Categories > Original > Drama > Beat of Their Own Drums
Change Your Mind
0 reviewsWhen the girl who can always make others smile can't find the strength to herself, who can bring it back? Song used: The All-American Rejects "Change Your Mind"
0Unrated
A/N: This oneshot contains a lot of angsty fluff, for those of you who can't take large amounts of cutesy shit without having to puke or anything like that.
Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics to "Change Your Mind".
Song Used: The All-American Rejects' "Change Your Mind".
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Three: Change Your Mind
Puppet: Cormac O'Kane
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't solve the problem,
When danger is bitter,
Far away will you stock them,
In cages that tither...
“I miss you, Mac.”
Her voice wavered slightly as if it hurt her to speak. I wondered for a moment if that was because the phone line was distorting her speech a little or if it was because she was starting to cry again; chances were it was a little of both, but I could hope...
“I miss you too, sweetheart,” I replied gently, “but we've made it this far, haven't we? Nothing we haven't handled before.”
No, nothing we hadn't handled before. Year after year she'd left me in order to chase after another love of hers; school. Time after time she'd gotten on a plane that took her more than a thousand miles away for several months. Over and over again she'd abandoned me here in tiny, dreary New Jersey where the city air clogged my pores with dust and pollution fogged my lungs while she lived in bright, sunny Chile, soaking up the sun and playing soccer everyday, remaining healthy and active.
Yeah, I was a little jealous; she was getting the opportunity of a lifetime, attending the college up there in Santiago, expanding her knowledge of the Spanish language and learning how to share her skill with others.
Me, on the other hand...I was just going to school nearby, close enough to home that I was able to sleep in my own bed every night. I wanted to be an architect and was studying engineering; nothing exciting. Nothing exotic. Nothing like what she was doing...
But then again, I really wasn't into the whole 'wild' thing. I liked staying where I was comfortable, and I was most at home when I was...well, at home.
...And I wasn't sure if I could handle the idea of leaving the neighborhood that Paige and I had grown up together in. It held so many precious memories; the first time I'd seen her, met her, kissed her, told her I loved her...
Even now, as I sat quietly at the bottom of a slide in the middle of a children's playground with my cell phone raised to my ear, I could recall so many things that had happened in this very same spot. I had kissed her here, once...all that time ago when we had laid here side by side, looking up at the night sky just like I was now.
That had been before she made the decision to attend college in another country; when our love had just started to bloom into the flower it was now; when her soft skin had still been a virgin to my touch; when we had no other thought but to love and be loved; when things had been simple.
“I want to come home,” I could tell that she was whispering into the speaker of her phone, because there would never have been another way for me to hear her otherwise, “I can't do this anymore.”
And all the bridges you've burned,
Leave you trapped off at all sides,
Now the tables do turn,
When it's all gone, what's left for you?
I tensed. “What?”
“I can't!” She cried, much louder this time, causing me to flinch and draw the phone away for a moment. She wasn't the big-voiced sort, but I couldn't help but admire the way her voice didn't go shrill or tight. “I can drop out. I won't have to leave all the time anymore...we can be closer...”
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
She was so much stronger than that. I knew she was. She lived with a smile through the loss of her eldest brother and mother, through the betrayal of her first and quite possibly strongest love, through the time of darkness when her father seemed to be at death's door, through the separation from me...
Through every hardship of life she always managed to find something to laugh about.
And she was about to just give up?
And when the sky is falling,
Don't look outside the window,
Step back and hear I'm calling,
Give up, don't take the fast road,
It's just your doubt that binds you,
Just drop those thoughts behind you now (now),
Change your mind, you let go too soon...
“Paige,” I said her name quietly into the speaker, not wanting to sound like I was yelling at her because I knew that would only make things worse, “think about what you're saying, girl. You don't really want to throw this away, do you?”
“If it means I can be near you again,” her tone was husky now, as if she was trying hard to swallow something that had become lodged in her throat, “I'll do anything.”
I could almost felt my heart and mind run in two totally different directions, ripping themselves and causing an ache in both my chest and my skull. One half swelled to the point of bursting, touched that she was willing to go to such a great depth to be at my side and wanting so badly to agree with her...tell her that I felt exactly the same way...that I'd try and bring down a handful of stars if I thought it'd make her happy...
But the other half; the voice of logic; the part of me that I wished desperately I didn't have and kept me from running away with myself, clenched in on itself so tightly that I felt as if my chest was about to collapse. No...she couldn't do that! She needed to go to school so she could get a good job and not have to worry about money, to have security. She had to stick this through. She couldn't let me stop her.
I wasn't worth it.
Step down, you're sinking,
There's no one to watch you,
Skip town, you're thinking,
There's no one to stop you...
And I told her so.
“Your future means a lot more to me than having you close,” I said after a long moment of trying to find the right words to use, knowing that everything syllable, every pause, every sentence could very well mean the difference between wealth or poverty, “please, Paige. Don't let me be the thing that stops you from having a life.”
“How hard is it for you to understand, Mac?” Her voice suddenly sounded harsh and gravely, like the growl of an angry dog, “Can you just not see it, or do you not even care?”
What the Hell was she talking about?
“I don't know what you're trying to say.”
A sigh fuzzed from across the line. “You are my life, stupid,” she said, the previous glare in her voice fading like a candle's flame in a gentle, incessant breeze, “I don't have anything or anyone else that I feel like I can count on always being there.”
But no one lives forever...
And all the bridges you've burned,
Leave you trapped off at all sides,
Now the tables do turn,
When it's all gone, what's left for you?
“Please,” I was pleading with her now, “you and I both know I can't always be around for you. You need something to fall back on. It'd be such a waste to drop out if...”
This was more than just having the education. This was more than just making sure she could get a job when she needed to make ends meet. This was more than assuring both of us that she would always have some sort of soft landing if she stumbled. This was good for her. She needed to taste what she was made of so she could have the power to trek on later.
It suddenly didn't matter anymore if I couldn't function properly without her. The true question was a startlingly simple one, and I wondered why it hadn't ever occurred to me before.
Could she function properly without me? If something happened; if we stopped caring for one another; if I got hurt; if I died, would she...could she find the strength to stay on her chosen path, or would she choose the easy, cowardly road?
If I could, I would be there to catch her when she fell for always and eternity.
But I can't.
And when the sky is falling,
Don't look outside the window,
Step back and hear I'm calling,
Give up, don't take the fast road,
It's just your doubt that binds you,
Just drop those thoughts behind you now (now),
Change your mind, you let go too soon...
“If what, Mac?” she asked, her tone challengingly brazen and demanding, the way she sometimes got when she felt as if she'd been cornered, “If you leave me?”
“No!” I said louder than I meant to, knowing exactly where her mind had gone and horrified that she'd even considered the idea of me abandoning her on purpose, “No, that's not going to happen...it's just that...i-if something else happens...like if I get hit by a bus tomorrow o-or get diagnosed with cancer and end up having two months to live or -”
“Don't be ridiculous, Mac,” it broke my heart how defensive she was being when I only wanted to try and help...to show her that I was just as flawed as everyone else, to show her that she was stronger than she thought, “none of that's going to happen and you know it.”
“I don't,” I insisted, feeling desperate tears prick at the corners of my eyes, “I don't know. And neither do you. Nobody does.”
Don't run away, start feeling fine,
It's better than your worst, your worst day,
No words to say, I'll give you mine,
And pocket all the hurt, just stay,
Don't run away,
It's better than your worst, your worst day...
A silence stretched between us, neither quite sure what else could be said that hadn't already been said before.
My mind flashed once again back to the time when I'd kissed her under the stars in this very same place. Suddenly I remembered why I had felt the need to kiss her at that particular time and place.
“Paige, do you remember the day after my step-dad's trial?” I asked, laying back on the hard, slick plastic and putting one hand beneath my head. I couldn't think of any other way to get her to change her mind. She was so stubborn...
“Of course,” she replied, sounding a bit confused, “you hardly said a word. I was worried sick about you...what's that got to do with anything?”
I ignored the question. “Do you remember what I told you when I did talk?”
I could almost sense her rueful smile. “That you wanted me to run away with you.”
“And what did you tell me?”
And when the sky is falling,
Don't look outside the window,
Step back and hear I'm calling,
Give up, don't take the fast road,
And when the sky is falling,
Don't look outside the window,
Step back and hear I'm calling,
Give up, don't take the fast road (don't take the fast road),
It's just your doubt that binds you,
Just drop those thoughts behind you now (now),
I'll change your mind, you let go too soon...
A short pause, and then a defeated sigh. “That you should face up to your problems 'cause they won't go away if you run away from them.”
“And then?” I pressed, hoping she remembered the last part.
Her voice quivered again, and this time I was sure that it was because she was crying or was about to start crying. But I didn't feel guilty about it because I knew they weren't tears of sadness; there were some things in life that were so pure, so good, so sweet that we couldn't think of any better response then to cry.
“You thought about it for a little while then you said...” she swallowed hard, “you said that I was right. It would make you that much stronger and make it that much easier to pick me up when it was my turn to stumble.”
“Exactly.”
I let those words sink in, feeling an enormous wave of relief wash over me now that it seemed that she had calmed down. Maybe now she could see that I needed her to be brave; needed to see that I could trust her to be independent should something happen the next day.
“Paige?”
She sniffled. “Yeah, Mac?”
“I need you to be strong, sweetheart.”
She actually laughed. “I think I'll have to be; Lord knows how heavy you are.”
I found myself laughing too. “Love you, Paige.”
“I love you too, butterball.”
Change your mind, you let go too soon (don't run away),
Change your mind, you let go too soon (don't run away),
I'll change your mind, you let go too soon (don't run away),
Change your mind.
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A/N: These two are pretty much my favorite pairing ever. They're just so cute, man...the enthusiastic dreamer girl and the sturdy practical boy just balance each other out really well, I think.
Disclaimer: I do not own the lyrics to "Change Your Mind".
Song Used: The All-American Rejects' "Change Your Mind".
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three: Change Your Mind
Puppet: Cormac O'Kane
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Don't solve the problem,
When danger is bitter,
Far away will you stock them,
In cages that tither...
“I miss you, Mac.”
Her voice wavered slightly as if it hurt her to speak. I wondered for a moment if that was because the phone line was distorting her speech a little or if it was because she was starting to cry again; chances were it was a little of both, but I could hope...
“I miss you too, sweetheart,” I replied gently, “but we've made it this far, haven't we? Nothing we haven't handled before.”
No, nothing we hadn't handled before. Year after year she'd left me in order to chase after another love of hers; school. Time after time she'd gotten on a plane that took her more than a thousand miles away for several months. Over and over again she'd abandoned me here in tiny, dreary New Jersey where the city air clogged my pores with dust and pollution fogged my lungs while she lived in bright, sunny Chile, soaking up the sun and playing soccer everyday, remaining healthy and active.
Yeah, I was a little jealous; she was getting the opportunity of a lifetime, attending the college up there in Santiago, expanding her knowledge of the Spanish language and learning how to share her skill with others.
Me, on the other hand...I was just going to school nearby, close enough to home that I was able to sleep in my own bed every night. I wanted to be an architect and was studying engineering; nothing exciting. Nothing exotic. Nothing like what she was doing...
But then again, I really wasn't into the whole 'wild' thing. I liked staying where I was comfortable, and I was most at home when I was...well, at home.
...And I wasn't sure if I could handle the idea of leaving the neighborhood that Paige and I had grown up together in. It held so many precious memories; the first time I'd seen her, met her, kissed her, told her I loved her...
Even now, as I sat quietly at the bottom of a slide in the middle of a children's playground with my cell phone raised to my ear, I could recall so many things that had happened in this very same spot. I had kissed her here, once...all that time ago when we had laid here side by side, looking up at the night sky just like I was now.
That had been before she made the decision to attend college in another country; when our love had just started to bloom into the flower it was now; when her soft skin had still been a virgin to my touch; when we had no other thought but to love and be loved; when things had been simple.
“I want to come home,” I could tell that she was whispering into the speaker of her phone, because there would never have been another way for me to hear her otherwise, “I can't do this anymore.”
And all the bridges you've burned,
Leave you trapped off at all sides,
Now the tables do turn,
When it's all gone, what's left for you?
I tensed. “What?”
“I can't!” She cried, much louder this time, causing me to flinch and draw the phone away for a moment. She wasn't the big-voiced sort, but I couldn't help but admire the way her voice didn't go shrill or tight. “I can drop out. I won't have to leave all the time anymore...we can be closer...”
I couldn't believe what I was hearing.
She was so much stronger than that. I knew she was. She lived with a smile through the loss of her eldest brother and mother, through the betrayal of her first and quite possibly strongest love, through the time of darkness when her father seemed to be at death's door, through the separation from me...
Through every hardship of life she always managed to find something to laugh about.
And she was about to just give up?
And when the sky is falling,
Don't look outside the window,
Step back and hear I'm calling,
Give up, don't take the fast road,
It's just your doubt that binds you,
Just drop those thoughts behind you now (now),
Change your mind, you let go too soon...
“Paige,” I said her name quietly into the speaker, not wanting to sound like I was yelling at her because I knew that would only make things worse, “think about what you're saying, girl. You don't really want to throw this away, do you?”
“If it means I can be near you again,” her tone was husky now, as if she was trying hard to swallow something that had become lodged in her throat, “I'll do anything.”
I could almost felt my heart and mind run in two totally different directions, ripping themselves and causing an ache in both my chest and my skull. One half swelled to the point of bursting, touched that she was willing to go to such a great depth to be at my side and wanting so badly to agree with her...tell her that I felt exactly the same way...that I'd try and bring down a handful of stars if I thought it'd make her happy...
But the other half; the voice of logic; the part of me that I wished desperately I didn't have and kept me from running away with myself, clenched in on itself so tightly that I felt as if my chest was about to collapse. No...she couldn't do that! She needed to go to school so she could get a good job and not have to worry about money, to have security. She had to stick this through. She couldn't let me stop her.
I wasn't worth it.
Step down, you're sinking,
There's no one to watch you,
Skip town, you're thinking,
There's no one to stop you...
And I told her so.
“Your future means a lot more to me than having you close,” I said after a long moment of trying to find the right words to use, knowing that everything syllable, every pause, every sentence could very well mean the difference between wealth or poverty, “please, Paige. Don't let me be the thing that stops you from having a life.”
“How hard is it for you to understand, Mac?” Her voice suddenly sounded harsh and gravely, like the growl of an angry dog, “Can you just not see it, or do you not even care?”
What the Hell was she talking about?
“I don't know what you're trying to say.”
A sigh fuzzed from across the line. “You are my life, stupid,” she said, the previous glare in her voice fading like a candle's flame in a gentle, incessant breeze, “I don't have anything or anyone else that I feel like I can count on always being there.”
But no one lives forever...
And all the bridges you've burned,
Leave you trapped off at all sides,
Now the tables do turn,
When it's all gone, what's left for you?
“Please,” I was pleading with her now, “you and I both know I can't always be around for you. You need something to fall back on. It'd be such a waste to drop out if...”
This was more than just having the education. This was more than just making sure she could get a job when she needed to make ends meet. This was more than assuring both of us that she would always have some sort of soft landing if she stumbled. This was good for her. She needed to taste what she was made of so she could have the power to trek on later.
It suddenly didn't matter anymore if I couldn't function properly without her. The true question was a startlingly simple one, and I wondered why it hadn't ever occurred to me before.
Could she function properly without me? If something happened; if we stopped caring for one another; if I got hurt; if I died, would she...could she find the strength to stay on her chosen path, or would she choose the easy, cowardly road?
If I could, I would be there to catch her when she fell for always and eternity.
But I can't.
And when the sky is falling,
Don't look outside the window,
Step back and hear I'm calling,
Give up, don't take the fast road,
It's just your doubt that binds you,
Just drop those thoughts behind you now (now),
Change your mind, you let go too soon...
“If what, Mac?” she asked, her tone challengingly brazen and demanding, the way she sometimes got when she felt as if she'd been cornered, “If you leave me?”
“No!” I said louder than I meant to, knowing exactly where her mind had gone and horrified that she'd even considered the idea of me abandoning her on purpose, “No, that's not going to happen...it's just that...i-if something else happens...like if I get hit by a bus tomorrow o-or get diagnosed with cancer and end up having two months to live or -”
“Don't be ridiculous, Mac,” it broke my heart how defensive she was being when I only wanted to try and help...to show her that I was just as flawed as everyone else, to show her that she was stronger than she thought, “none of that's going to happen and you know it.”
“I don't,” I insisted, feeling desperate tears prick at the corners of my eyes, “I don't know. And neither do you. Nobody does.”
Don't run away, start feeling fine,
It's better than your worst, your worst day,
No words to say, I'll give you mine,
And pocket all the hurt, just stay,
Don't run away,
It's better than your worst, your worst day...
A silence stretched between us, neither quite sure what else could be said that hadn't already been said before.
My mind flashed once again back to the time when I'd kissed her under the stars in this very same place. Suddenly I remembered why I had felt the need to kiss her at that particular time and place.
“Paige, do you remember the day after my step-dad's trial?” I asked, laying back on the hard, slick plastic and putting one hand beneath my head. I couldn't think of any other way to get her to change her mind. She was so stubborn...
“Of course,” she replied, sounding a bit confused, “you hardly said a word. I was worried sick about you...what's that got to do with anything?”
I ignored the question. “Do you remember what I told you when I did talk?”
I could almost sense her rueful smile. “That you wanted me to run away with you.”
“And what did you tell me?”
And when the sky is falling,
Don't look outside the window,
Step back and hear I'm calling,
Give up, don't take the fast road,
And when the sky is falling,
Don't look outside the window,
Step back and hear I'm calling,
Give up, don't take the fast road (don't take the fast road),
It's just your doubt that binds you,
Just drop those thoughts behind you now (now),
I'll change your mind, you let go too soon...
A short pause, and then a defeated sigh. “That you should face up to your problems 'cause they won't go away if you run away from them.”
“And then?” I pressed, hoping she remembered the last part.
Her voice quivered again, and this time I was sure that it was because she was crying or was about to start crying. But I didn't feel guilty about it because I knew they weren't tears of sadness; there were some things in life that were so pure, so good, so sweet that we couldn't think of any better response then to cry.
“You thought about it for a little while then you said...” she swallowed hard, “you said that I was right. It would make you that much stronger and make it that much easier to pick me up when it was my turn to stumble.”
“Exactly.”
I let those words sink in, feeling an enormous wave of relief wash over me now that it seemed that she had calmed down. Maybe now she could see that I needed her to be brave; needed to see that I could trust her to be independent should something happen the next day.
“Paige?”
She sniffled. “Yeah, Mac?”
“I need you to be strong, sweetheart.”
She actually laughed. “I think I'll have to be; Lord knows how heavy you are.”
I found myself laughing too. “Love you, Paige.”
“I love you too, butterball.”
Change your mind, you let go too soon (don't run away),
Change your mind, you let go too soon (don't run away),
I'll change your mind, you let go too soon (don't run away),
Change your mind.
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A/N: These two are pretty much my favorite pairing ever. They're just so cute, man...the enthusiastic dreamer girl and the sturdy practical boy just balance each other out really well, I think.
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