FicWad

I held my breath as I put the cool blade to my wrist. This can’t be happening. It can’t be. I closed my eyes tight, trying to imagine I wasn’t me. I wasn’t living this kind of a life that no one should live. Only I knew what I would see when I opened my eyes. Slowly I forced them open. Still in my bathroom, still in the fucking uniform we have to wear to school, still Frank fucking Iero, and still with that razor pressed against my skin. The metal object that could change someone’s life… for the worse. Hell I don’t even remember where I had gotten it; I’ve had it so long. Hidden away, waiting. Waiting for the day I would crack. Waiting for today. I need this. I need to be able to feel again. I need to feel something. I pressed harder, feeling the sharp edge dig into my flesh, just enough to leave a scratch. Once again I held my eyes shut. I held my breath. In a sudden movement I pulled the blade across my skin. As the air caught the fresh cut it began to sting. I wailed out in pain. Pain. I was finally able to feel something again. Even if it was only pain. This was going to be the beginning to my recovery. I just needed to find away to feel again. To have emotion. I forced myself to look at the gorey slit in my wrist. I winced as I finally grasped what I had just done. I purposely injured myself. I never thought I would sink this low. I have fucking abusive parents and get injured every day, and now I’m hurting myself?! What the hell is wrong with me… I wet a cloth a held it against the gash, hoping to stop the bleeding. After a good fifteen minutes of pressure, the flow of blood stopped. I bent down and cleaned up the drying blood that was all over the bathroom floor. As I got ready to go up to my room, the shine from the razor caught my eye. “Fuck,” I breathed out, almost as a whisper, “almost forgot this.” I walked back over, but suddenly felt sick. Suddenly felt like I was going to pass out if I moved any closer. Shakily I walked over towards it, picking it up then rushing up the stairs. I slammed the door shut and jumped on my bed out of breath. Burying my head in my pillow, I cried. Not just a few tears, but thousands of them. Thousands of emotions I’ve kept locked up for so long flowed freely. It was something I haven’t felt in a long time. I looked down and smiled at my cut. “What the hell is happening to you Iero,” I said in an unnaturally giggly voice. “What the hell is happening..”