FicWad

A/N: This story will be somewhat of a crossover. It'll cover ideas and theories from nearly every Sci-fi show, book, and movie that's actually worth reading, or watching. I mostly won't be using actual characters or plot aspects in this, so Captain Kirk isn't likely to be beaming Harry onto the Enterprise. But, then again, this is incredibly random, so I suppose it's possible.

Also, this story is primarily Comedy. Only this isn't normal humor. This is like Monty Python, Douglas Adams, and Red Dwarf type stuff, so some of you might not get a lot of the jokes here.

Disclaimer, to all who care: I have gone by many names and titles in my life, and I've forgotten most of them... but I'm pretty sure J. K. Rowling was never one of them...


Sometimes you'll picture me, but I'm walking to far ahead.
You're calling to me. I can't hear what you've said.
Then you'll say go slow,
And I fall behind.
As the second hand unwinds...
- Cindy Lauper, "Time after Time"

Forward

Time is infinite... As is space. That is what most self-respecting scientists and astrophysicists will tell you. The truth of the matter is that most self-respecting scientists and astrophysicists can't be bothered to research enough to find out what's really going on, and the rest just can't seem to find a way to wrap their heads around the truth.

Infinity is impossible. Everything that has a beginning has to have an end. Everything that has an end has to have a beginning. Everything that is has both a beginning and an end. Simple.

However, if you told a self proclaimed 'Science Buff' this, he or she would most likely scoff, and deliver some variant of, "So you think there's an end to space and time do you? Okay, so if you're right, then what's at the end, a gigantic brick wall?" only using larger words so as to sound more impressive.

This whole idea of an enormous slab of masonry being the end of all things is not only completely ludicros, but also, of course, entirely impossible. So what's at the end, you ask?

Nothing.

Everything.

Just who the hell cares anyway?

Why would you ask me? I'm only human, just like you. The point of this is not to tell you what the end is. That is impossible. The human mind is so amazingly small and primitive that even the smartest of our species, all of our Einstein's and Socrates' put together wouldn't be able to answer that question. I'm just here to tell you what's in the middle.

Imagine a bed sheet lying out perfectly flat on the ground. This sheet represents Life, the Universe, Everything. As you could imagine, everything is in perfect order, right? Well that's the problem... Time and Space are curved. Or completely and utterly warped, which is much more likely.

Now imagine taking that same sheet and hanging it in half over a clothes line. A point on one side of the sheet comes into contact with a point on the other side. Now Time and Space are completely buggered up. Time-warps, worm-holes, spatial anomalies, distortions in the Space-Time Continuum, whatever official-sounding terms you decide to give them, are formed this way. The disappearances near the Bermuda Triangle, missing airliners, luggage, car keys, wallets, cheap ballpoint pens, and the nose of the Sphinx are all possible victims of this.

Imagine occupying a 767 that is flying across the Atlantic Ocean. You look out you're window and notice a cloud overhead that looks a bit like a Bic lighter, complete with flame. You drift away, thinking about how amazing it would look if it was directly over an outdoor arena, filled with people, with the Beatles up on the stage playing "Let It Be."

When you turn back to look at the cloud, you notice that it's not there anymore, neither is the water that should be stretching out below the plane, seemingly for eternity, (again, impossible.) In fact, nearly everything is gone, except for a total black void, and a few thousand pinpricks of light off in the distance. Space. You now have roughly one third of a millisecond to come to terms with death, have your life flash before your eyes, and regret wasting all that time spent doing boring stuff like work, chores and visiting your in-laws, before the 767 explodes due to a lack of external pressure.

Contrary to popular belief, things like this happen all the time.

This is where things become strange...

Let's look at time for a minute. Now if there were just one unmovable rip in the fabric of time, one gigantic rip that could not only stretch trillions upon trillions of years but could also fit the whole stream of time itself through it, it would be fair to guess that time would just keep on repeating itself, spinning around in a circle, possibly for eternity. Time itself is not eternal, it had its beginning, so it will have its end, however, with this theory in mind, time could potentially last forever. Unfortunately it's not that simple.

Now take a look at that sheet again. You see all the different contact points, because of course there's more than one now, unmoving, completely stationary. At this point a small breeze starts to blow, the leaves of trees are moving, and the contact points on the sheet are changing. At any moment an entire galaxy might be thrown 20 billion years into the past, or maybe only part of a galaxy. Maybe a small planet gets hurled 10 million years into the future, when the sun it's orbiting has been gone for the past 100 thousand years, leaving the inhabitants to freeze to death almost instantly.

Now, as if that isn't bad enough, imagine Time and Space working at the same time. Remember the plane from earlier?

One minute, the earth is moving along normally, and the next, its thrown strait into a black hole, which, last we knew, was Sirius, the Dog Star.

This changes things, doesn't it?

After all, the only constant is change, right?

Just one more thing. If Time and Spatial integrity mean so little, then perhaps separate universes actually do exist. Perhaps these universes exist, not in another demention or plane of existence, but here, universes that constantly change places, universes that disappear and reappear with a slight breeze.

Is it likely that one minute you are a small boy sitting outside of a flat in Scotland, and then universal history changes, and the next minute you are a man named Ix, and from a small planet somewhere in the vicinity of Betelgeuse? Not likely. But possible?

Remember all those times the word 'impossible' was used?

Bugger that. Nothing is impossible.

Okay, so what was the point of all that, you ask?

There wasn't one.

Or maybe there was?

Just who the hell cares anyway?



100 points go to anyone who figures out which 3 books I'm using ideas from for this chapter. One of them was also a movie, and another is about to be.