FicWad

We arrived at the venue about an hour before sound check. I noticed immediately that Ray looked pissed. When Gee and I walked on to the bus he was glaring.
“Hey, Guys.” Frank greeted us. “Have a good time?”
“Yeah, we did.” Gerard said smiling. “So any problems going down?”
“Nope, things are good.” Frank said standing. “Bob and Mikey are already backstage. We were just getting ready to head over.”
“Wait up a minute and I’ll go with you.” Gerard told him quickly walking down the hall to stow our bags. I walked over and took a seat across from Ray. When Gerard reappeared he joined Frank who was standing by the stairs. Ray started to stand.
“Ray, can I talk to you a minute?” I asked.
He turned and gave me a surprised look. “Sure.” He settled back in his seat. I smiled over at the guys. “I won’t keep him long.”
Gerard shot me a confused look. I smiled tying to let him know it was okay. He paused a minute then followed Frank off the bus.
“So what do you want to talk to me about?” Ray asked.
“Why was learning that Gee and I are going to have a baby such a shock to you?”
“I was told you were unable to have children.” He answered.
“I’m guessing my husband shared all the information he’s collected about me with you.” It was hard not to sound bitter. I could still remember how hurt I’d been when Gerard had told me he’d had me ‘checked out’.
Ray sighed, “I don’t want to argue with you, Laura.”
“And I don’t want to argue with you but you have to understand that the relationship Gee and I have now is nothing what is was when we were first together.”
“Isn’t it?”
“No, it’s not. He and I have been through hell together.” I answered hotly.
“Yeah, I’ve been through hell with him too.” Ray said, “Actually I’ve been in hell with Gerard for years.”
“A hell of your own making.” I was trying hard to keep my anger under control.
“How the fuck can you say that?” Ray sat forward, “None of us would be in this fucking mess if it wasn’t for him. He had no business ever being with Merri. He fucking knew that.”
“Ray, we can rehash this until the end of time and nothing will change. You and Gee both failed Merri.” I said softly.
He looked as though I’d physically hit him. After a moment he spoke, “Yeah, I guess we did. But I didn’t end up in bed with her dead body.”
“But if you had. If the situation had been reversed do you believe Gee would have taken on your role? Do you think he would have protected you?”
Again he seemed speechless for a moment. “I would like to think so. I would like to think he loved me enough to try to protect me.”
“He would have.” I said sitting up and looking into his eyes. “He does love you, Ray. You are like a brother to him. Why do you think he continues to let you treat him like you do?”
He stared at me then slowly leaned back. I could tell my words had shocked him.
“Ray, before I came along you and Gee we’re in hell together. That’s true. Like two prisoners of war who have to relay on each other to survive. I changed that and I realize that was difficult for you to accept. But Ray, please know this. Nothing has changed between you and Gee. He would still do whatever he could to protect you.” I paused then added, “So would I.”
Ray was staring at the carpet. He looked up at me with a strange look in his eyes. “Do you mean that, Laura?”
“Yeah, Ray. I do. When I first met you I just couldn’t figure you out. One minute you were nice to me then the next I was sure you hated the ground I walked on. But now I understand. While you hated that Gee was letting me into the world that you two had survived in for so long, you were worried about me.”
“Yeah, I was. I didn’t want you involved in this and the closer you got to Gee I could see how he was falling for you. Still I worry. There is a dark side to your husband.”
“A very dark side.” I whispered. “But slowly he is learning to fight it.”
Suddenly he stood and walked over to me. “Just promise me to be careful.”
I stood and hugged him. “Don’t worry. We will all get through this.”
“Sorry.” Alicia’s voice caused Ray and I to break apart. “I just needed to get something.”
I laughed, “No problem. Ray and I were just bonding.”
Ray looked embarrassed. “I gotta get backstage.” He muttered.
Alicia hurried by towards the back of the bus.
“Ray, I really would.” I said again wanting him to understand I would do whatever I could to protect him.
“Me too, Laura.” Ray said sadly, “I just hope I never have to protect you from the one thing you love the most.” With that he hurried off the bus.
“Everything okay?” Alicia asked reappearing.
“Just fine.” I smiled. I understood she was curious about what had just transpired between Ray and me but I couldn’t tell her. “Heading backstage?”
“Yeah.” She nodded.
We left the bus and caught up with Ray right as he was entering the venue. I knew Gerard would be worried so I linked arms with Ray when we walked in. Ray looked over at me and smiled. When Gerard saw us I could see relief written on his face.

During the Meet & Greet I was standing across the room when Jenny walked over and gave me a hug.
“Hey, how’s it going? I came by your bus this morning and Alicia told me you and Gerard had driven here.”
“Yeah, Gee got a car so we could have some ‘alone time’.” I said happily.
“That’s nice. He’s so good to you now.”
“Now?” I repeated.
Jenny looked uncomfortable. “I’m sorry I didn’t mean it the way it sounded.”
Yeah, she had and I really couldn’t blame her. Even though Gerard has always tried to appear nice in me in front of other people he hadn’t acted loving like he did now. “Hey, it’s okay. Gerard and I had a rough time when we first got together. Things are different now.”
She nodded, “Yeah, right. I can tell how much he loves you. Oh, crap. Line is backing up. Talk to you later.” With that she wondered over and gently reminded the young fan standing talking to Bob that she needed to keep moving.
As she walked away I realized how my comment might have sounded. It was almost as if I sounded like a woman who had taken some form of abuse from a man but made excuses saying it was all better now. In a way it had been like that. I cringed remembering how he and I had both looked coming back several days late after our fight that resulted in Troy’s firing. We had both been battered and bruised. It was a good thing people didn’t know the hell we’d really gone through since our first meeting. I must have been frowning because when I looked up Gerard had left the table and was walking towards me. The Meet & Greet was still in progress.
“What’s wrong?” He asked reaching out to touch my face. “Do you feel okay?”
“Honey, I’m fine.” I laughed. “Get your pretty ass back over to that table and sign your name.”
He didn’t look convinced, “Really you looked so upset. Tell me.”
“Gerard Arthur I’m fine. Really.”
He leaned towards me and kissed my lips. “Love you.” He whispered.
“Love you.” I whispered back.
After he returned to the table I made sure to keep smiling. I didn’t want him worrying needlessly.

The concert was in full swing and Alicia and I sat together on the side stage watching the men we loved do what they loved. It still amazed me to look out and see the fans reactions. They loved this group like no other. Gerard was singing “I Never Told You What I Do For a Living” and the crowd was so into the song. Suddenly as he sang the line “I can’t clean the blood off the sheets in my bed.” something was thrown on stage. It landed at his feet; he looked down, and froze. I knew something was very wrong and stood trying to see what was happening. By this time Ray had moved over towards Gerard in order to see what had been thrown on stage. I saw him grab Gerard’s shoulder and spin him around so that he was facing away from the audience. Quickly Worm, who was standing a short distance from me, took the stage and picked up the item, which looked to be some sort of banner. Ray was still talking to Gerard and I could see my husband was upset. Frank walked over and joined them. The audience was shocked Gerard had stopped singing and you could tell many were trying to figure out what had just happened.
“What the fuck?” Alicia asked me.
I shook my head that I didn’t know but I had a sinking feeling in my stomach that I did know. Worm came off the stage and I walked over to him.
“What is it?” I asked trying to see what was in his hands.
It was obvious he was as confused as everyone else. He held on to the white material but let part of it drop. It was a bed sheet covered with red stains. Blood, it looked like blood. I remembered the line Gerard had been singing when it hit the stage.
“Okay, that’s gross by why is Gee so freaked?” Alicia asked joining us.
I knew but couldn’t answer her. Looking out on to the stage I saw Gerard turn back around to the audience. Without saying anything about the incident the band launched into the next song.
“Get rid of it.” I said to Worm. “Now, before he comes off the stage.”
Worm looked at me a moment then nodded.
“What is going on?” Alicia tugged on my arm. “I don’t understand.”
I turned to her. “A sick joke.” I got out before the wave on nausea hit me. Running backstage I barely made it to the bathroom before losing the contents of my stomach. When I came out of the stall Alicia was leaning against the wall waiting for me.
“You okay?”
I went over to the sink and splashed cold water on my face. “No”
“Want to go back to the bus and lie down?”
As much as I wanted to be there for Gerard as soon as he left the stage I was feeling dizzy and sick. “Yeah, I think so.”
She held on to my arm to steady me as we left the bathroom. Worm was waiting in the hall. Alicia told him she was taking me to the bus. He followed us out of the venue, through the darkness and to the bus.
I crawled into the bunk and closed my eyes. The world was still spinning. “Please tell Gerard I need him as soon as he gets off the stage.” I whispered to Alicia.
“But shouldn’t I stay with you?” She asked.
“Please, I’m okay. Just tell him.” I just wanted him to hold me.
“I’ll stay with her.” Worm said as he leaned down and placed a cold washcloth on my forehead. “Go on back.”
Alicia gave me a quick kiss on the cheek and left. I waited until I knew for sure she was gone to speak to Worm. “Did you see who threw it?”
“I was looking out into the crowd when it happened.” He said. “Hard to be sure.”
How much did Worm know, I wondered. “You don’t have any idea?” I pushed.
“Looked like a blond girl threw it.” He answered. “She was on the barrier and it came from where she was standing. I looked out again as I picked it up but I didn’t see her standing there anymore.”
I closed my eyes wishing I hadn’t asked. The only thing I could hope now was that Gerard hadn’t seen her.
“Worm, I’m going to ask you to do something that you might think is wrong. Don’t tell anyone who you think threw it.”
I opened my eyes waiting for him to answer. He had been with Gerard a long time and I was afraid he’d refuse to lie to him. I could tell he was considering my request carefully. Finally he spoke, “Okay, Laura. I didn’t see anything.”
Relief washed over me. “Thank you.” I said then closed my eyes.