Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > Gerard Way's Diary

Chapter Eleven: October - Match date.

by padfoot_001 11 reviews

October: A new acceptance, happy at last, where did the happy go? Spiders and tattooed chests, we don't even like football and Mighty Gerard!

Category: My Chemical Romance - Rating: R - Genres:  - Characters: Frank Iero,Gerard Way,Mikey Way - Published: 2008-09-09 - Updated: 2008-09-09 - 12777 words - Complete

Disclaimer: Don't own My Chem, but the story line is all mine baby. Don't own any quotes you recognise, don't own Celine Dion and don't own Titanic.

WARNINGS:Don't drink this much, don't smoke this much ... ever! Violence, swearing, spiders and sexy boys. That is all.

To my reviewers: I make up words, I'm sorry if it gets annoying to read. You all understand and put up with my madness though and I love you for it. Now and forever :)

[Chapter eleven: October – Match Date.]

Sunday, October 1st

82 kg (I managed to keep it stable - boo ya!), 0 alcohol (ahhhhhhhhhhhh!), 900 cigarettes (no alcohol, evened it out), 0 joints (eep!).

4 p.m. I officially have no life this weekend. Last night, a perfectly good Saturday, was wasted moping around my bedroom once again.

Worst part was, I drank all my vodka on Friday night, so there was none of that left and I was too lazy to get my ass up off my bed and down to the bottle shop to get some more.

Weirdest part was, as I sat there watching Silent Hill, far too sober for my liking, I found myself absent mindedly staring at my door, hoping that at any moment there would be a knock and Frank would be standing there saying something like: "Oh, Silent Hill, love that movie to. Can I join you?"

As it just so happened, he didn't.

I'm so stupid to think he would. I mean, the guy could have beaten the world record for the hundred meter sprint when he tried to make a bolt on Friday night. Still, he was the one that came in here to see me, so why was he so reluctant to stay?

Weird guy. Weird, weird, weird fucking guy.

Tuesday, October 3rd

82 kg, 8 beers (very good, oh yeah!), 20 cigarettes (OMG, how the hell, well done, I'm going to celebrate with more cigarettes), 1 joint.

Late Night. College: My room. Here I was, my whole life, thinking that no one could get any stranger then me.

I liked to avoid sunlight because I hated getting tans. I liked to keep my hair long and girly just because I liked the way it gently blew around in the breeze. I liked reading comic books and watching horror movies where people got eaten or brutally murdered. To me, it was so beautiful it brought a tear to my eye.

I would lock myself away in the pitch black basement of my parent’s house for days on end, just drinking, smoking and making up twisted, imaginary characters in my head which I would then proceed to draw for my own enjoyment.

Fucking strange, right?

Yeah, that's what I thought. That was until the day that I came to college and met Frank Iero.

Sure, he seems normal and all, but I've come to realise that there is something seriously fucking wrong with him!

He walked into my room. He knocked on my fucking door. He asked to sit down and watch the movie with me. He asked me if I meant what I said about him being good looking. He showed me his fucking pink belt! Nowhere in that equation does it state that I, Gerard way, asked him to do any of that.

Yes, I know I was the one that asked him to stay, but I was drunk and lonely and, forgive me, for getting the impression that he was there to keep me company and make me feel less shitty!

So, why the hell is he fucking avoiding me?

Yesterday I made my way down to breakfast and lined up to get some bacon and eggs, right behind me, in the exact same line, practically standing on my heals, was Frank.

He just stared at his plate not looking at me, not acknowledging that he had even noticed me standing directly in front of him. And, it's not like he wouldn't be able to notice me. I mean, I wear so much black that in the end, even though I wear it to disappear and blend in, it just makes me fucking stand out even more. As the guy who wears nothing but black. Ironic right?

Now, I know, I could have said something to him, but it was just so strange that it threw me off. What was his deal?

Then, I passed him on my way to class, nothing again. And I know he saw me that time, because we locked eyes for about a mere second before he inspected his shoes and walked straight on by as though I wasn't there.

And then today! Today was the strangest of them all.

I went to the library, this time to actually look for a book (I know, crazy right?), and as I turned the corner to enter into the next row book shelves, I wasn't paying attention and I bumped right into the person that had just been standing there reading.

Of course, it was Frank. And you think he'd have a hard time ignoring me this time as I practically fell into his lap, but no, not dear old Frank.

He hastily shoved the book back onto the shelf, staring at me in wide eyed shock before quickly turning around and taking off at a hasty walk.

I don't understand! What did I do?

Thursday, October 5th

Have decided that I'm just going to be grown up about this whole 'Iero' issue I find myself with. And yes, that would normally mean I would ignore him and just pretend that we were still, once again, enemies; but that wasn't what I wanted to do this time around.

For some reason, the fact that Frank was ignoring me bothered the living shit out of me!

I didn't want to be ignored by him. I didn't want to just forget about the fact that he could quite possibly be a friend. Yet, what sort of a friend would just fucking ignore you like this?

There is only one thing I can do, only one thing I want to do and that's, miraculously, talk to Frank and ask him what the fuck is going through that stupid little head of his.

So, now all I have to do is catch him at a moment where he's actually on his own. Because every time I see him he's hanging with that stupid little bimbo girl friend of his. Or, even worse, with Chris and his other stupid football playing friends.

5 p.m. OMG! Does this guy ever leave his fucking friends?

Saturday, October 7th

83 kg (slowly but surely its coming back - no!), 12 beers (maybe I do have a drinking problem, I dunno), 22 cigarettes (is a miracle, maybe I don't have a drinking problem after all, I mean, I'm clearly smoking less), 0 joints (see, no problem).

10 p.m. College: My room. Finally my brother decides to show his head again. So I actually do have one huh?

I was seriously beginning to think I had imagined him. I even had to ask my mum if Mikey was real the other day when she called to see if I had quit drinking yet, she rang up often to ask me this, especially after the little event in the basement last month which led to my hospitalization.

Naturally the very question of, "ummm, Mum, is Mikey real," led her to believe that I was in fact drunk at that very moment.

"Honestly Gerard, you really should stop drinking and don't even get me started on your terrible smoking habits. You're never going to learn. What am I going to do with you? I worry you know? How's Amy going?"

She can be so oblivious sometimes. I told her ages ago that Amy and I had split up, I still think she has this image in her head of us happily married. Ba-hum-bug.

So anyway, I woke up earlyish for a Saturday ... Okay, it was almost lunch time, but that's early for me. Anyway, I was seriously surprised to open my door and find Mikey standing there waving at me.

"Mikes, you're here? I didn't think you were coming this weekend!"

"I've been here for ages Gee."

The thing is, he actually looked dead serious, even though he knew I wouldn't wake up till late. So what the hell was he doing here that early? I asked if he had been hanging with Ben as it seemed the only logical thing he would be doing, Mikey just nodded and said, "Yeah, I was doing something like that." What the fuck is that supposed to mean?

"So, what's been happening big bro?"

I ignored my brothers mysterious arrival by ushering him into my room and hurriedly answering his question, telling him all about Frank and his little visit to my room and then how he just pretended like he didn't even know me afterwards.

"What's weird though Mikes is that he just came into my room at exactly the right time. I have no idea how he knew I was upset, but somehow, he just seemed to know. It's odd."

Mikey was silent.

I was suspicious.

"Gee ... um - I told him to check up on you."

"WHAT? You did? When? How? Why?"

"I asked him that night. You were texting me all night and then your messages suddenly got shorter and shorter and then they just stopped all together. I just freaked out, so I asked him to check up on you for me."

"I-It was you? You did it? But ... w-wait, how did you get his number?"

I gave Mikey a suspicious glare and he just gave me an extremely odd look before lifting a hand and slapping my arm so hard and so out of the blue that it took a while for the pain to get through to my head.

"OUCH! ... Mikey! What the fuck was that for?"

"Gee you fucking dumb assed retard! You seriously haven't figured it all out yet?"

"Figured what out? Fuck Mikey, that fucking hurt!"

"Well you deserve it for being such a moron!"

What the hell wasn't I getting? I just stared at Mikey angrily wondering if I should hit him back. It was tempting, but I was too busy trying to get out of him what his bloody problem was.

"Stop giving me that look and just explain to me what I'm supposed to be getting."

"Forget it Gee, if you're too stupid to figure it out already then I'm not helping you. Don't bring me down to your level of stupidity. You can just live in your little ignorant world on your own."

I tried, believe me I tried, but Mikey didn't cave in. I swear that boy can be such a tease ... and just so fucking stubborn.

How did he get so much self control?

Anyway, I questioned him until mum came to pick him up. I was torn between hatred at the fact that he still showed no signs of caving in and telling me, and love at the fact my brother had given up his Sunday by swearing to study if Mum would let him come and visit me today.

Sure, it was only one day, but I was glad that he sacrificed his Sunday for me.


Thursday, October 12th

All thoughts of Frank and Mikey and everyone else in the world have been completely knocked out of my over flowing brain. When I went to class this morning, Mr. Barry announced that we had to hand in an art work by Monday!

Now, to everyone else in the class this didn't come as a shock, they just nodded and spoke to the person next to them about what they were planning to hand in. Me, I had fucking nothing!

I had been away from school for a week when my grandmother died and had not only missed this news but had missed precious time to finish the painting I was working on. I'm really starting to regret all those classes I just decided not to attend because I was in a bad mood. I have nothing to hand in and I now only have tomorrows lesson to pull something out of my ass!

The problem with art at college is that all supplies and art works are kept under lock and key in the art storage room over the weekend. Which means I'm going to fucking fail! I'll never finish it all in one day!

What am I going to do? I can't fail! It's all I have left.

Friday, October 13th

82 kg (weird, so weird), 12 beers (whatever!), 2 cigarettes (OMG! I don't know, it was weird, don't ask), 0 joints (not by choice).

8 p.m. College: On top of the moon. Finally, the unprofessional, unacceptable and socially frowned upon love that Mr. Barry has for me has paid off!

By the time class ended today I had the best painting to hand in on Monday. It's a cartoon-style painting of two lovers, covered in blood. Sinister and yet poetic, it was perfect. Only problem was, I'm a perfectionist and by the time I decided on the painting and did some work on it, class had finished!

It was due on Monday! I had to finish it!

So, I did the only thing I could think of, I waited till everyone left the room, took a deep breath and approached Mr. Barry.

When Mr. Barry looked up and saw me standing there looking beyond awkward, it was safe to say he looked completely fucking confused!

"Mr. Way ... what are you still doing here? Class has ended."

Most teachers I knew would be happy that a student was hanging behind to discuss something with them. It would make them feel important, but not Mr. Barry. Since the day he tried to unsuccessfully seduce me he had been extremely suspicious if I so much as raised my hand in class. Maybe he thinks I'm going to confront him or something. Doesn't he know I'm gutless?

Anyway, I did the best hair flick I could do, then remembered I didn't have any fucking hair left, before stepping a little bit closer to him and laying down my proposition.

"Look, I know that we're supposed to have the artwork for Monday finished today, but the thing is, I missed class for a week because of family problems and well, I was hoping I could have access to the art room over the weekend ... I swear I wont let anyone know and I wont let anyone else use it with me ... I just really don't want to fail."

Mr. Barry sighed half way through my speech and I braced myself for the inevitable hysterical laughter that I knew would soon be following my words. But it never came and when I finally got the courage to look up at my teacher, I was surprised to see that he was genuinely thinking about what I'd asked.

"You know Gerard; I can get into a lot of trouble for this sort of thing. Those artworks mean a lot to my students and they trust me to keep them safe. If anything happens to them I'm held solely responsible. Not to mention the cost of the art equipment in the storage room. This is a big ask Gerard."

I swear to god, by that point, I didn't know if he was going to make me get on my knees and beg, or read him a story in French whilst giving him a foot massage and weighting on him hand and foot. If it came to that, it would probably just be easier to let him have sex with me instead. I couldn't speak French!

"Alright ... I understand. But hey, it was worth a try," I said, my final words before turning away. I was shocked though when a hand landed on my shoulder and spun me around.

"Wait! I haven't given you an answer yet. Alright ... But I'm warning you Gerard, I'm trusting you. Use the art room tomorrow and tomorrow only. Then you'll have to put the keys back into my pigeon hole, I'm coming back here on Sunday and they'd better be there. Understand?"

I couldn't believe and I still can't believe that he actually said yes!

"Y-you serious?"

Mr. Barry just smiled and shook his head at my doubting tone. Then, he reached into his pocket, pulled out his keys and took two of them off.

"This one's for the art room, this one's for the storage room."

With that we walked out side together so he could lock up the room and then he grabbed one of my hands and placed the keys into it. I couldn't help but notice his hand linger a little longer then was necessary as he handed me the keys.

"Err, thanks," I said stupidly, quickly tugging my hand out of his grip.

"Just remember, in my pigeon hole by Sunday morning at the latest."

With that, he smiled again and I realised that I'm never going to be able to live this one down. And as he turned and walked away something made me think that this was going to come around and bite me in the ass eventually.

Sunday, October 15th

81 kg (woah! not complaining, but, should I be?), 12 beers (needed every single one, yet I was still too sober to deal with last nights proceedings), 5 cigarettes (have died, so crazy), 2 joints (was so fucking necessary it was insane).

9 a.m. College: My room. I'm speechless; I don't know what to write. Once again I find myself strangely numb. It's as though life has thrown me that final unsolvable puzzle and my brain has just decided to shut down rather then try and decipher it.

Now, I'll admit, I was stupid and foolish enough to believe that everything was going to be a-okay on Saturday. I mean, I had convinced the head Nazi of college teachers to hand over the keys to his most prized and most expensive possession; the art classroom and the art storage room. Forgive me for thinking that the worst was over.

I had such a good day to.

I told Mikey that he couldn't see me this weekend because I was going to be too busy working on my art. I even had to blow poor old Ben off. Ironic that he finally takes a break from his never ending studying and I'm to busy with my own work to spend time with him. He understood though and even offered to help if it wasn't for his body’s lack of an artistic bone.

Yes, I actually set my alarm extra early to; just so I could give it a good enough go. I skipped breakfast and headed straight for the art room.

It was so peaceful. With no one around to distract me, I just put on my Black Flag CD and went to work, only taking a break for lunch; coffee and beer. A drink for each hand. The beer was just to keep my buzz going, I swear.

Turns out it worked, high on the caffeine and the alcohol I headed back to the room and was finished before 8 p.m. In fact, I had never been prouder.

It was art! My painting looked fantastic.

I was on such a high at finally having finished that I almost forgot to return the keys, but nope, I was on a roll. I put everything away, cleaned up, grabbed my CD and locked up the rooms. Then I proceeded to the teacher’s pigeon holes and put the keys into the one labeled "Mr. Barry - Art".

Thoroughly satisfied I grabbed the six-pack of Corona's from my room, that I had been saving for such an occasion, and knocked on the door of Bert and Quinn's room.

"Gee! To what do we owe this fucking pleasure?" Quinn questioned as he welcomed me with open arms.

"I'm in a good mood, that's what."

Bert called out a greeting that was just as friendly but there was no hug from him. According to Quinn he had a new pot dealer and the pot must have been fairly potent because he was sprawled out on Quinn's bed, stumbling stupidly as he tried to get up to greet me. In the end I just went and sat by him so he could wrap an arm around my waist lazily.

"You're covered in colours," he slurred as he tugged at my shirt and giggled.


"Colours, colours, everywhere, colours, colours all in your fucking hair. Your beautiful hair. You're like a pretty rainbow."

I just looked at Quinn in confusion, hoping he could translate stoner language for me.

"What he's trying to say is that you're covered in paint," Quinn responded matter-of-factly. "And that he likes your hair."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh right. Well Bert, I've been painting ... PA - AINT - ING!"

Bert just giggled as I spoke to him like a child and pronounced every word slowly for him. I was on top of the world, drinking beer with my two friends after having successfully finished one hell of a master piece.

I should have known right then and there that something was bound to go wrong.

As Bert snored loudly by my side, his grip on my waist going limp, and as Quinn sipped at his beer, wobbling around dangerously in his chair, my phone suddenly started vibrating.

"Near, far, where ever you are. I believe that the heart -"

Hmm, I'm afraid it’s gone to far this time, I'm going to have to ask Mikey why the hell he has this song. It's too weird.

Some of my corona spilt out onto my paint covered shirt as I struggled to pull my phone out of my pocket with drunkenly fumbling fingers. I opened the message and it was from a number my phone didn't recognize. As I read it, my face dropped and my good mood darkened dramatically:

Hi fag. try explaining 2
Mr Barry why da keyz he
truzted u with r curently
misin in action sumware
in da colage grounds.
ave fun findin dem in da
dark - Marcus

My heart sank down into my stomach. Why hadn't I seen this coming? I couldn't believe it. Marcus had once again ruined everything!

I texted him back before getting up and running out of the room, Bert and Quinn just staring at me in confusion. I ran straight to the teachers boxes and desperately searched though Mr. Barry’s. The keys weren't there.

You little fuck face. Where
are the fucking keys????

A million thoughts ran through my head whilst I waited for a reply. What would Mr. Barry do when I told him the keys were lost? Surely he had another set of them, or at least the college office would. Maybe I could borrow the set from the office and cut a copy ... but I knew they'd never go for that. And what was worse, what if some kid picked them up and found out what they unlocked. They could destroy all the artworks; they could steal all the paints. I had to get those keys back!

"Near, far, where ever you are. I believe that the heart will -"

I couldn't help but notice how unfitting the song was for my current frantic mood. I was on my own fucking titanic at the moment and it wasn't slowly sinking like on that stupid ass-numbingly long movie, it had just plummeted to the deep depths of that freezing cold water faster then a speeding bullet.

The message read:

Wat dint u get Way?
Mite wana take a jacket
wit u. Itz cold out & ull b
der 4 a while. Give u
a hint they in a dark corna
somewhere outside.


Now of course the thought did strike me that I could just not play his stupid little games and I could just explain to Mr. Barry what had happened, he could always just get the locks changed and I could stand guard over night. But, I was drunk and I'm a guy. Which meant I was just too fucking stubborn ... Ha! I guess Mikey's not the only one, really does run in the family.

I didn't want to tell Mr. Barry about his keys being missing, I didn't do anything wrong, I didn't deserve to cop all the shit that I would no doubt get for it. So, bottom line, I had to get those keys back ... right then and there.

So there I was, stumbling around the corridors, my last bottle of corona and a joint in one hand, my other hand desperately trying to wrestle my jacket onto my shoulder. I was so busy concentrating on smoking, drinking and dressing myself that I crashed right into someone else wondering the college corridors at this ridiculously late hour.

"Oh fuck!" I was lucky enough to save my joint and most of my beer although a small amount spilt right down the front of the person I ran into. "Shit, sorry, I didn't mean to, are you ... Fuck ... Frank!"

I stopped my pointless apologies when I realised that the person I had run into was the guy that had been desperately trying to ignore me over the past week. Turns out he was failing at that pretty miserably; it gave me some sort of satisfaction to know I was making it difficult for him.

Glaring, as I realised I was still pretty pissed off at him; I failed to notice that he was actually making eye contact with me again. Turns out he couldn't turn this one around. It was hard pretending I wasn't there when we had just crashed into each other head on.

"Gerard? Are you okay? You look or panicky and stuff."

I was angry, so I took that anger out on Frank. After all, he was standing there, suddenly deciding that he was ready to talk to me again. I wasn't about to have any of that.

"Like you care Frank. Just do me a favour and leave me alone, I don't have time for you right now."

It was harsh, but at the time I felt it was justified. I just pushed past him, stumbling slightly into the wall as I continued to get my grip on all the objects in my hands. I was so busy concentrating on balancing the joint in between my lips and trying to alter hands that my beer was in as I wrestled my jacket on completely; that I didn't notice Frank was following me.

"Gerard wait ... what's the matter? What's happened?"

I must have looked pretty disgruntled because Frank was looking to me, to the joint, to the beer, to my paint covered shirt and half on half off jacket, then back to me again as though I was about to collapse onto the floor screaming and start tearing out my hair.

"Nothing that a few more beers won’t fix," I replied, now trying to hold my beer with a few fingers as I struggled to do up my zip. "Fucking thing ... need more fucking hands."

"Here, give me that."

With that, Frank took the beer off me so I could use both my hands to zip my jacket up. When I was done he handed the beer back as he continued to walk next to me, watching me expectantly.

"So, you going to tell me why you're in such a hurry."

"You wouldn't understand Frank."

"Try me."

"Fine! I borrowed the keys to the art room so that I could finish my assignment for Monday as I had fallen behind and didn't want to get kicked out of college because then I'd really be a fucking failure. I returned them when I was done and everything was going fine until Marcus messaged me and told me that he took the keys and they're now lying in some dark corner outside in the college grounds somewhere. Oh and to top it all off, I have fucking Celine Dion as my message tone!"

Frank just stared at me incredulously as he tried to take everything in.

"Why can't you just explain that to your teacher? I'm sure he'd have another key."

"It's not the point Frank, if someone gets there hands on those keys, they have free reign to the art rooms and everything in them. All those art works, all those paints and canvases and stuff. Mr. Barry will kill me!"

"Alright, alright. So, where do we start? Did he give you any other hints?"

"What? Frank ... no, you're not helping me."

"Why? You don't really want to search the entire grounds all on your own do you?"

I just glared at him as I puffed away on my joint and sipped at my Corona. I was pretty out of it, I could do with the help.

"No ... not really."

"Good, then I'll help you."

That was pretty much the extent of our conversation. As we searched the grounds we did it in silence. All the while all I could think of was how pointless this quest was. Here we were searching for a needle in a fucking colossal hay stack and I could just picture Marcus standing, watching us from his window as he jangled the offending keys around and laughing menacingly.

Fuck! It never even occurred to me that the keys weren't here at all! What if he was lying and he hadn't hidden them.

"This is fucking pointless!" I shouted out when my beer and joint were long since finished and I was beginning to get seriously annoyed.

"Marcus didn't give you any other information as to where they'd be?"

"No Frank, I already told you ... no, no, NO!"

I don't know why I returned my frustration onto Frank; guess, once again, it was because he was just there at the time.

As we searched in silence again and the moments ticked by I started to get more and more pissed. Suddenly, I no longer cared about the keys, all I could think about was how I knew that tomorrow, Frank would more then likely once again start ignoring me as though none of this had ever happened. Why the fuck had he ignored me for all those days only to now come rushing back as though nothing had happened?

Apparently Frank noticed my bad mood.

"I'm just trying to help you Gerard! What the hell is wrong with you?"

Okay, so at that, I pretty much just lost it.

"Me? You're seriously asking me what the hell is wrong with me? What the hell is wrong with you? You come into my room to see me the other weekend and hang out on my bed watching my movie and I ask one simple favour of you and you fucking flip out?"

"W-what? Is that what this is all about?"

"Yes, that's what this is all about Frank. Forgive me for thinking that you were there to keep me company! Fuck, you were a fucking jerk to me. I mean, you spent the rest of the week ignoring my very existence, what's with that?"

"Look Gee ... I can expla-"

"I don't want you to explain Frank, I don't wanna hear what you have to - did you just call me Gee?"

I don't know why it threw me off, but something about the way he said it just made me stumble on my words again and any reason I had to be angry at him just evaporated into the chilly night air. I liked it.

"Uh, yeah - sorry, must have picked it up somewhere. But, there's actually a lot I have to tell you and I'm sorry it took this long to say but -"

I just stood there, confused yet transfixed. He was so serious, he was so nervous, the way he chewed on his lip ring as he made awkward eye contact with me...

"- well, I know this is probably going to come out wrong, but I think somewhere along the way we seriously got our lines crossed and -"

Frank suddenly stopped as his brown eyes lit up and he stopped chewing on his lip ring as a large smile crept across his lips. Yes, I realise I was focusing on his lips probably a bit too much, but they demanded a lot of attention. Okay, so it was kind of weird...

Anyway, I looked at Frank slightly puzzled as he continued to smile at a point just beyond me, I spun around to see what he was staring at and sure enough, the distant lights from the college suddenly caught on something shiny in the grass. The keys!

"Frank! We found them!"

I let out a loud cheer as I bent down to pick up the keys.

"I can't believe we actually found them!" Frank shouted, if possible, sounding more excited the I did.

I hastily pocketed them so I wouldn't loose them again, then I looked up and I smiled fondly at Frank, after all, it was him who spotted them for me. Right then I was just filled with that warm fuzzy feeling that only alcohol mixed with something really good happening could give you. And just like Frank was there for me to take my anger out on, he was also there for me to take my fuzzy feeling out on.

"Thanks Frank, you're a fucking champion!"

There was an almost proud look in his eyes but he apparently had nothing else to say as silence suddenly fell over us again as we locked eyes, both still smiling at our great success.

All thoughts of what Frank had been going to say left my mind as I realised that Frank was standing very close to me, why hadn't I noticed the closeness before?

Something was wrong with me, I felt off balance, I felt slightly ill and there was an odd sound coming from my ribs. As I focused I realised that there were a million butterflies in my stomach and my heart was pounding a tattoo against my chest.

"Gee ...?" Frank began, his facial expression changing to one that I couldn't quite read.

At that moment, desperate to break the entrancing eye contact, I quickly distracted myself with a small dark object crawling around on Franks shoulder. I smiled as I reached up a hand to flick it off.

"Hang on Frank, you've got a spider on you."

Then ... it happened.

It was so instant and it was so unexpected that I nearly had a heart attack.

The moment the words left my mouth Frank's face twisted into one of absolute horror and he let out a startled cry as he glanced at the offending insect on his shoulder and flipped out. I just managed to flick it off him before Frank came crashing into me causing us both to tumble onto the cold, wet grass.

I landed first, Frank falling on top of me. I know, the typical soppy shit house romance movie scene but with 2 men just to mix it up a little. But, there was no time to fathom how I felt with Frank lying on top of me because it didn't take long before his knees and elbows were digging into me uncomfortably as he desperately tried to get to his feet.

"Frank - ow - your knee is - fuck - ow - FRANK!"

After kneeing me in the groin Frank finally managed to get to his feet and with that look of sheer terror still on his face he grabbed the front of my jacket and pulled me to my feet as I still tried to grasp what the hell was happening. Still clutching onto my aching crutch it was a while before I realised Frank was pulling me along and we were running. I wasn't a good runner and I could tell I was slowing him down. But what the hell were we even running from?

"Frank ... What the fuck?" I practically shouted at him as we burst through the college doors. The moment he let me go I collapsed onto the floor moaning at the effort of having to run and the pain Franks hasty movements had caused me.

But Frank's little freak out didn't end there, he jumped around, finally grabbing at his shirt and pulling if off unceremoniously over his head before tossing it to the floor a good few meters away from him. Finally satisfied Frank collapsed against the wall and slid down it onto the floor.

He was just sitting there, shirtless and panting as he messed up his hair with two hands as though desperately trying to get something out of it.

I just sat there on the floor staring at him, wondering what the hell had just happened!

"Frank ... What the fuck was that all about?"

Frank stared at me, his eyes wide, his perfect hair now a perfect mess.

"S-spiders," he breathed out,

I just stared.



"You can't be serious. All that over a fucking spider?"

He looked up at me, a glazy look still in his eyes as he simply stared at his shirt as though it was going to jump up and eat him whole.

"I hate spiders!"

"So I noticed. Remind me to remember that one for future freak outs."

Once I had calmed my hammering heart down enough to register and sort through the unforeseeable chain of events, I was aware that Frank too had finally collected himself enough to get to his feet.

He came over towards me and offered me his hand. I stared incredulously at him, still hardly able to believe that this tough looking punk kid with the slender yet slightly toned body which was well on its way to being completely covered by tattoos, had just flipped our over a tiny little insect. Did I just describe his body? Ack!

"I'm sorry Gerard. I just really don't like spiders," he explained to me, shrugging his shoulders as though he did this all the time.

"Fuck Frank! Next time you're going to flip out like that can you give me some sort of signal? Fire works perhaps, maybe a neon sign."

It was then that it happened.

I took his hand and he lifted me to my feet with incredible strength for someone who was at least a foot shorter then me and at least 10 kilos lighter then me.

As I got my footing and realised that everything seemed supposedly sane again, I couldn't help the fact that my eyes slowly glanced, maybe a few times too many, at the tattoos that covered Frank's slightly tanned chest.

I don't know what happened, but my eyes lingered too long and as Frank shifted awkwardly I suddenly realised what the fuck I was doing, and I suddenly realised that Frank could see me doing it!

I was checking him out!!!

I was so stunned that I took a few horrified steps backwards, because what the fuck was I doing?

And Frank knew! He knew I was checking him out and I only confirmed it when I slowly backed away from him as though he had just slapped me across the face.

"Oh shit ..."

"Um - Gee, it's alright ... really, I don't -"

But I cut him off, I had to, I was just so humiliated and ashamed of myself.

As Frank took a few comforting steps towards me, speaking those words I just stuck out my hand and flashed the keys around in the ever closing gap between us making him stop to stare from me to the keys in confusion.

"Keys!" I shouted stupidly.

Yes, very good Gerard. Those are keys ... you idiot! MORON!

Frank just looked at me as though he was thinking that exact same thing and said "huh?"

"Keys ... I - I have to return the keys!"

With that I took a few more steps away from him before turning around and just full out running away. I threw the stupid keys into Mr. Barry's pigeon hole, covering them in the papers that resided in their so they wouldn't be discovered by anyone else, and then I ran for the sanctuary of my room.

Now, here I sit, Sunday afternoon and still wondering what the fuck is wrong with me. I don't even know if Mr. Barry got the keys alright, I don't even care because I'm so confused.

Do I have a crush on Frank Iero?

The same Frank Iero I used to hate and loath and envy so unjustly?

Hours of thinking have given me only one answer - I have no fucking idea!

Monday, October 16th

5 p.m. I handed in my art assignment promptly today, getting an impressed nod from Mr. Barry that I barely even registered. After that was done I quickly excused myself from the rest of the class claiming I wasn't feeling too good.

It was just an excuse really. One look at Marcus' smug face and the knowledge that he had me up all night searching in the freezing cold abyss that was the college grounds only led me to believe that I couldn't sit through a whole lesson with him there. I was furious, I hated him!

As far as I am concerned it was his fault the keys ended up in the college grounds, so therefore it was his fault that Frank decided to tag along, his fault the spider ended up on Frank's shoulder, his fault Frank's shirt came off and therefore his fault that I checked him out.

It was all his fucking fault I was so fucking confused about what the fuck happened last night!

Oh, and I haven't seen Frank anywhere! Don't even want to. I am going to go hide in my room so he can't come looking for me and force me to explain about my behavior last night.

6 p.m. College: Library. Just realised that Frank knows where my room is. Isn't safe. What if he knocks on the door, corners me and then forces me to explain my behavior last night? Library is only safe place; he wont find me here.

6:30 p.m. College: Toilets. I just realised that Frank reads! I crashed into him reading in one of the bookshelf isles just a few weeks ago. What if he finds me hiding in there? Then corners me and then forces me to explain my behavior last night? Toilets are safe at least.

7 p.m. But Frank goes to the toilet! AHHHH! NO WHERE IS SAFE!

Saturday, October 21st

84 kg (nooooo!), 10 beers (to help with the paranoia see ... and the memories), 87 cigarettes (help me forget), 1/2 joint (just to take some of the edge off).

Noon. College: My room. Paranoia had finally slipped away as I realised that Frank seems to be back to his old tricks.

At breakfast this morning I sighted him sitting at his usual table, chatting away happily to Chris and his other friends. Hard to believe the same Frank Iero who was so terrified of a stupid little spider was friends with the college's biggest bullies.

I took my seat, just eyeing him from across the room, watching him laughing and high-fiving everyone as he refused to look in my direction. Even though I was sure my stare must have been burning a hole into the back of his head, he continued to ignore my very existence.

I was so busy staring at him that I didn't notice someone slip into the chair next to me.

"Hey Gerard. What you looking at?"

I dropped my fork with a loud clatter and stared at the person that had just arrived in shock.


She just giggled at me like she always did then slapped me on the arm playfully.

"Yeah it's me Gerard, how you been?"

I just stared at her in absolute surprise because it was then that I realised it had been a life-time since I'd seen her last! Where the hell had she been?

"How have I been? Um, well that's debatable. But enough about me, where the hell have you been?"

She giggled again as she told me about the holiday that her and her family had taken to England over the past few months. Sarah swore that she mentioned it to me, but I seriously had no recollection of it. She went into detail about how lovely it had all been and about how great it was to get away for a little while, especially from the stressful life that college often threw at you.

"I missed you, did you miss me?" she finally finished saying.

I felt terrible! Mainly because I hadn't even noticed she had been gone! I didn't even, not once, ask someone where she was or why she was missing.

"Of course I missed you! I kept asking, you know, all your friends and stuff when you'd be back. And now, here you are!"

I smiled brightly, hoping that she'd buy my lie. She did. Sarah simply beamed at me and threw her arms around my neck as she hugged me tightly.

"You're the nicest guy ever Gerard, you know that right?"


"Aw, thanks Sarah."

"So anyway, here I am going on about all my stuff when I should be asking you what you've been up to! What did I miss? Knowing you a whole bunch of crazy stuff. Tell me all."

At that moment my whole life over the past few months of Sarah's absence seemed to flash before my eyes.

Suddenly I was back in the art room, dodging paint as Marcus and the upset, paint covered girl shouted obsanities at each other. Then I was sitting awkwardly on one of the stools in the same room as Mr. Barry's hand wondered up my leg, now I was back at my party again, struggling to stop myself from receiving another painful blow as Mikey shouted and stood above us pouring out that giant bowl of chocolate sauce all over everyone.

Then, the scene changed again and I was standing there in the college grounds, my entire body numb as I watched Amy grab hold of Frank and press her lips against his. There was a table now and Mikey and I sat at it laughing as our grandma told us another old joke she knew, they fadded away to be replaced by Bert’s face, inches from mine as he made out with me at the movies, his hands already making me feel hot and breathless.

Next I was listening to Mikey sob into the phone as he told me about our grandma, then suddenly he was towering over me, tears in his eyes as he hugged me tightly, my head pounding as I lay in the hospital bed wondering what on earth I had just done. Then I was standing upright again, a single red rose dropping from my hand onto a coffin.

The atmosphere shifted once more and I was giggling drunkenly as Frank flashed me his pink belt playfully, next he was standing up as I pulled pathetically at his arm, begging him to stay with me. Suddenly a cheer left my mouth and the tears were long gone as I finished the last few strokes on my fabulous artwork until Frank appeared before me and I was now yelling at him in the college grounds. Suddenly he was yelling at me, but not angrily, he was scared and he lunged at me and knocked me to the ground and onto the soft grass.

Now I was stepping away from him as my eyes flashed over his perfect body...

"Gerard? ... The suspense is killing me. Come on; tell me, what did I miss?"

"You know what Sarah, not a whole lot. It's been pretty quiet around here."

Wednesday, October 25th

2 p.m. Got a surprise phone call from Mikey this morning. And no, I'm not talking about the fact it was a surprise because I had no idea he was going to call, I'm saying it was a surprise because what he said caused me to put the phone down for a moment, slap my face until I was certain I wasn't sleeping and then finally pick up the phone again and ask:

"I'm sorry Mikes, but what did you just say?"

"I said that we're going to your college football match this weekend. On Sunday afternoon."

I paused for a moment before I simply burst out into hysterical laughter. Because it was clearly a joke. The Way's didn't play, watch or even associate with football in any way. It was unheard of.

"I'm not kidding Gee. Alicia wanted to go, so she got 3 tickets, one each for me and her and the other one for you. She knew how much we did everything together and well she thought she was doing something nice for me."

"A nicer thing to do would have been to get no bloody tickets at all. Does this girl even know anything about you?"

"Yes she does, and I know it's not my scene, but she's trying and I know they cost her a fair bit of money so I didn't want to shut her down by explaining that I didn't know if they kicked, passed or bounced the ball in football."

"Football Mikey. It's the one where you kick it and you're not allowed to use your hands."

"Ah, see that's what I though to, but apparently it's the one where you have to touch it. You can pass it and everything but the real aim of the game is to hang onto it tightly until some over-sized meat head in tiny shorts tackles you."

"Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! That one ... how boring."

YES! We were messing around, we're not that stupid. But I'm simply trying to stress how little Mikey and I knew about the game and therefore how absurd it would be to see us there.

I mean, what do we even wear? Do I do the whole Robert Smith thing and turn up in tight black jeans, dark eyeliner and an oversized football jersey? Somehow I couldn't see Frank's friends dressed like that, or accepting anyone who dressed like that.

"Mikey ... I can't go. I'll be killed!"

"Come on Gee, you have to! Please don't leave me all alone there. I don't know what I'm supposed to do."

"Mikes, I don't want to go! She's not my girl friend, I don't need to accept, I'm not too whipped to say no to her. Take your I-pod or something, that's my advice."

"Take my I-pod? Yeah, that's really going to look cool! Gee, please! I'm begging you, as a brother, as my best friend, please come with me."

I was torn.

"I'll buy you as much alcohol as your already failing liver can take..."

ACK! Blackmail ... He had me at hello. SOLD!

"Oh alright. But, if I get beaten up you at least have to cheer me on or something. No matter how much I'm loosing."

"Anything Gee, I'll even bring pom-poms just for that moment."

"You're a good brother."

Monday, October 30th

86 kg (ahhhhhhhhhhhhh! I can't help it, it's just my bloody body and after all the junk food and grog I had yesterday, I'm doomed), 0 beers (had 20 yesterday, who knows, maybe more, I don't know, I was wasted!), 100 cigarettes (it's actually probably true this time though, I had a lot), 0 joints (needed one with all my aches and pains though).

9 a.m. If you're guessing the game went badly then you're absolutely WRONG! Horribly, terrible and outstandingly wrong!

I mean, it didn't exactly go as I had planned it, but nevertheless, I do believe it went quite well.

So, allow me to explain, but first I feel it needs a heading of some kind, so here we go:


Apparently a huge event!

It's the last football game for the year and I don't know where I was last year, but it was the biggest and craziest fucking party that I had ever seen! There were people everywhere!

I needed a drink the moment we arrived. I couldn't handle the crowd sober, it was just too intense! There were blow up dolls, painted faces, flags, our college colours on anything and everything, food, alcohol and loud music I clearly wasn't "in" enough to recognize.

A few drinks, paid for by Mikey who kept his word all day (good brother), and I was loving every moment of it.

Best thing was that everyone else was as drunk, if not drunker (I know, impossible right?) then I was. So I fitted in so well it was insane!

In fact, Mikey had to pry me away from a group of hardcore football fans from our college that I'd never even seen before. I had found them painting each others faces the college colours, I just went up to them and drunkenly commanded that they do me next. They never got around to it thank god, but the next thing I know they're teaching me these cheers they do at every game and downing beer after beer with me. When Mikey came to tear me away they all groaned in protest.

"We want Mighty Gerard back!"

It was the nickname they gave me. I didn't get it, but apparently it was a football thing. I dunno.

"You hear that Mikes ... Mighty Gerard!"

I pounded my chest roughly to show how mighty I was, I winded myself. It fucking hurt!

"Ouchie wowchie."

"Yeah, not so mighty now are you? Look Gee, please behave yourself, I want to get this day right. It seems to mean a lot to Alicia that I have a good time."

I just nodded my head and tapped my brothers shoulder reassuringly. I was really happy that he had found someone that he actually wanted to make so much effort for, but I was also terribly jealous that I, the older brother, hadn't found that with anyone yet.

"Don't worry bro. I'll behave."

"Thanks Gee. I suppose you'll be wanting another drink then?"

"Hell yes!"

This time though, Mikey gave me the money so that I could buy one for him too. The crowd must have finally been getting to him as well because he sat up near the canteen with me having drink after drink. Most of them were surprisingly bought for us by complete and utter strangers who we suspected we're from the opposing college.

Me and Mikey were both dressed in black jeans and band shirts. He had on a Morrissey shirt whilst I had on my Misfits shirt. No one could tell what team we were going for which actually came in handy when fights broke out over whose team was better. We just stood back choosing to belong to whatever team the majority was cheering for. By the end of the day we had become the slightly strange, little brothers of nearly every side-line jock at the match.

Meanwhile Alicia was off talking to a large group of people she knew from who knows where and by the time she broke away from them all, Mikey and I were thoroughly smashed.

"Does this mean you're enjoying yourselves then?" she asked as she put her hands on her hips and rolled her eyes as we just giggled at nothing in particular.

Mikey gave her a lopsided grin as he pushed his glasses back up his nose and then proceeded to pull her in for a hug and a sloppy kiss on the check.

"I fucking love this game. How could I have even thought about missing out on the biggest party of the year?" I questioned as I punched the air enthusiastically.

"It hasn't even started yet!" Alicia corrected me. "I'm getting you two some food to sober you up."

And so we sat there drinking beer and eating greasy, fatty food whilst people partied on, impatiently waiting for the game to start all around us. It was heaven.

"Lookie, lookie Gee, it's your little boy friend," Mikey started teasing me, his mouth full of nachos.

He winked at me rather over dramatically as he was no doubt to drunk to do it subtly. He then tried to nudge me suggestively but completely missed my arm.

I understood the gesture and the meaning behind it however and I looked up to see Frank leaning against the canteen wall with a drink in his hand, apparently just enjoying the atmosphere. I was surprised to see he was alone.

"Excuse me a moment," I said politely as I struggled to get up and out of my seat. I was really starting to feel the alcohol and I'm pretty sure by that stage it wasn't even lunch time yet.

"You go get him tiger," Mikey egged me on as he slapped my butt playfully. I remember hearing Alicia asking Mikey to explain what the hell was going on which was probably why I was giggling by the time I found myself face to face with Frank.

"Um, hey Gerard," Frank said shifting around nervously as he looked everywhere but at me.

"Now you listen here Frank," I began, pointing at him rather stupidly as I wobbled around, still clutching my beer. I swear I don't remember taking it with me.

Now, I regret every single drunken word that slurred it's way out of my mouth but that's beside the point. I said them and there's nothing I could do about it. So I'm just going to let it all out, but remember, I regret every single word ... sort of ... I think ... he deserved them though ... yup, definitely did.

"I don't get you okay Frank and that surprisingly just intrigues me even more, which only tends to infuriate my already confused brain. And I don't know what your fucking problem is, but I know that you were the one texting me and I don't know what the deal is with all that shit but that's enough to make me think that you flipping out when I asked you to stay with me the other night was completely unjustified!"

It was at that moment that Frank stepped away from the wall and looked at me with a slightly concerned look on his face.

"Gerard, stop, don't say this stuff here, please."

I ignored him and the urgency in his voice.

"No Frank, cause you need to listen to this ... the other night when I checked you out - yes - okay, I fucking checked you out, you looked good - I mean, you looked alright for a guy and well, you should have just taken it as a compliment!"

"Gerard, seriously - just shut up alright!"

At the time, I couldn't believe Frank was being such a jerk to me. I had already seen the nicer side of him and knew that something was up, he looked so scared, but not for his own safety. If I wasn't so drunk, I probably would have paid more attention.

"Don't shoosh me Franklin -"

Yes, I actually called him that, he just looked at me with a small smile playing across his lips, but it quickly vanished as he looked around again, apparently still slightly on edge. I just ignore it and continued.

"- And it was all your fault for having your shirt off anyway. I was just looking at your tattoos that's all, why do you always have to make a big deal out of everything? You just ignore me and I hate that! You bought me that drink at the pub, you came to my room to show me your stupid little pink belt and I just want to know what your deal is. Are you my friend or not?"

At that moment Frank didn't get a chance to answer because he stepped towards me and tried to grab my arm but he wasn't fast enough and before he could get at me, I felt two other hands grab my t-shirt and spin me around roughly. I found myself face to face with Chris and all the other jock friends that Frank sat with. They were all dressed up in their uniform ready for the game, but that clearly didn't stop them from eaves dropping on my and Franks one-sided conversation.

"Look everyone it's the little art geek and he's wearing black at a football match, what a fucking surprise! How about you leave Frank alone and go join your boy friend over there!"

I was so full of beer and a drunken rage that I wasn't even scared that the colleges' boxing champion had me by the collar of my shirt or that all of his large, muscular friends were cracking their knuckles threateningly all around me.

Instead I just stared him right in the eyes and smirked.

"That's my brother dumb ass and if you want me to stay away from Frank then maybe you should tell him to stay away from me first, then I won’t have a reason to confront him like this."

Chris' face changed slightly, but only for a moment as he looked to me and Frank as though trying to figure out some great mystery. Before I could even register what look that was he gave the two of us, he pulled back a fist and next thing I knew it connected with my face and I saw stars. If it wasn't for the fact he was still clutching onto the front of my shirt I probably would have fallen hard onto the floor from the mighty hit.

I've got to admit, he really was good.

"Chris, stop! You'll kill him!" Frank suddenly shouted out, rushing, not to my side but Chris'.

Next thing I know the tight grip Chris has on me completely disappears as Frank somehow managed to calm him down and make him let go of me. But, without the hands holding me up and my aching face still spinning I tumbled straight to the ground.

"Hey, fuck off ugly, leave my brother alone!"

I looked up to see Mikey hovering over me, standing up to Chris and his friends who were, without doubt, at least 5 times the muscle that my scrawny baby brother was. Then, suddenly, I saw Frank shout a warning at Chris before he hastily stepped towards Mikey and pulled him back towards me.

"Mikey, just take Gerard and get out of here please, before he seriously looses it. I haven't explained it all to him yet and he always gets all revved up like this before a game."

"Frank you said you'd explain it already!" Mikey yelled back at him angrily. I couldn't believe the tough demeanor my brother had taken on, it was impressive.

But what the fuck were they talking about?

"Why does everyone keep fucking punching me?" I shouted from the ground, still dazed from the impact of the punch.

I don't know why I interrupted. I was listening into a private conversation that only Frank and my brother understood and yet I had no idea that the two of them even talked let alone shared a secret together. For some reason I didn't want to listen, I didn't want my already messed up head to have to deal with anything else confusing.

And that's why I interrupted. Well, that and the fact that I seriously wanted to know why lately I had found myself being beaten up nearly every month!

Frank just gave me this look of pity as Mikey crouched down to inspect the side of my face.

"Ouch Michael, stop touching it, it hurts!"

"Shut up and get up Gerard before he gets you again!"

Something in Mikey's voice made me register some sort of urgency and so I allowed him to help me to my feet as Frank stood yelling something to a seething Chris.

I still cannot figure out how the tiny little Frank Iero managed to keep the massively huge Chris at bay, but sure enough he did. How did he become this professional boxers superior? What the hell was he doing right? More questions, darn Frank.

Then, Mikey said it ... the fatal words that would ensure a very early end our football experience, one that I would never forget.

"Gee, what the hell were you thinking? You can't fight! What in the world made you think you could stand up to that guy? He's huge!"

I don't know why, but Mikey’s words hit hard. I was trying, I really was and I had been beaten up so much lately that I was sick of it. Sure, I couldn't fight to save myself but that didn't change the fact that I had a lot of heart.

"I can fight Mikey, you just watch me."

I remember Mikey calling something out to me, I even remember Alicia calling something out to me, but I ignored both of them as I walked off into the stands. I sat down into an empty seat feeling sorry for myself. I felt pathetic, I felt weak and I certainly didn't feel manly.

I have no idea how long I was sitting there, but it was long enough for the stands around me to start filling up and for some action to start happening out on the field. But it wasn't the footballers; it was the cheerleaders from each college.

And that was when my attention was diverted from my suicidaly depressed thoughts to something much better. Revenge!

If you're thinking I was staring at the cheerleaders you'd be wrong. I was staring at the mascot from my college's side that was jumping around with the girls, getting the crowd all revved up. The panda!

I already knew who was behind that costume ... it was Marcus. And Marcus just happened to be a wimpy little art geek like me who also happened to be Chris' brother.

I was so mad at Chris at Frank and at Mikey for keeping secrets from me that I just snapped. I was in the wrong seat as I just sat wherever I could in my drunken state, which made me a small jump away from being directly on the field. It came in handy.

The moment this girl came up to me and said "I think you're in my seat," I just lost it.

In one swift movement I jumped the small fence that was holding the crowd back from the field and landed rather ungracefully onto my feet. I stumbled around trying to stand and when I finally did I ran, faster then I ever had before until I came within an inch of our college mascot.

And what do you think I did? That's right, I ran and jumped, wrapping my arms around the panda's middle as I did so and me and Marcus, in disguise, went crashing onto that same artificial college grass that I Frank had tackled me down onto the other weekend.

I heard a muffled "what the fuck?" from the costume but I barely even noticed. I was on top of him in a flash, tossing the stupid panda head off until I was finally faced with Marcus' stunned looking expression.

"Oh you're going to get it now you little prick!" I shouted, and then I started.

Next thing I know I'm beating up Marcus with a fury I never even thought I had in me. It was fantastic, it was great. And it only gave me more satisfaction that I must have looked pretty bloody straddling a panda as I punched the living shit out of it.


I could hear Mikey's voice from somewhere in the crowd but that was when he was drowned out by that unforgettable chanting.


Next thing I know the entire crowd is chanting "mighty Gerard, mighty Gerard, mighty Gerard," and before I knew it I was putting all the anger and all the new found adrenalin I had into beating the living crap out of Marcus.

"That's for being a little bitch to me you jerk - and that ones for destroying that girls artwork and leaving me to cop all the blame - and that ones for the keys you fucking bastard!"

All my anger was just let out on the guy in the panda costume and I didn't stop until I felt my own middle being grabbed roughly by two security guards that the college had no doubt hired for the day.

I didn't put up a fight because by that time I was exhausted and actually quite satisfied. I was immediately dragged outside of the grounds and sat down on a rather uncomfortable chair until Mikey and Alicia came rushing up to me.

"Gee! What the hell? You okay?" Mikey asked, inspecting me closely.

I watched the concerned yet impressed looks on both Mikey's and his girl friends faces but I suddenly felt terrible when I remembered that Mikey had been trying to impress her this weekend and here I was drunk and bleeding, kicking us all out of the game.

I must have been pretty drunk cause I started crying.

"What? Gee, what's wrong? Are you hurt? Are you okay?" Mikey questioned as he inspected me all over as though unsure if I was dying or not.

"I ruined your weekend! You were supposed to have fun! I ruined it for the two of you. I ruin everything!" I wailed, sobbing pathetically as the two guards that had dragged me out of the game just stood there staring at me as though I was some unstable retard.

I still can't believe I was crying, but the thought of me ruining my brother’s chances with this girl destroyed me ... and, I was drunk.

But to my great surprise Alicia started laughing.

"Are you kidding? Gerard, this had been the best weekend I've ever had! And I don't even like football; I just thought that you two did."

Mikey pulled my into a hug as my cries turned into a small smile at Alicia’s words. I didn't ruin anything for my brother and what was even better; I managed to get all my anger and frustration out on Marcus. I felt great, I felt better then great, I felt alive!

And so, that was my weekend.

After that we pretty much headed off to the Starbucks up the road where Alicia tried desperately to sober us up. Its funny how you never really notice how drunk you are until you go somewhere quiet and calm and you realise how much your head is spinning around in crazy town.

I hated that I confronted Frank like that, but hey, least it's all off my chest now.

So all in all, despite my impressive black eye, I had fun.

Tuesday, October 31st

87 kg (AHHH!) 0 beers (Frank ended up watching me all day long), 72 cigarettes (only cause Frank smoked to), 0 joints (needed some - gah!!!!!!).

Very late Night. College: My room.
Halloween ... and I didn't even get any time to enjoy it.

After the most craziest day ever on Sunday I spent all day Monday trying to recover, so I didn't really see anyone or talk to anyone. Bert and Quinn came in to ask me how the football went and cheered and booed in all the right spots in my long and crazy story but apart from that I didn't leave my room.

I didn't want to see Frank, I didn't want to see Chris and I certainly didn't want to see Marcus. So I just stayed in my room, blissfully unaware.

Today was not so blissfully desolate though.

As I sat in my bed this morning wondering if I could find enough free time to head out to my parents place so I could spend my favourite holiday with Mikey, I didn't expect the whole day of crazy that I was about to receive.

I took my time waking up as this was my day. Halloween was always my day. I had no idea that it was about to be spoiled though when at that exact moment, to my great surprise, there was a loud knock on my bedroom door.

Somehow I managed to get my lazy ass out of bed and I swung open my bedroom door, freezing as I found myself staring into those shinning eyes of Frank Iero. I recognized the urgency that they sparkled with, it was unsettling.

"F-Frank ... w-what's happening? What's going on?"

That was when he said it.

"Gee, we have a serious problem."

"Oh yeah, what's that?"

"Your little stunt at the game on Sunday ... Basically, Chris wants you dead!"

My mouth fell open as I realised Frank was serious. Why else would he be here?

I tried to look on the bright side, but there was none. I had beaten up his little brother, what did I expect? If someone beat up Mikey I knew that I would be there, fists raised awkwardly as I tried to avenge him, even though I knew I couldn't fight for shit. It was a typical older brother’s attitude, so deep down, I understood.

"Good ... let him kill me then," I said stubbornly as I sat back down on my bed, arms folded, trying to look determined.

I really didn't care because I saw no direct way out of my situation and as it was, I was pretty pissed at Frank. I did not expect the desperate and somewhat urgent look to spread across Franks face.

"Gerard ... I'm serious. Get up right now. I have to teach you how to defend yourself."

At the desperation in Frank’s voice I realised how serious the situation was, yet there was something else I just couldn't put my finger on. However, I couldn't just ignore Frank this time and hope he'd go away as he actually pulled me up and out of bed and proceeded to teach me some rather helpful methods to defend myself.

As I realised how serious he was taking this I suddenly started to panic, inwardly of course, I didn't want him to see that I was actually letting this get to me.

When I was exhausted from all the Jackie Chan type moves Frank was showing me and the strategies he was teaching me to use, he seemed to think I'd had enough.

"Right, now you have to practice that stuff Gerard. This isn't a game; I swear to you, Chris will kill you! I don't want to scare you; I just want you to be aware. I'll come back in a few days to see how you're doing, alright?"

I just stared at Frank in complete and utter surprise. Why was he helping me? Why was he being so nice? How the hell did he know all Chris' moves like the back of his hand? It was all piling up in the mystery file.

Then, and this part was seriously very odd, Frank glanced at his watch and a small shadow fell across his face, it was almost as though he was seriously upset about something. I glanced at my own digital clock to find it read 10 p.m. I couldn't believe we had been there all day. With that last fleeting look of something I couldn't quite read, Frank said one last goodbye and left my room.

Now I'm sitting here in bed, seriously depressed that my Halloween was ruined, once again, when I think about it, by Marcus and his family. I never even got that chance to go see Mikey like we always did, every single year on Halloween. Another tradition ruined.

Yet, things were becoming serious. Frank had no more control over the bully. Chris wanted me dead for beating up his little brother and he was going to get what he wanted.

Who is Frank trying to kid, does he know me at all? I can't learn those moves, I'm a dead man!

I may as well order my coffin now, I'm done for.


AN: I know it took forever, sorry everyone. But here it is and I made it very worth your while. It's really long, but that should keep you going until I finally write the next chapter, the most important one in my opinion. It all finally comes out, everything. I promise that in November the whole story will suddenly make incredible sense. Love you all xx
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