Categories > Movies > Star Wars
Unnatural Woman
1 reviewObi-Wan deals with his Padawan in the aftermath of a mission. The only problem is that his Padawan is in a dress. Family friendly but risqué!
0Unrated
Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi was flushed with embarrassment. The kind of embarrassment that would never go away. The kind that Siri Tachi would never, ever let him forget.
As he walked the halls of the Jedi Temple, he attempted to keep a serene expression on his face, but his efforts were failing as a mixture of a smile and a grimace kept trying to appear on his bearded face.
In front of him was his Padawan, Anakin Skywalker, in a bright pink dress. Not just any pink dress, it was quite possibly the frilliest dress ever. It extended a meter in every direction from his body. It flowed as he walked and it swirled around with every step he took.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if he weren’t prancing around, twirling and curtsying to every Master he met in the hallway.
Obi-Wan originally thought that Anakin was playing some sort of sick joke on him, but ever but ever since the duo's last mission to Kinyen, Anakin had been acting like this nonstop.
The mission was undercover and Anakin was playing the part of Obi-Wan’s daughter in order to infiltrate the female-only areas of the planet. Before the mission, Anakin was vehemently opposed to wearing the dress, but did it grudgingly. And after a few days on the planet, he refused to wear anything else.
A comm call to Master DeMille, the pair’s regular healer, prompted Obi-Wan to get Anakin to the healer’s ward, in case he was suffering the effects of a psychotropic drug or flash brainwashing. There were not many other options, because the 17-year-old apprentice had not left his Master’s side during the mission.
It had been a trial to get Anakin to come with him to the healer’s ward, but they were finally on their way. Nothing would stop them from arriving as soon as possible. Nothing except --
“Greetings, Master Yoda!” Anakin said in a falsetto voice as he curtseyed before the Jedi Master. A calculating gaze came into Yoda’s eyes.
“Know you, do I?” he asked.
“It’s me, you silly master, you! Anika Skywalker! We’ve only known each other eight years!” Anakin then let out a high-pitched giggle and started to skip around in a circle.
Yoda looked toward Obi-Wan and raised an eyebrow, then looked back toward Anakin. “Forgive me, you must. The same to me, all humans look. Speak to your master alone I must,” he said.
Yoda hobbled over to Obi-Wan. “Feeling all right your Padawan is, hmm?”
“No, Master. We are on our way to the healer’s ward now.”
“For you a more important question I have.”
“Oh, what is it, Master?” Obi-Wan asked.
“Look good on me, would that pink?”
Obi-Wan blinked and was about to respond when Yoda started to laugh. Obi-Wan let out a sigh of relief as he realized that he did not have to answer the question.
“I’m glad you didn’t really need my opinion on that, Master.”
“Your opinion, I do not need,” he said, laughing. “Good in that color, I know I look.”
With that, Master Yoda continued on his way, headed in the direction from which Obi-Wan and Anakin had come.
Obi-Wan looked at the eldest member of the Council, wondering if the insanity that infected his Padawan was spreading. He looked toward his Padawan and said, “Come on, Anakin, we need to get you to see the healer’s.”
Anakin didn’t respond, continuing to bounce around the hall in circles.
“Anakin… Anakin… ANAKIN!”
Obi-Wan groaned then said, “Anika.”
“Yes, Master?” Anakin said immediately, causing Obi-Wan to sigh.
“We need to be going. Now,” he said.
“Coming, Master.”
The walk to the infirmary continued in silence, partly because Obi-Wan had no idea what to say to his Padawan, and also because the beings in the hall stopped at the sight of the Chosen One in a pretty pink dress, curtseying as he passed.
When they arrived, Healer DeMille didn’t look up. Obi-Wan cleared his throat to get his attention causing the healer to look up. When he saw Anakin, his face contorted in surprise and quickly changed to barely contained mirth.
“Sweet Force!” the healer said. “Why didn’t you come to me sooner? That is not your Padawan’s color at all!”
Ignoring him, Obi-Wan stated, “My Padawan and I just got back from an undercover mission, and I thought he was only joking with me by keeping the dress on. It wasn’t until he went to the cafeteria with that dress on and tried to kiss his friend Tru that I felt the need to call you. Also, he has not answered to anything other than Anika for days.”
“I can understand. Excuse me a moment, I need to get something.” With that, healer walked away for a moment and returned with a holocam.
“Why exactly do you need that holocam, Master DeMille?” Obi-Wan asked.
“To take your Padawan’s holo, if he permits me.” The healer had a grin on his face because of all the trouble Anakin had caused him over the years.
“I’m not sure if that’s a wise idea Master --” Obi-Wan was interrupted as the healer asked Anakin if he would like his image taken.
“But I haven’t had any time to get ready! Do you have a mirror so I can freshen up?” Healer DeMille pointed to a ‘fresher behind his office and Anakin went in. After a few minutes he came out pinching his cheeks for color.
“All right, Master DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.”
It was at this point that Obi-Wan put his head in his hands and decided if his apprentice ever returned to normal, Anakin would surely turn to the dark side.
---
Several hours later, Obi-Wan carried a sleeping Anakin back to their rooms. The problem was solved; it had turned out to be a strange drug in his system that was apparently put in the food of all the women in the part of Kinyen where their mission took place.
Data that Healer DeMille uncovered showed that the Gran who inhabited the continent the Master and Padawan had visited were very misogynistic and treated women as second-class citizens. Because of the freedoms that the republic accords to all citizens, the Gran put drugs into the women’s food to keep them docile and following the rules.
But since Anakin was male, when he ingested the drug that was made for female physiology, it caused a hormonal imbalance in his system. The healer sedated Anakin while reversing the effects. The tranquilizer’s effect was extended on Obi-Wan’s orders, so that once Anika was gone from his psyche, Anakin would not have to walk back to their room in a dress.
When they arrived, Obi-Wan put his apprentice into bed. He decided against undressing him, because that would lead to an even more awkward situation once Anakin awoke.
No matter what Obi-Wan did, it was going to be an interesting morning in the Kenobi/Skywalker quarters.
---
Morning came and Obi-Wan was awakened by a hand shaking his body. He opened his eyes and saw his Padawan, still in the dress.
“What am I doing still wearing this, Master?”
“Don’t you remember? We came back to the temple and you didn’t want to take it off.”
“So that wasn’t a dream, then?”
Obi-Wan tried to hold back his smile, and succeeded. “No, Padawan, that was not a dream.”
“I’m going to die of embarrassment, Master. Can’t we go away on a mission again? Please?”
“Sorry, Padawan, we’re in the temple, grounded for a few weeks,” Obi-Wan said as he got out of bed and began his morning stretches.
“I’m going to die, Master.” Anakin whined.
“No you won’t, Padawan. Everyone will forget about it after a while- a few weeks, a year, at most. On the bright side, Master DeMille might decide not share the holos.”
“HOLOS?” Anakin’s panicked yell rang through the room as he fell down onto his Master’s bed and buried his face in the pillow. It was going to be a long year.
As he walked the halls of the Jedi Temple, he attempted to keep a serene expression on his face, but his efforts were failing as a mixture of a smile and a grimace kept trying to appear on his bearded face.
In front of him was his Padawan, Anakin Skywalker, in a bright pink dress. Not just any pink dress, it was quite possibly the frilliest dress ever. It extended a meter in every direction from his body. It flowed as he walked and it swirled around with every step he took.
It wouldn’t have been so bad if he weren’t prancing around, twirling and curtsying to every Master he met in the hallway.
Obi-Wan originally thought that Anakin was playing some sort of sick joke on him, but ever but ever since the duo's last mission to Kinyen, Anakin had been acting like this nonstop.
The mission was undercover and Anakin was playing the part of Obi-Wan’s daughter in order to infiltrate the female-only areas of the planet. Before the mission, Anakin was vehemently opposed to wearing the dress, but did it grudgingly. And after a few days on the planet, he refused to wear anything else.
A comm call to Master DeMille, the pair’s regular healer, prompted Obi-Wan to get Anakin to the healer’s ward, in case he was suffering the effects of a psychotropic drug or flash brainwashing. There were not many other options, because the 17-year-old apprentice had not left his Master’s side during the mission.
It had been a trial to get Anakin to come with him to the healer’s ward, but they were finally on their way. Nothing would stop them from arriving as soon as possible. Nothing except --
“Greetings, Master Yoda!” Anakin said in a falsetto voice as he curtseyed before the Jedi Master. A calculating gaze came into Yoda’s eyes.
“Know you, do I?” he asked.
“It’s me, you silly master, you! Anika Skywalker! We’ve only known each other eight years!” Anakin then let out a high-pitched giggle and started to skip around in a circle.
Yoda looked toward Obi-Wan and raised an eyebrow, then looked back toward Anakin. “Forgive me, you must. The same to me, all humans look. Speak to your master alone I must,” he said.
Yoda hobbled over to Obi-Wan. “Feeling all right your Padawan is, hmm?”
“No, Master. We are on our way to the healer’s ward now.”
“For you a more important question I have.”
“Oh, what is it, Master?” Obi-Wan asked.
“Look good on me, would that pink?”
Obi-Wan blinked and was about to respond when Yoda started to laugh. Obi-Wan let out a sigh of relief as he realized that he did not have to answer the question.
“I’m glad you didn’t really need my opinion on that, Master.”
“Your opinion, I do not need,” he said, laughing. “Good in that color, I know I look.”
With that, Master Yoda continued on his way, headed in the direction from which Obi-Wan and Anakin had come.
Obi-Wan looked at the eldest member of the Council, wondering if the insanity that infected his Padawan was spreading. He looked toward his Padawan and said, “Come on, Anakin, we need to get you to see the healer’s.”
Anakin didn’t respond, continuing to bounce around the hall in circles.
“Anakin… Anakin… ANAKIN!”
Obi-Wan groaned then said, “Anika.”
“Yes, Master?” Anakin said immediately, causing Obi-Wan to sigh.
“We need to be going. Now,” he said.
“Coming, Master.”
The walk to the infirmary continued in silence, partly because Obi-Wan had no idea what to say to his Padawan, and also because the beings in the hall stopped at the sight of the Chosen One in a pretty pink dress, curtseying as he passed.
When they arrived, Healer DeMille didn’t look up. Obi-Wan cleared his throat to get his attention causing the healer to look up. When he saw Anakin, his face contorted in surprise and quickly changed to barely contained mirth.
“Sweet Force!” the healer said. “Why didn’t you come to me sooner? That is not your Padawan’s color at all!”
Ignoring him, Obi-Wan stated, “My Padawan and I just got back from an undercover mission, and I thought he was only joking with me by keeping the dress on. It wasn’t until he went to the cafeteria with that dress on and tried to kiss his friend Tru that I felt the need to call you. Also, he has not answered to anything other than Anika for days.”
“I can understand. Excuse me a moment, I need to get something.” With that, healer walked away for a moment and returned with a holocam.
“Why exactly do you need that holocam, Master DeMille?” Obi-Wan asked.
“To take your Padawan’s holo, if he permits me.” The healer had a grin on his face because of all the trouble Anakin had caused him over the years.
“I’m not sure if that’s a wise idea Master --” Obi-Wan was interrupted as the healer asked Anakin if he would like his image taken.
“But I haven’t had any time to get ready! Do you have a mirror so I can freshen up?” Healer DeMille pointed to a ‘fresher behind his office and Anakin went in. After a few minutes he came out pinching his cheeks for color.
“All right, Master DeMille, I'm ready for my close-up.”
It was at this point that Obi-Wan put his head in his hands and decided if his apprentice ever returned to normal, Anakin would surely turn to the dark side.
---
Several hours later, Obi-Wan carried a sleeping Anakin back to their rooms. The problem was solved; it had turned out to be a strange drug in his system that was apparently put in the food of all the women in the part of Kinyen where their mission took place.
Data that Healer DeMille uncovered showed that the Gran who inhabited the continent the Master and Padawan had visited were very misogynistic and treated women as second-class citizens. Because of the freedoms that the republic accords to all citizens, the Gran put drugs into the women’s food to keep them docile and following the rules.
But since Anakin was male, when he ingested the drug that was made for female physiology, it caused a hormonal imbalance in his system. The healer sedated Anakin while reversing the effects. The tranquilizer’s effect was extended on Obi-Wan’s orders, so that once Anika was gone from his psyche, Anakin would not have to walk back to their room in a dress.
When they arrived, Obi-Wan put his apprentice into bed. He decided against undressing him, because that would lead to an even more awkward situation once Anakin awoke.
No matter what Obi-Wan did, it was going to be an interesting morning in the Kenobi/Skywalker quarters.
---
Morning came and Obi-Wan was awakened by a hand shaking his body. He opened his eyes and saw his Padawan, still in the dress.
“What am I doing still wearing this, Master?”
“Don’t you remember? We came back to the temple and you didn’t want to take it off.”
“So that wasn’t a dream, then?”
Obi-Wan tried to hold back his smile, and succeeded. “No, Padawan, that was not a dream.”
“I’m going to die of embarrassment, Master. Can’t we go away on a mission again? Please?”
“Sorry, Padawan, we’re in the temple, grounded for a few weeks,” Obi-Wan said as he got out of bed and began his morning stretches.
“I’m going to die, Master.” Anakin whined.
“No you won’t, Padawan. Everyone will forget about it after a while- a few weeks, a year, at most. On the bright side, Master DeMille might decide not share the holos.”
“HOLOS?” Anakin’s panicked yell rang through the room as he fell down onto his Master’s bed and buried his face in the pillow. It was going to be a long year.
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