go of the plane and silently it went down. Silently and slowly downwards. The boy ran to the elevator and left the tower.
Emorian turned his eyes to the plane again. It was almost halfway down. To fly again. What would that feel like? Why had he given that up that? He smiled. He knew all to well why. But he had done nothing. Not even seen her again. He was afraid. For the first time ever, he was afraid.
He sighed and closed his eyes. Why did he feel like that now? He turned around, only to find himself bumping into something. He opened his eyed and saw a girl sitting on the ground in front of him. Around her there were papers, pencils, books and all kinds of stuff that had been thrown out of here bags in the collision.
- I'm sorry, he said and held out his hand.
She looked up at him. She had a beautiful face. She... It was her. She blinked with her blue eyes a few times and then she reached for his hand.
Emorian felt how his heartbeats increased in speed, and still it seemed as if his heart had stopped beating. She seemed even more beautiful then he remembered. Her blond hair framing her porcelain-like face. The sky-blue eyes that seemed to see trough anything and her small lips that seemed so soft, especially when she smiled.
He helped her to her feet.
- Thank you.
She was standing so close that he could hardly breathe. Her perfume smelled sweet and her voice was like nothing he had ever heard.
- Are you okay? You look a little pale. If it's about bumping into me, it's all right. I bumped into you as well and should maybe have watched myself. And I'm not hurt. I'm all right.
She smiled to prove her own statement. Emorian felt as if he had no strength left. His knees threatened to give in and make him hit the ground. He opened his mouth to speak but there was no sound.
Then he noticed he was still holding her hand. It was soft and warm. He didn't really want to let go, but what would she think if he kept on holding it? He slowly let go.
- I... I'm... so sorry, was all he could get out.
- I said it's okay. But could you help me pick up my things, please?
Emorian shyness finally washed of and he was able to move. He helped her pick up her things and when he gave the last thing to her he smiled.
- I'm really sorry about what happened. Let me buy you some coffee or tea or anything.
- I told you it was all right. Stop apologizing. But I will not turn down your offer. Some tea would be nice.
As they entered the elevator to go down, the little boy from before came out, holding his paper plane in one hand. The boy walked up to the edge and let o of the plane again. Emorian held the elevator doors open for him and the boy ran back and the whole trip downwards he was smiling, impatiently waiting for the elevator to reach the bottom floor. Emorian looked at the boy and smiled. The boy had so much love and joy inside.
The elevator stopped and the boy went of, in search of his plane. Emorian looked at the woman he loved for years. She was looking at the little boy running to catch his plane. She was smiling and still there was a small glint of sadness in her eyes.
- My boy would have been six years old if he would have been alive today, she just said out of the blue.
Emorian felt a lump in his throat. How he wish he could tell her everything.
- By the way, I don't think I've introduced myself. My name is Ilona Summers.
- Emorian Carthord.
She smiled.
- How about that cup of tea?
- I know a really wonderful café just ten minutes from here.

And they had a cup of tea, followed by a movie. One evening turned to a second date and the second to a third.

The evening sky had taken a dark blue shade and the stars had started coming out. Emorian closed his eyes. This was the place he wanted to stay in forever. Together with her. With his head in her knee and her hands running through his hair. The whole world around could crumble if they could stay this way forever.
- Emorian.
- Yes, Ilona.
- It's getting a little chilly.
Emorian sat up, took of his own jacket and put it on her shoulders.
- Then let's go home.
She smiled and placed a soft kiss on his lips. But once she rose, her eyes went distant and she fell back down.
- Ilona! Ilona!
She didn't answer. Her eyes were closed and her breathing weak.
- Ilona! Wake up!
Tears began running down Emorian's face. He turned his face to the sky and from his lips came a cry of pain.
- Father, why?!
He pulled her close and lifted her up. She was till breathing. Still Alive.

He couldn't remember how he got there, but at this moment he was sitting in the doctor's office, waiting for an answer. His eyes were red from crying and breathing was hard. It felt like someone tried to suffocate him.
The door opened and the doctor stepped in.
- Are you Ilona Kemero's husband?
- Boyfriend. Emorian Carthord.
- Right. I'm Doctor Andrew Jones.
- Is she okay, doctor?
- Her condition is stable, but I'm afraid she will not survive long, unless she has surgery.
- S-surgery?
The doctor placed some x-rays on the light board and pointed at a few places.
- She has a brain tumour on the left side. I'm afraid it has grown rather large and will be difficult to remove.
Emorian suddenly knew what to do. Everything would be all right.
- Go on with the surgery.
- There's a fifty percent chance she won't make it. If she doesn't take it she will have at least a few days left. If she takes the surgery she might die today. Are you sure this is what both of you want?
- Yes.
- All right. I'll get the papers ready for you to sign. Meanwhile, why don't you go and visit her. She's in room 172.
Emorian felt that everything was going to be all right, as he left the room. He wouldn't allow her to die. Not yet. She would survive today.
As he approached her room he silently started praying.
- Our Father, who art in heaven, Hallowed be thy Name. Thy kingdom come...
His words became stronger as he approached her bed.
- Thy will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread...
He placed his hand on her head and whispered in her ear:
- I'm sorry. I can not stay, but I will always watch you. I will always love you and I will be waiting for you.
He kissed her gently.
- And forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil.
He could almost hear the angels singing, almost see heaven. He would be another human soul returning. No angel anymore.
- For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, for ever and ever. Amen.
She seemed so peaceful. Still alive. Only sleeping.
- Father. I will go back in her place. Please let her live.
Tears began to run down his face.
- Let her live.

It was Sunday. The church bells rang. Telling everyone that the Sunday service was over. But in their bright and beautiful clinging were a sound no human would hear.
In the cemetery a woman and a child where walking silently. They walked slowly and with smiles on their faces. Today was a beautiful day. And why wouldn't it be? They stopped at one of the grave and the boy place the flowers, that he been carried, on the grave. Then he stepped back and let his mother embrace him.
- You rest here so peacefully. My loved one. How I wished I could see you once more. How I wished I could have seen you grow up.
The boy looked at his mother. A tear was running down her cheek. He reached for her hand and pressed it. A man approached them from behind and embraced them both.
- He's watching you from heaven. He's an angel now.
- Is he really daddy?
The man sat down in the grass and placed the boy in his knee.
- Yes. He has been watching us a long time. Specially your mother. He died before you were born and I know he is in heaven and that he is an angel. I've met him once.
- But you can not see angels, the boy exclaimed.
The man sat silent. Yes, that was right. Humans couldn't see them. Not until they entered heaven. He stroked the boy's hair back and kissed him on the forehead. The boy attacked his father and made him fall backwards in the grass. The man laughed.
- Mommy, you too, the boy yelled.
- Yes mommy, said the man and laughed even more then before.
The woman looked at both of them in the grass. She smiled and surrendered to their request. She sat down beside them and was then pushed down by them both. Together they laughed.
After a while the boy got tired and fell asleep in his fathers lap.
- I am lucky, aren't I? said the man, looked on his wife and smiled.
- Well, you better be or I'll... she said and smiled.
The man leaned forward and kissed her.
- I love you, Ilona.
- I know, Emorian. I love you to.