Categories > Celebrities > Panic! At The Disco > This Feeling Is Tearing Me Up
Wow!!! So i'm really sorry about not updating. I know I'm terrible. This chapter is a bit long and possibly boring, but it's leading up to something pretty big that MAddy and Brendon are going to have to face. Please review and let me know what you think so far. Thank you so much for sticking with the story for so long. I really appreciate it!
Maddy's POV
I packed a small overnight bag and went in search for Ella.
"Ella," I called. I heard her tiny feet pitter-patter across the hardwood floors. She stood at my feet with perked ears and an open expression.
"Let's go see Jade," I smiled as I scooped her up off the ground. I sat Ella on the couch next to my bag as i strolled into the kitchen for a bottle of water. I opened the refrigerator door and pulled out a cold bottle. I closed the door and turned around.
"Holy Shit!" I gasped. When I got scared I dropped the bottle. I knelt down to pick it up. "What are you doing here?"
"I missed you."
"You were gone for ten minutes."
"But I didn't give you a proper kiss goodbye. Ryan interrupted me."
"You turned around just to give me a kiss."
"Of course." Brendon walked across the kitchen and wrapped me up in his arms. He gently pecked my lips and my chin a few times. My breathing grew heavy, as did his. I parted my lips a bit to let his lips dance with mine. He pulled my in towards him and I grabbed the loops of his jeans around his waist and pulled him towards me. He traced my bottom lip with his warm, inviting tongue and sucked a bit. I couldn't take it anymore. This kiss was intense but not as intense as I needed it to be. I ran my hands up the soft fabric of his shirt until they reached his neck. Then I tangled my fingers in his hair and lightly pulled our faces closer together. Our tongues finally wrestled as I had longed for.
"you....you...you better get going," I barely managed to stammer out.
"I've got time," he whispered as he smiled. We continued to kiss as he slowly pulled me by the waist towards our bedroom. When he tried to make it into the doorway of our room he came up to short and ended up backing into the door frame. We giggled a bit as he corrected himself, but still effortlessly remained kissing. He stumbled on to the bed and pulled me down over top of him. I felt his cold hands raise the hemline of my shirt. I shivered a bit as he grinned.
"That's not funny," I breathed.
"It was a bit funny."
I leaned down and smiled right before pushing off of him. I stood up and took a few steps back.
"What are you doing?" he asked in shock.
"I've changed my mind. I don't want to anymore."
"What?! That's not funny. You can't leave me with this." He said as he motioned to pants.
"It's a bit funny," I smiled smugly before walking out of the door.
"Oh no you don't," he laughed as he ran after me and wrapped his hands around my waist. He picked me up and started towards the bed.
"I'm not joking," I was now laughing hysterically,"I'm done, you've pissed me."
"Yea, yea sure," he smiled as he gently laid me back on the bed. I decided to give in and pulled his shirt over his head. He followed doing the same with mine. His hands traced down towards the elastic band on my shorts. I stopped him. His head snapped up and his face filled with concern.
"Are you okay?" he whispered. I tilted forward and kissed him. "What was that for?"
"I just realized how much you mean to me."
He smiled and rubbed my cheek with his thumb and kissed me. I stared into his eyes for a bit. Just taking everything in. I suddenly wasn't afraid of anything anymore. It's like something inside him held all the answers. I kissed him once again and pulled him back down towards the bed with me. More fabric was removed and bodies tangled as our little ritual preceded. It felt like a few days had passed when we were underneath the covers smiling at each other, but it only turned out to be 20 minutes.
"Ryan's going to be so pissed at you," I laughed.
"Nah, I'll just tell him that I hit traffic." I let out a sigh and wrapped my arms tighter around his waist. He laughed.
"What? This is my attempt at making sure that you stay here. Even if I know you have to leave soon."
"Well if it makes you feel better, you are doing an awesome job. I really don't' want to go. You know what I always wonder about?"
"Hmm?"
"Like, when we have kids and we are married and all, is it always gonna be like this?"
"Like what?"
"Constantly missing each other and working around tours and new records and producing. I mean we never really get a real break just to be with each other. It's always like two weeks before the next thing comes up."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm just saying that sometimes I wish things would have worked out differently."
"Like how?"
"I don't maybe if we hadn't gotten signed we would actually be like a normal couple."
"If you had never gotten signed then you would have never met me."
"You're right. I just wish it wasn't so fucking hard all the time."
"I used to think that too, but in a way it works for us because we won't ever get tired or bored of each other. We're always thinking about each other, and I like that. As weird as it sounds."
"You're right," he laughed," it constantly gives us something to talk about."
"Come on," I said as I retrieved my clothes and threw him his," we have places to be."
"I don't want to go," he said as he buried his face into the pillow.
Brendon's POV.
After about 20 minutes of trying to get Maddy to just come up early and bring Jade along, I decided I could go two days without her. After all, there would be more tours to come. The drive to the cabin was pretty short, only about an hour. As soon as I walked in I was quickly scolded by Ryan.
"Took you long enough to get here."
"I was driving carefully."
"Since when do you do that?"
I ignored him and continued to the studio. The members from the Cab were already here and hanging out by the soundboard.
"Sup guys," I greeted mindlessly.
"Hey," the mumbled back variously.
Maddy's POV
It was so much fun hanging out with Jade! We were acting like four year olds and jumping on the beds and flinging ice cream at each other.
"This is fucking rad!" Jade screamed.
"I know,'" i giggled," my stomach hurts from laughing so hard."
I jumped on final time and let my butt hit the mattress. Jade did the same.
"I still can't believe that you are getting married," she mused.
"I know. It's not going to be for awhile, though."
"What, do you think, made him ask?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well like what was the deciding factor. I mean why didn't he ask before?"
"Well eighteen and nineteen are pretty young ages to get married at."
"That's only a one to two year difference. It's really not that big of a deal."
"I don't know, I guess he just felt like it was the next step."
"Are you scared?"
"Not now, but I'm sure I'll be one of those psycho brides on my wedding day," I laughed.
"I don't think you will, but aren't you afraid of something happening again?"
"Not at all. I mean, for some reason I don't think he could ever do that again. I know that sounds naive, but there just something in the way that he acts that makes me believe that he's past that. I don't know if it was a phase or a rough patch, but it's over and I've moved on."
"I gotta give you credit for that."
"Nah, I'm just following my heart on this one."
"You and Brendon really do have an amazingly beautiful relationship. I'm jealous."
"You'll find somebody. Just don't even think about it. I always laugh when I think about the events that lead me to meet Brendon."
"I know! It's really weird when you think about it. Like just think what if Pete never listened to their demo, or what if you decided not to go that day."
"Right! I mean I can't even imagine what the past two years would have been like without him in my life."
"IT's eerie. All this talk is making me tired."
"You sure it wasn't skateboarding through the hotel hallways or jumping on the beds?"
"No that's all mindless, you are making me think right now."
"You started the conversation!"
"Yea, but you had to go all mushy gushy on me."
"Oh, Please!" I laughed. I stood up and crossed the room to my bed.
"It's only two o'clock, we're getting old. When we were nineteen we could stay up until at least 2:30."
"Yep, what's next? Gray hair and arthritis?"
"Just so you know."
"Whatever," I laughed," Goodnight."
She flicked off the light and I fell fast asleep.
Brendon's POV
I was in a good mood when I woke up considering that Maddy was coming up today. Jade left about an hour ago and Maddy was now on her way here with Ella. She should be here in no time. I walked into the kitchen where Spencer was sitting.
"Morning," he mumbled sleepily.
"Morning," I smiled.
"What are you so happy about?" he laughed.
"Maddy's coming up today."
"That's cool. Jon will be excited. Those two are like demon twins are something."
I let out a loud laugh as I heard the front door open.
"Hello?" She yelled into the quiet house with the dog barking louder. I ran to the front door and wrapped her in my arms.
"I missed you." I mumbled as I burrowed my head into her hair.
"I miss you, too," she smiled, pulling away and giving me a kiss," Where is everyone?"
"Sleeping."
"Not me," Spencer smiled as he walked towards the front door and gave Maddy a hug.
"Hey Spence, how are you?"
"Tired, but good."
"Come on," I smiled," I'll show you where we are sleeping, among other things."
"Ew," Spencer grimaced.
"Nice. Don't talk like that in front of the children," I joked. Brendon picked up my bags and started dragging them up the stairs. Ella followed on his heels. He turned the corner and trudged up another flight of stairs. Ella slid a bit so I picked her up and carried her up a third set of stairs.
"What are we sleeping on the roof?" I asked sarcastically.
"Nope," he said dropping the bags in a big open room," the loft."
"The Loft?" I asked as I looked around.
"Ultimate privacy," he smirked.
"Charming," I laughed.
Maddy's POV
I packed a small overnight bag and went in search for Ella.
"Ella," I called. I heard her tiny feet pitter-patter across the hardwood floors. She stood at my feet with perked ears and an open expression.
"Let's go see Jade," I smiled as I scooped her up off the ground. I sat Ella on the couch next to my bag as i strolled into the kitchen for a bottle of water. I opened the refrigerator door and pulled out a cold bottle. I closed the door and turned around.
"Holy Shit!" I gasped. When I got scared I dropped the bottle. I knelt down to pick it up. "What are you doing here?"
"I missed you."
"You were gone for ten minutes."
"But I didn't give you a proper kiss goodbye. Ryan interrupted me."
"You turned around just to give me a kiss."
"Of course." Brendon walked across the kitchen and wrapped me up in his arms. He gently pecked my lips and my chin a few times. My breathing grew heavy, as did his. I parted my lips a bit to let his lips dance with mine. He pulled my in towards him and I grabbed the loops of his jeans around his waist and pulled him towards me. He traced my bottom lip with his warm, inviting tongue and sucked a bit. I couldn't take it anymore. This kiss was intense but not as intense as I needed it to be. I ran my hands up the soft fabric of his shirt until they reached his neck. Then I tangled my fingers in his hair and lightly pulled our faces closer together. Our tongues finally wrestled as I had longed for.
"you....you...you better get going," I barely managed to stammer out.
"I've got time," he whispered as he smiled. We continued to kiss as he slowly pulled me by the waist towards our bedroom. When he tried to make it into the doorway of our room he came up to short and ended up backing into the door frame. We giggled a bit as he corrected himself, but still effortlessly remained kissing. He stumbled on to the bed and pulled me down over top of him. I felt his cold hands raise the hemline of my shirt. I shivered a bit as he grinned.
"That's not funny," I breathed.
"It was a bit funny."
I leaned down and smiled right before pushing off of him. I stood up and took a few steps back.
"What are you doing?" he asked in shock.
"I've changed my mind. I don't want to anymore."
"What?! That's not funny. You can't leave me with this." He said as he motioned to pants.
"It's a bit funny," I smiled smugly before walking out of the door.
"Oh no you don't," he laughed as he ran after me and wrapped his hands around my waist. He picked me up and started towards the bed.
"I'm not joking," I was now laughing hysterically,"I'm done, you've pissed me."
"Yea, yea sure," he smiled as he gently laid me back on the bed. I decided to give in and pulled his shirt over his head. He followed doing the same with mine. His hands traced down towards the elastic band on my shorts. I stopped him. His head snapped up and his face filled with concern.
"Are you okay?" he whispered. I tilted forward and kissed him. "What was that for?"
"I just realized how much you mean to me."
He smiled and rubbed my cheek with his thumb and kissed me. I stared into his eyes for a bit. Just taking everything in. I suddenly wasn't afraid of anything anymore. It's like something inside him held all the answers. I kissed him once again and pulled him back down towards the bed with me. More fabric was removed and bodies tangled as our little ritual preceded. It felt like a few days had passed when we were underneath the covers smiling at each other, but it only turned out to be 20 minutes.
"Ryan's going to be so pissed at you," I laughed.
"Nah, I'll just tell him that I hit traffic." I let out a sigh and wrapped my arms tighter around his waist. He laughed.
"What? This is my attempt at making sure that you stay here. Even if I know you have to leave soon."
"Well if it makes you feel better, you are doing an awesome job. I really don't' want to go. You know what I always wonder about?"
"Hmm?"
"Like, when we have kids and we are married and all, is it always gonna be like this?"
"Like what?"
"Constantly missing each other and working around tours and new records and producing. I mean we never really get a real break just to be with each other. It's always like two weeks before the next thing comes up."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm just saying that sometimes I wish things would have worked out differently."
"Like how?"
"I don't maybe if we hadn't gotten signed we would actually be like a normal couple."
"If you had never gotten signed then you would have never met me."
"You're right. I just wish it wasn't so fucking hard all the time."
"I used to think that too, but in a way it works for us because we won't ever get tired or bored of each other. We're always thinking about each other, and I like that. As weird as it sounds."
"You're right," he laughed," it constantly gives us something to talk about."
"Come on," I said as I retrieved my clothes and threw him his," we have places to be."
"I don't want to go," he said as he buried his face into the pillow.
Brendon's POV.
After about 20 minutes of trying to get Maddy to just come up early and bring Jade along, I decided I could go two days without her. After all, there would be more tours to come. The drive to the cabin was pretty short, only about an hour. As soon as I walked in I was quickly scolded by Ryan.
"Took you long enough to get here."
"I was driving carefully."
"Since when do you do that?"
I ignored him and continued to the studio. The members from the Cab were already here and hanging out by the soundboard.
"Sup guys," I greeted mindlessly.
"Hey," the mumbled back variously.
Maddy's POV
It was so much fun hanging out with Jade! We were acting like four year olds and jumping on the beds and flinging ice cream at each other.
"This is fucking rad!" Jade screamed.
"I know,'" i giggled," my stomach hurts from laughing so hard."
I jumped on final time and let my butt hit the mattress. Jade did the same.
"I still can't believe that you are getting married," she mused.
"I know. It's not going to be for awhile, though."
"What, do you think, made him ask?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well like what was the deciding factor. I mean why didn't he ask before?"
"Well eighteen and nineteen are pretty young ages to get married at."
"That's only a one to two year difference. It's really not that big of a deal."
"I don't know, I guess he just felt like it was the next step."
"Are you scared?"
"Not now, but I'm sure I'll be one of those psycho brides on my wedding day," I laughed.
"I don't think you will, but aren't you afraid of something happening again?"
"Not at all. I mean, for some reason I don't think he could ever do that again. I know that sounds naive, but there just something in the way that he acts that makes me believe that he's past that. I don't know if it was a phase or a rough patch, but it's over and I've moved on."
"I gotta give you credit for that."
"Nah, I'm just following my heart on this one."
"You and Brendon really do have an amazingly beautiful relationship. I'm jealous."
"You'll find somebody. Just don't even think about it. I always laugh when I think about the events that lead me to meet Brendon."
"I know! It's really weird when you think about it. Like just think what if Pete never listened to their demo, or what if you decided not to go that day."
"Right! I mean I can't even imagine what the past two years would have been like without him in my life."
"IT's eerie. All this talk is making me tired."
"You sure it wasn't skateboarding through the hotel hallways or jumping on the beds?"
"No that's all mindless, you are making me think right now."
"You started the conversation!"
"Yea, but you had to go all mushy gushy on me."
"Oh, Please!" I laughed. I stood up and crossed the room to my bed.
"It's only two o'clock, we're getting old. When we were nineteen we could stay up until at least 2:30."
"Yep, what's next? Gray hair and arthritis?"
"Just so you know."
"Whatever," I laughed," Goodnight."
She flicked off the light and I fell fast asleep.
Brendon's POV
I was in a good mood when I woke up considering that Maddy was coming up today. Jade left about an hour ago and Maddy was now on her way here with Ella. She should be here in no time. I walked into the kitchen where Spencer was sitting.
"Morning," he mumbled sleepily.
"Morning," I smiled.
"What are you so happy about?" he laughed.
"Maddy's coming up today."
"That's cool. Jon will be excited. Those two are like demon twins are something."
I let out a loud laugh as I heard the front door open.
"Hello?" She yelled into the quiet house with the dog barking louder. I ran to the front door and wrapped her in my arms.
"I missed you." I mumbled as I burrowed my head into her hair.
"I miss you, too," she smiled, pulling away and giving me a kiss," Where is everyone?"
"Sleeping."
"Not me," Spencer smiled as he walked towards the front door and gave Maddy a hug.
"Hey Spence, how are you?"
"Tired, but good."
"Come on," I smiled," I'll show you where we are sleeping, among other things."
"Ew," Spencer grimaced.
"Nice. Don't talk like that in front of the children," I joked. Brendon picked up my bags and started dragging them up the stairs. Ella followed on his heels. He turned the corner and trudged up another flight of stairs. Ella slid a bit so I picked her up and carried her up a third set of stairs.
"What are we sleeping on the roof?" I asked sarcastically.
"Nope," he said dropping the bags in a big open room," the loft."
"The Loft?" I asked as I looked around.
"Ultimate privacy," he smirked.
"Charming," I laughed.
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