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And That’s Terrible


By Lord Raa


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Disclaim-me-do: The only “intuitive” interface is the nipple. After that, it’s all learned.


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It seems that this one was popular for some reason, so here’s round two.


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The Japanese residents of the Hinata Sou were somewhat nervous about the evening meal.

Not because it was of dubious quality, as Shinobu was an excellent chef, but rather because of their honoured guests.

The younger of the two queens was talking with Kaolla, while Motoko, Kitsune and Naru were all vying for the attentions of Mary.

“So, Mary-dono, how did your marriage to the King come about?” the kendoist asked.

“It was part of a political settlement,” the eldest blonde there explained. “It was the only way to end a long running dispute.”

“I see. So, you were forced into it?” Motoko followed up.

‘An arranged marriage? They’re not normally happy marriages, especially amongst Royals…’ Naru mused. ‘So maybe it wouldn’t be so bad if we…’

“No, not really,” Mary replied happily, though she noticed the red tinge to the auburn haired girl’s cheeks. “You see, I’d seen Mamba when I was a girl and I had a crush on him. He looked so handsome in his uniform.”

“And now?” the King asked with a look of panic.

“What’s up, Mamba dear? Are you worried that I’m going to trade you in for a new model?”

“Yes.”

Everyone at the table froze as they felt the anxiety roll off Mamba Su.

The heavyset man glanced around the room before bursting into a fit of laughter that reverberated around the room.

“Had you going there, didn’t I?” he smiled broadly. “I’m not worried if the mother of my children has thoughts about whether she made the right decision or not. It’s only natural to look back at things. I mean, I still question whether or not it was a good idea to allow Kaolla to stay here without a bodyguard.”

“But I’m fine, Daddy!” the princess pouted.

“I know you are, Kaolla, but a father worries about his little girl.”

“But I’m going to be a big girl soon, look!” Kaolla declared as she lifted her shirt up.

Mamba turned to Keitaro. “And you are the man that my daughter likes. How does that make you feel, Keitaro?”

“… I… it’s a great honour, Sir. I mean it! Kaolla’s a great person who’s kind and, err, energetic and she’s always been willing to help me out. It’s not always worked out the way she intended, but you know,” the ronin replied, sweat pouring from his forehead.

“So you’re ignoring the fact that she exposed herself?”

“…. I’m trying not to focus on your daughter’s chest, Sir.”

“Why? Does my precious daughter disgust you?” Mamba demanded.

“No, not at all, but isn’t this a little weird?” Keitaro replied. “I mean, you’re asking me to leer at your daughter!”

“But Kaolla said that she liked it when you played with her,” Mary said in a confused tone. “Unless… I get it. You’re not into exhibitionism and sex in public places!”

Every Japanese person there blushed heavily.

“Not that there’s anything wrong with vanilla sex,” the older queen added reassuringly. “It’s just that when you have the same thing so often, a little…variation is nice. Things like multiple partners, toys, role play, food-based fun and public nudity.”

“M-multiple partners?” Motoko and Naru stammered in unison.

“Yes, why else would I ask Mamba to marry an additional wife?”

“Yes,” Loli nodded. “I was surprised to hear that it was Mary that asked me to be a part of the Royal Marriage rather than His Majesty, but that’s not to say that I haven’t enjoyed every day of my life since. Especially those days when we’re rutting like animals.”

Mamba let out another laugh. “I’m the luckiest man alive. I really am. But, I think that we should continue our meal. There will be plenty of time for us to discuss sex, politics and other topics later when we take a bath together.”

“What?” Motoko demanded angrily. “What do you mean taking a bath together?”

“I was told that there was a bath that was big enough for all of us. Is there a problem with it, Keitaro?”

“What? No, it’s just that it’s not a mixed bath,” Keitaro explained. When he noticed the disapproving look that he monarchs were giving him, he quickly relented. “But since this is a royal visit, I’ll make an exception and everyone who can fit in there can share the bath.”

“Thank you, Keitaro,” Mary Su smiled. “It’s much appreciated.”

The ronin blushed at the attention he received from the voluptuous queen, but Naru and Motoko were not impressed.

“He’s trying to get in her good books,” Motoko whispered to her friend.

“I know exactly what he’s trying to get into,” Naru replied, her right eye twitching.

“So, it’s decided, we’ll head off to baths after the meal. Which is excellent, by they way. Was it you, that cooked it, Shinji?” the king asked with a genuine look on his face.

“It’s Shinobu, Mamba,” Loli Su corrected. “Shinji is a boy’s name.”

“How awkward,” Mamba shrugged. “Still, a wrong name isn’t too bad in the grand scheme of things. I’m still getting used to Japanese names, after all.”


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As Shinobu cleared away the dishes, she felt rather disheartened by the fact that their guest had called her a boy’s name.

“Did Sempai ever think I was a boy?” she asked herself. “Maybe he thought I was a crossdresser?”

“Shinobu-chan, is something wrong?” Keitaro asked as he finished bringing the crockery.

“Sempai! I… you always knew I was a girl, right?” the chef asked, pleading for an answer that wouldn’t crush her already fragile ego.

“What? What do you mean? Are you talking about Kaolla’s dad? He’s just not familiar with Japanese names. He didn’t mean to upset you, Shinobu-chan,” the ronin replied reassuringly.

“But you always knew that I was a girl, right?”

“What? Of course I did, Shinobu-chan!”

“Oh, Sempai,” Shinobu sighed as she hugged her landlord.

“There, there, Shinobu-chan,” Keitaro said reassuringly. “It’ll be fine.”

The ronin blinked as he felt a second pair of arms around him. Lifting his head, he noticed that Kaolla had joined in the hug.

“Heya, Keitaro!”

Moments later, a voluptuous woman changed the very nature of the group hug simply by massaging his buttocks.

“Q-queen Mary, what are you doing?!”

“What? I need to check that you’re good enough for my daughter,” the platinum haired beauty winked. “Why, am I doing it wrong? It is kind of difficult to grope someone like this, you know.”

“Mary,” the King of Molmol called out. “Have you finished that Hug of War, or do you need more time to grope Keitaro?”

“Hang on,” the queen said as she positioned herself to rub her full breasts against Shinobu’s back as she gave Keitaro’s ass one last squeeze. “Ok, I’m done.”


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Keitaro was looking rather uncomfortable as he walked out to the outdoor baths dressed in his swimming shorts with a towel around his waist. While he would normally have liked to bathe with one or more of the people there, he was waiting for the other shoe to drop and for violence to be inflicted upon his person.

Violence that Motoko and Naru always seemed eager to dispense.

“Relax, Keitaro, you won’t be able to perform properly if you’re too tense,” Loli Su smiled.

“P-p-perform?” the ronin stammered, glad that the others were covered up with towels.

“Yes, you are planning to entertain us this evening, are you not?” the young queen asked. “Kaolla said that you’d entertain us.”

“But I don’t have any talents – I can’t play any instruments, dance, sing or tell jokes. Just what did you have in mind?” Keitaro asked, a sense of dread filling him.

“Oh, I’m sure that something entertaining will come up,” Mary winked as she walked past them to the water.

The ronin couldn’t stop his eyes from being drawn to the swaying hips of Kaolla’s mother. The situation wasn’t helped by the fact that her towel was being removed to reveal her flawless skin.

‘Her skin looks so smooth… Wait, shouldn’t she be wearing a bathing suit?’ Keitaro thought as the senior queen finally dropped the towel and stepped into the water.

“Ooh, this is nice,” Mary said as she turned to entrance. “I can see why Kaolla likes it here. Come on in, you lot, the water’s fine.”

“Ok,” Loli smiled as her towel fell unceremoniously to the floor. She wiggled her hips cheekily at Keitaro. “Come on, Keitaro, you don’t want to miss out on the fun, do you?”

“But…”

“Don’t worry, Keitaro, Kaolla will be joining us in five, four, three, two….”

“Keitaro!” a hyperactive, blonde bundle of banana fuelled energy called out a split-second before wrapping her slender legs around Keitaro’s neck.

The ronin froze as he awaited “divine justice” to be meted out. After a few moments, he realised something.

“What’s that tickling my neck?” he asked no-one in particular.

“That’s my landing strip, silly,” Kaolla answered as she rubbed Keitaro’s head.

“Landing strip?”

“Yeah, it’s how I’ve waxed.”

When it became clear that Keitaro had no idea what she meant, the princess clambered over his head.

“See, my hair’s in a thin strip. WAAAA!” she yelped when the ronin fainted with a bleeding nose.

Luckily for Kaolla, Keitaro managed to cushion her fall.

“U-RA-SHI-MA!”

Unfortunately for Keitaro, Motoko emerged and saw how the blonde girl was sitting, completely naked, on the ronin’s face.

“Oh, hello, Motoko,” Mary Su said, standing up in the bath, water dripping off her perfect breasts.

The kendoist whimpered as she wondered what it would be like snuggle up to the queen’s cleavage and get a nice restful sleep.

“Hey, are you thinking my wife’s breasts?” a deep male voice demanded from the doorway.

“No,” Motoko replied unconvincingly. She turned around to see an impressive physique on the King of Molmol.

“So you weren’t wondering what it would be like to use her bosom for a pillow and letting all your cares drift away?” Mamba Su asked, his arms folded across his muscular chest.

“Well, maybe a little…”

“It’s ok, those puppies are hard to resist. Trust me, I know,” the king smiled kindly. He moved past the still unsettled girl. “If you like her, then you need to try to get her to like you. And if she likes you, then you’re in for a treat.”

Motoko blinked as she processed those whispered words.

“Move it, Motoko-chan, I want to have a soak too,” Kitsune said as she gently nudged her friend.

“Heya Kitsune!” Kaolla waved as she finally climbed off Keitaro’s face, her feet placed either side of his head.

“Kaolla, err… how should I put this? Do you really want to stand over a man’s face like that?” the ash-blonde asked with a slight wince.

“It’s ok if it’s Keitaro,” the princess said in an exasperated tone. “I mean, it’s ok for the man you like to see you naked, isn’t it?”

Keitaro’s brain finally rebooted and sent the signals to open his eyes.

“Where are my glasses?” he asked as he reached for his forehead. After reseating his glasses he looked up to see what was casting the odd shadows over him. “Oh my…”

The Hinata Sou residents looked down to see the nasal haemorrhaging from their landlord.

“Pervert!” Motoko growled angrily.

“Keitaro, her parents are over there,” Kitsune pointed out helpfully. “You might want to keep that sort of thing to a minimum.”

“I know,” the ronin said, his voice muffled as he held his nose in an attempt to stem the blood flow.

“Mary,” Mamba said, leaning to his first wife, “is that sort of blood loss normal?”

“Sometimes, if it’s a young man seeing something naughty like a naked girl,” the busty platinum blonde answered before letting out a squeak.

“Hey Loli, you really shouldn’t put you fingers THERE!” she squeaked again. “At least, not without warning me that you’re planning on fooling around.”

“Sorry,” the slender queen smiled coyly. “I couldn’t help myself.”

“Meh,” the grey-haired man shrugged. “It’ll take more than that to entertain me.”

“Like what, Daddy?” Kaolla asked, finally moving away from Keitaro’s face. “Like that group sex thing I keep hearing about on the internet?”

Mamba stroked his beard. “Maybe, but I’m not convinced yet. Sure, you’re ready for a boyfriend, and Keitaro seems like a decent enough man, but personally, I think you should focus on the basics first.”

“Yes, Kaolla dear,” Mary nodded. “It’s not that we’re trying to deprive you of depravities, but you have to be able to walk before you can run.”

The princess pouted for a minute before grudgingly admitting that her parents were correct. “I suppose that I should practice the basics first, I mean, I haven’t even done it with another girl yet.”

“Wait a minute!” Motoko demanded. “Does that mean you’ve done it with a man?”

Keitaro could feel the kendoist scanning the immediate area for a weapon.

“I haven’t done anything like that with Kaolla!” he protested.

“He’s right,” Kaolla nodded sadly. “I keep meaning to molest him in his sleep, but Motoko doesn’t like it when I sleep with Keitaro.”

“Why ever not?” Mamba asked. “Keitaro doesn’t seem to be the most experienced of lovers, but he looks physically capable of performing. Sure, the first few times would be rubbish, but after the first week, it’d be acceptable.”

“I don’t think that Motoko is concerned about quality control issues,” Kitsune drawled. “It’s more of a moral outrage. What with Keitaro being older and our landlord. Abuse of power and all that.”

“But what good is power if it can’t be abused from time to time? I mean, my wives constantly use Royal Privilege to get to the front of queues when they’re shopping. And not every man on Molmol gets to marry two women,” the King explained. “But enough about that, let us all enjoy the hot water.”

The Japanese residents of the Inn walked around Keitaro’s supine form and stepped into the hot water, while Kaolla helped the ronin up to his feet.

“Keitaro, you’re too silly,” the blonde chided as Haruka walked up to the doorway. “When are you going to start behaving like the Lord of the Manor and use us for your entertainment?”

“…” the Urashimas looked at the princess with unblinking eyes.

“It’s a legitimate question,” Mary added from the water’s edge. “I mean, if it’s going to be your property, you should be enforcing your rules.”

“But Keitaro’s not like that,” Haruka explained.

“He’s not?” Mamba asked, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice. “Suddenly, I’m not sure that he’s suitable for my daughter. If he’s not suitable, then I need to have him killed for defiling my daughter.”

“What?” the dorm residents asked in shock.

“If he’s not man enough to take charge of a simple dormitory, then how is he supposed to help my precious Kaolla run our country?”

“But Keitaro-sempai has many other skills…” Shinobu protested. “He can take charge of me any time he wants…”

Mamba looked at the others. “You do realise that if I have to have Keitaro killed, then the rest of you will share his fate for your part in this horrible deception.”

“How do you work that out?” Kitsune demanded.

“Not one of you tried to correct me when I PUBLICLY ASSUMED that Keitaro would be a suitable husband for Kaolla,” the king explained.

“Wait, so you’re going to kill Keitaro and the rest of us unless we can prove to you that Keitaro is suitable for Kaolla?” Haruka asked.

“Yes,” Mamba nodded. “That said; I will let the chef go free, as it’s a sin to kill lolis.”

“Oh, well that’s ok then,” the smoker replied sarcastically. “But on the off chance that we’ve got better things to do tonight than die, what’re you going to accept as proof of Keitaro’s suitability as a Prince Consort or whatever he’d be if he married Kaolla?”

The monarch scratched his beard. “Well, the thing is, I’ve never been very good at this justice lark, so I’m going to leave it in Mary’s capable hands.

“Me?” the maternal, yet incredibly sexy queen asked.

“Yes, you,” Mamba smiled. “You did say that you wanted to have more impact in Kaolla’s life, so what better than deciding how to prove that her boyfriend is suitable?”

“You’ve got me there,” Mary admitted, her shrug lifting her cleavage enough to catch Motoko and Naru’s attention. “Hmm…. This is going to take some serious thought.”

An uncomfortable silence descended on the bath. At least, it was uncomfortable for the Japanese people there. The Molmolians were having a wonderful time.

“So then, Smoking Woman,” Mamba said to Haruka, “what’s your take on Keitaro getting married to my daughter?”

“I’m positively outraged that you’d suggest such a thing,” Haruka replied reflexively.

“Oh?” the monarch asked, giving his grey beard a stroke. “Why is that?”

“I… err… it’s just not right.”

“You do realise you could be condemning yourself and your friends to death?”

Haruka cast a glance at the various people relaxing in the hot water. “Well, the thing is… Keitaro has his dream of going to Toudai. And if he’s married to Kaolla, then he can’t attend, can he?”

“Interesting theory,” Mamba acknowledged. “Kaolla, would you let Keitaro attend his course at Toudai before returning to Molmol?”

“Of course, Daddy!” the princess smiled. “I wouldn’t be a good wife if I didn’t let Keitaro follow his dream, would I?”

“That’s true,” Mary said, a tear of happiness welling in her eye. “To think that you’ve matured so much during your time here; you make me so proud!”

Before Kaolla could blink, she was swept up in a loving embrace by her mother. It was something that generated a few pangs of envy in both Motoko and Naru.

Mamba smirked as he noticed the auburn haired girl shift in her spot. ‘She’d probably do anything for a night with Mary.’

“You look jealous,” Mary said to Motoko.

“I…” the kendoist blushed heavily.

“You can have a hug too,” the queen smiled as she pulled Motoko off from her perch. Mary wrapped her arms around the raven haired girl. “See, I knew you needed a hug. Anyone else want a hug? No? How about a grope? Don’t lie to me, don’t think I didn’t feel your wanton gazes all over my body.”

That offer was too much for Naru to resist and she leapt into Mary’s arms.

“Please, I need a hug,” she said in a rather unnerving voice that none of the residents had heard before. “Please nurse me, Mommy...”

“Oh, you are a cheeky thing aren’t you,” Mary smiled as Naru started to suckle on her right breast. “But if you want that sort of thing, then you’ll just have to wait for later.”

Naru wore a blush as she was gently pushed away, the redness in her cheeks putting the time Shinobu saw Keitaro emerging from the shower to shame. She could feel the disapproving gazes from her friends and was unable to look at any of them.

“I can’t believe you’d just leap at Kaolla’s mother like that,” Haruka sighed.

“Agreed,” Motoko nodded, though she was a little jealous. “It’s something more akin to Urashima’s behaviour.”

Keitaro had good reason to feel maligned, but said nothing as he took a place in the hot water. ‘Why does everyone treat me like crap?’

Seeing the look on his potential son-in-law’s face, Mamba gestured to the ronin. “Now Keitaro, you have to understand that I like you a lot and it’s not just because Kaolla wants you to be her husband. However, I can’t say that I approve of you – someone who is potential royalty – being treated like this. Luckily for you, I’ve got a solution to our potential problem.”

“W-what’s that, Sir?” the ronin asked, gulping nervously.

“A trade,” the monarch smiled. “I want your Aunt Haruka to join me and Loli Su tonight for much debauchery. If you consent to that, then Mary will assist you in disciplinary matters here at the Inn. If she was convinced that things were appropriate, everything would be fine and no-one would have to be fed to the lions.”

“But it’s not up to me,” the bespectacled Urashima whined. He turned to see the stern expression on the King’s face. “I’ll have to ask Haruka-san.”

“Be sure to mention the lions.”


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“Err, Haruka-san,” Keitaro started hesitantly, “there’s something I’d like to ask you.”

The smoker cast a glance at her nephew. “Go on.”

“The thing is, the King over there wants to borrow you for the night.”

“‘Borrow me for the night?’ And I would agree to this why?” Haruka asked, preparing to unleash righteous violence.

“Err… it’s about the thing with Kaolla’s parents and how to stop them from having to kill us all,” Keitaro blurted out, covering his head with his arms. “Please don’t hurt me, I’m only the messenger.”

“There’s more to this, so start talking before I get upset.”

“He said that if you agreed to spend the night with him and Loli Su, Mary would help me with keeping order here and if she’s happy people won’t have to be fed to the lions,” the ronin blurted out.

“I see,” Haruka drawled. As she directed a look towards the man in question, he stood up and stretched. “Oh my… And Queen Loli fits that inside her?”

“I’ve worn her like a glove puppet before,” Mary said, sneaking up on the Urashimas. “Mamba nearly wet himself with laughter at the comedy routine we put on.”

“Ah!” Keitaro squealed. “You surprised me!”

“I have plenty more surprises in store for you, Keitaro…” the queen purred in the young man’s left ear. “I know you like the way my breasts feel on your back. When the time is right, you’ll get to spend some quality time with them…”


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To be continued…?










And That's Terrible





By Lord Raa





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Disclaim-me-do: The only "intuitive" interface is the nipple. After that, it's all learned.





@@@@@





It seems that this one was popular for some reason, so here's round two.





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The Japanese residents of the Hinata Sou were somewhat nervous about the evening meal.



Not because it was of dubious quality, as Shinobu was an excellent chef, but rather because of their honoured guests.



The younger of the two queens was talking with Kaolla, while Motoko, Kitsune and Naru were all vying for the attentions of Mary.



"So, Mary-dono, how did your marriage to the King come about?" the kendoist asked.



"It was part of a political settlement," the eldest blonde there explained. "It was the only way to end a long running dispute."



"I see. So, you were forced into it?" Motoko followed up.



'An arranged marriage? They're not normally happy marriages, especially amongst Royals...' Naru mused. 'So maybe it wouldn't be so bad if we...'



"No, not really," Mary replied happily, though she noticed the red tinge to the auburn haired girl's cheeks. "You see, I'd seen Mamba when I was a girl and I had a crush on him. He looked so handsome in his uniform."



"And now?" the King asked with a look of panic.



"What's up, Mamba dear? Are you worried that I'm going to trade you in for a new model?"



"Yes."



Everyone at the table froze as they felt the anxiety roll off Mamba Su.



The heavyset man glanced around the room before bursting into a fit of laughter that reverberated around the room.



"Had you going there, didn't I?" he smiled broadly. "I'm not worried if the mother of my children has thoughts about whether she made the right decision or not. It's only natural to look back at things. I mean, Istill question whether or not it was a good idea to allow Kaolla to stay here without a bodyguard."



"But I'm fine, Daddy!" the princess pouted.



"I know you are, Kaolla, but a father worries about his little girl."



"But I'm going to be a big girl soon, look!" Kaolla declared as she lifted her shirt up.



Mamba turned to Keitaro. "And you are the man that my daughter likes. How does that make you feel, Keitaro?"



"... I... it's a great honour, Sir. I mean it! Kaolla's a great person who's kind and, err, energetic and she's always been willing to help me out. It's not always worked out the way she intended, but you know," the ronin replied, sweat pouring from his forehead.



"So you're ignoring the fact that she exposed herself?"



".... I'm trying not to focus on your daughter's chest, Sir."



"Why? Does my precious daughter disgust you?" Mamba demanded.



"No, not at all, but isn't this a little weird?" Keitaro replied. "I mean, you're asking me to leer at your daughter!"



"But Kaolla said that she liked it when you played with her," Mary said in a confused tone. "Unless... I get it. You're not into exhibitionism and sex in public places!"



Every Japanese person there blushed heavily.



"Not that there's anything wrong with vanilla sex," the older queen added reassuringly. "It's just that when you have the same thing so often, a little...variation is nice. Things like multiple partners, toys, role play, food-based fun and public nudity."



"M-multiple partners?" Motoko and Naru stammered in unison.



"Yes, why else would I ask Mamba to marry an additional wife?"



"Yes," Loli nodded. "I was surprised to hear that it was Mary that asked me to be a part of the Royal Marriage rather than His Majesty, but that's not to say that I haven't enjoyed every day of my life since. Especially those days when we're rutting like animals."



Mamba let out another laugh. "I'm the luckiest man alive. Ireally am. But, I think that we should continue our meal. There will be plenty of time for us to discuss sex, politics and other topics later when we take abath together."



"What?" Motoko demanded angrily. "What do you mean taking abath together?"



"I was told that there was a bath that was big enough for all of us. Is there a problem with it, Keitaro?"



"What? No, it's just that it's not a mixed bath," Keitaro explained. When he noticed the disapproving look that he monarchs were giving him, he quickly relented. "But since this is a royal visit, I'll make an exception and everyone who can fit in there can share the bath."



"Thank you, Keitaro," Mary Su smiled. "It's much appreciated."



The ronin blushed at the attention he received from the voluptuous queen, but Naru and Motoko were not impressed.



"He's trying to get in her good books," Motoko whispered to her friend.



"I know exactly what he's trying to get into," Naru replied, her right eye twitching.



"So, it's decided, we'll head off to baths after the meal. Which is excellent, by they way. Was it you, that cooked it, Shinji?" the king asked with a genuine look on his face.



"It's Shinobu, Mamba," Loli Su corrected. "Shinji is a boy's name."



"How awkward," Mamba shrugged. "Still, a wrong name isn't too bad in the grand scheme of things. I'm still getting used to Japanese names, after all."





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As Shinobu cleared away the dishes, she felt rather disheartened by the fact that their guest had called her a boy's name.



"Did Sempai ever think I was a boy?" she asked herself."Maybe he thought I was a crossdresser?"



"Shinobu-chan, is something wrong?" Keitaro asked as he finished bringing the crockery.



"Sempai! I... you always knew I was a girl, right?" the chef asked, pleading for an answer that wouldn't crush her already fragile ego.



"What? What do you mean? Are you talking about Kaolla's dad?He's just not familiar with Japanese names. He didn't mean to upset you, Shinobu-chan," the ronin replied reassuringly.



"But you always knew that I was a girl, right?"



"What? Of course I did, Shinobu-chan!"



"Oh, Sempai," Shinobu sighed as she hugged her landlord.



"There, there, Shinobu-chan," Keitaro said reassuringly."It'll be fine."



The ronin blinked as he felt a second pair of arms around him. Lifting his head, he noticed that Kaolla had joined in the hug.



"Heya, Keitaro!"



Moments later, a voluptuous woman changed the very nature of the group hug simply by massaging his buttocks.



"Q-queen Mary, what are you doing?!"



"What? I need to check that you're good enough for my daughter," the platinum haired beauty winked. "Why, am I doing it wrong? It is kind of difficult to grope someone like this, you know."



"Mary," the King of Molmol called out. "Have you finished that Hug of War, or do you need more time to grope Keitaro?"



"Hang on," the queen said as she positioned herself to rub her full breasts against Shinobu's back as she gave Keitaro's ass one last squeeze. "Ok, I'm done."





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Keitaro was looking rather uncomfortable as he walked out to the outdoor baths dressed in his swimming shorts with a towel around his waist. While he would normally have liked to bathe with one or more of the people there, he was waiting for the other shoe to drop and for violence to be inflicted upon his person.



Violence that Motoko and Naru always seemed eager to dispense.



"Relax, Keitaro, you won't be able to perform properly if you're too tense," Loli Su smiled.



"P-p-perform?" the ronin stammered, glad that the others were covered up with towels.



"Yes, you are planning to entertain us this evening, are you not?" the young queen asked. "Kaolla said that you'd entertain us."



"But I don't have any talents - I can't play any instruments, dance, sing or tell jokes. Just what did you have in mind?"Keitaro asked, a sense of dread filling him.



"Oh, I'm sure that something entertaining will come up,"Mary winked as she walked past them to the water.



The ronin couldn't stop his eyes from being drawn to the swaying hips of Kaolla's mother. The situation wasn't helped by the fact that her towel was being removed to reveal her flawless skin.



'Her skin looks so smooth... Wait, shouldn't she be wearing abathing suit?' Keitaro thought as the senior queen finally dropped the towel and stepped into the water.



"Ooh, this is nice," Mary said as she turned to entrance. "I can see why Kaolla likes it here. Come on in, you lot, the water's fine."



"Ok," Loli smiled as her towel fell unceremoniously to the floor. She wiggled her hips cheekily at Keitaro. "Come on, Keitaro, you don't want to miss out on the fun, do you?"



"But..."



"Don't worry, Keitaro, Kaolla will be joining us in five, four, three, two...."



"Keitaro!" a hyperactive, blonde bundle of banana fuelled energy called out a split-second before wrapping her slender legs around Keitaro's neck.



The ronin froze as he awaited "divine justice" to be meted out. After a few moments, he realised something.



"What's that tickling my neck?" he asked no-one in particular.



"That's my landing strip, silly," Kaolla answered as she rubbed Keitaro's head.



"Landing strip?"



"Yeah, it's how I've waxed."



When it became clear that Keitaro had no idea what she meant, the princess clambered over his head.



"See, my hair's in a thin strip. WAAAA!" she yelped when the ronin fainted with a bleeding nose.



Luckily for Kaolla, Keitaro managed to cushion her fall.



"U-RA-SHI-MA!"



Unfortunately for Keitaro, Motoko emerged and saw how the blonde girl was sitting, completely naked, on the ronin's face.



"Oh, hello, Motoko," Mary Su said, standing up in the bath, water dripping off her perfect breasts.



The kendoist whimpered as she wondered what it would be like snuggle up to the queen's cleavage and get a nice restful sleep.



"Hey, are you thinking my wife's breasts?" a deep male voice demanded from the doorway.



"No," Motoko replied unconvincingly. She turned around to see an impressive physique on the King of Molmol.



"So you weren't wondering what it would be like to use her bosom for a pillow and letting all your cares drift away?" Mamba Su asked, his arms folded across his muscular chest.



"Well, maybe a little..."



"It's ok, those puppies are hard to resist. Trust me, Iknow," the king smiled kindly. He moved past the still unsettled girl. "If you like her, then you need to try to get her to like you. And if she likes you, then you're in for a treat."



Motoko blinked as she processed those whispered words.



"Move it, Motoko-chan, I want to have a soak too," Kitsune said as she gently nudged her friend.



"Heya Kitsune!" Kaolla waved as she finally climbed off Keitaro's face, her feet placed either side of his head.



"Kaolla, err... how should I put this? Do you really want to stand over a man's face like that?" the ash-blonde asked with a slight wince.



"It's ok if it's Keitaro," the princess said in an exasperated tone. "I mean, it's ok for the man you like to see you naked, isn't it?"



Keitaro's brain finally rebooted and sent the signals to open his eyes.



"Where are my glasses?" he asked as he reached for his forehead. After reseating his glasses he looked up to see what was casting the odd shadows over him. "Oh my..."



The Hinata Sou residents looked down to see the nasal haemorrhaging from their landlord.



"Pervert!" Motoko growled angrily.



"Keitaro, her parents are over there," Kitsune pointed out helpfully. "You might want to keep that sort of thing to a minimum."



"I know," the ronin said, his voice muffled as he held his nose in an attempt to stem the blood flow.



"Mary," Mamba said, leaning to his first wife, "is that sort of blood loss normal?"



"Sometimes, if it's a young man seeing something naughty like a naked girl," the busty platinum blonde answered before letting out asqueak.



"Hey Loli, you really shouldn't put you fingers THERE!" she squeaked again. "At least, not without warning me that you're planning on fooling around."



"Sorry," the slender queen smiled coyly. "I couldn't help myself."



"Meh," the grey-haired man shrugged. "It'll take more than that to entertain me."



"Like what, Daddy?" Kaolla asked, finally moving away from Keitaro's face. "Like that group sex thing I keep hearing about on the internet?"



Mamba stroked his beard. "Maybe, but I'm not convinced yet. Sure, you're ready for a boyfriend, and Keitaro seems like a decent enough man, but personally, I think you should focus on the basics first."



"Yes, Kaolla dear," Mary nodded. "It's not that we're trying to deprive you of depravities, but you have to be able to walk before you can run."



The princess pouted for a minute before grudgingly admitting that her parents were correct. "I suppose that I should practice the basics first, I mean, I haven't even done it with another girl yet."



"Wait a minute!" Motoko demanded. "Does that mean you've done it with a man?"



Keitaro could feel the kendoist scanning the immediate area for a weapon.



"I haven't done anything like that with Kaolla!" he protested.



"He's right," Kaolla nodded sadly. "I keep meaning to molest him in his sleep, but Motoko doesn't like it when I sleep with Keitaro."



"Why ever not?" Mamba asked. "Keitaro doesn't seem to be the most experienced of lovers, but he looks physically capable of performing. Sure, the first few times would be rubbish, but after the first week, it'd be acceptable."



"I don't think that Motoko is concerned about quality control issues," Kitsune drawled. "It's more of a moral outrage. What with Keitaro being older and our landlord. Abuse of power and all that."



"But what good is power if it can't be abused from time to time? I mean, my wives constantly use Royal Privilege to get to the front of queues when they're shopping. And not every man on Molmol gets to marry two women," the King explained. "But enough about that, let us all enjoy the hot water."



The Japanese residents of the Inn walked around Keitaro's supine form and stepped into the hot water, while Kaolla helped the ronin up to his feet.



"Keitaro, you're too silly," the blonde chided as Haruka walked up to the doorway. "When are you going to start behaving like the Lord of the Manor and use us for your entertainment?"



"..." the Urashimas looked at the princess with unblinking eyes.



"It's a legitimate question," Mary added from the water's edge. "I mean, if it's going to be your property, you should be enforcing your rules."



"But Keitaro's not like that," Haruka explained.



"He's not?" Mamba asked, unable to hide the disappointment in his voice. "Suddenly, I'm not sure that he's suitable for my daughter. If he's not suitable, then I need to have him killed for defiling my daughter."



"What?" the dorm residents asked in shock.



"If he's not man enough to take charge of a simple dormitory, then how is he supposed to help my precious Kaolla run our country?"



"But Keitaro-sempai has many other skills..." Shinobu protested."He can take charge of me any time he wants..."



Mamba looked at the others. "You do realise that if I have to have Keitaro killed, then the rest of you will share his fate for your part in this horrible deception."



"How do you work that out?" Kitsune demanded.



"Not one of you tried to correct me when I publicly assumed that Keitaro would be a suitable husband for Kaolla," the king explained.



"Wait, so you're going to kill Keitaro and the rest of us unless we can prove to you that Keitaro is suitable for Kaolla?" Haruka asked.



"Yes," Mamba nodded. "That said; I will let the chef go free, as it's a sin to kill lolis."



"Oh, well that's ok then," the smoker replied sarcastically."But on the off chance that we've got better things to do tonight than die, what're you going to accept as proof of Keitaro's suitability as a Prince Consort or whatever he'd be if he married Kaolla?"



The monarch scratched his beard. "Well, the thing is, I've never been very good at this justice lark, so I'm going to leave it in Mary's capable hands.



"Me?" the maternal, yet incredibly sexy queen asked.



"Yes, you," Mamba smiled. "You did say that you wanted to have more impact in Kaolla's life, so what better than deciding how to prove that her boyfriend is suitable?"



"You've got me there," Mary admitted, her shrug lifting her cleavage enough to catch Motoko and Naru's attention. "Hmm.... This is going to take some serious thought."



An uncomfortable silence descended on the bath. At least, it was uncomfortable for the Japanese people there. The Molmolians were having awonderful time.



"So then, Smoking Woman," Mamba said to Haruka, "what's your take on Keitaro getting married to my daughter?"



"I'm positively outraged that you'd suggest such a thing,"Haruka replied reflexively.



"Oh?" the monarch asked, giving his grey beard a stroke."Why is that?"



"I... err... it's just not right."



"You do realise you could be condemning yourself and your friends to death?"



Haruka cast a glance at the various people relaxing in the hot water. "Well, the thing is... Keitaro has his dream of going to Toudai. And if he's married to Kaolla, then he can't attend, can he?"



"Interesting theory," Mamba acknowledged. "Kaolla, would you let Keitaro attend his course at Toudai before returning to Molmol?"



"Of course, Daddy!" the princess smiled. "I wouldn't be agood wife if I didn't let Keitaro follow his dream, would I?"



"That's true," Mary said, a tear of happiness welling in her eye. "To think that you've matured so much during your time here; you make me so proud!"



Before Kaolla could blink, she was swept up in a loving embrace by her mother. It was something that generated a few pangs of envy in both Motoko and Naru.



Mamba smirked as he noticed the auburn haired girl shift in her spot. 'She'd probably do anything for a night with Mary.'



"You look jealous," Mary said to Motoko.



"I..." the kendoist blushed heavily.



"You can have a hug too," the queen smiled as she pulled Motoko off from her perch. Mary wrapped her arms around the raven haired girl."See, I knew you needed a hug. Anyone else want a hug? No? How about a grope?Don't lie to me, don't think I didn't feel your wanton gazes all over my body."



That offer was too much for Naru to resist and she leapt into Mary's arms.



"Please, I need a hug," she said in a rather unnerving voice that none of the residents had heard before. "Please nurse me, Mommy..."



"Oh, you are a cheeky thing aren't you," Mary smiled as Naru started to suckle on her right breast. "But if you want that sort of thing, then you'll just have to wait for later."



Naru wore a blush as she was gently pushed away, the redness in her cheeks putting the time Shinobu saw Keitaro emerging from the shower to shame. She could feel the disapproving gazes from her friends and was unable to look at any of them.



"I can't believe you'd just leap at Kaolla's mother like that," Haruka sighed.



"Agreed," Motoko nodded, though she was a little jealous."It's something more akin to Urashima's behaviour."



Keitaro had good reason to feel maligned, but said nothing as he took a place in the hot water. 'Why does everyone treat me like crap?'



Seeing the look on his potential son-in-law's face, Mamba gestured to the ronin. "Now Keitaro, you have to understand that I like you alot and it's not just because Kaolla wants you to be her husband. However, Ican't say that I approve of you - someone who is potential royalty - being treated like this. Luckily for you, I've got a solution to our potential problem."



"W-what's that, Sir?" the ronin asked, gulping nervously.



"A trade," the monarch smiled. "I want your Aunt Haruka to join me and Loli Su tonight for much debauchery. If you consent to that, then Mary will assist you in disciplinary matters here at the Inn. If she was convinced that things were appropriate, everything would be fine and no-one would have to be fed to the lions."



"But it's not up to me," the bespectacled Urashima whined. He turned to see the stern expression on the King's face. "I'll have to ask Haruka-san."



"Be sure to mention the lions."





@@@@@





"Err, Haruka-san," Keitaro started hesitantly, "there's something I'd like to ask you."



The smoker cast a glance at her nephew. "Go on."



"The thing is, the King over there wants to borrow you for the night."



"'Borrow me for the night?' And I would agree to this why?"Haruka asked, preparing to unleash righteous violence.



"Err... it's about the thing with Kaolla's parents and how to stop them from having to kill us all," Keitaro blurted out, covering his head with his arms. "Please don't hurt me, I'm only the messenger."



"There's more to this, so start talking before I get upset."



"He said that if you agreed to spend the night with him and Loli Su, Mary would help me with keeping order here and if she's happy people won't have to be fed to the lions," the ronin blurted out.



"I see," Haruka drawled. As she directed a look towards the man in question, he stood up and stretched. "Oh my... And Queen Loli fits that inside her?"



"I've worn her like a glove puppet before," Mary said, sneaking up on the Urashimas. "Mamba nearly wet himself with laughter at the comedy routine we put on."



"Ah!" Keitaro squealed. "You surprised me!"



"I have plenty more surprises in store for you, Keitaro..."the queen purred in the young man's left ear. "I know you like the way my breasts feel on your back. When the time is right, you'll get to spend some quality time with them..."





@@@@@





To be continued...?