Categories > Celebrities > My Chemical Romance > How To Bang Miley Cyrus by Gerard Way
-Gerard's P.O.V.- [as usual]
"Come on, kids! Rise and shine! It's a new day and we are going to go have some fun!", my mom said as she softly shook me.
"Umph. Blidlaflabbadarnaypla...", was my response, as usual when she tried to wake me up.
"What?... What is that? A dinosaur?... I never heard of it, must be new. Now wake up! You are the one that suggested we do something fun and have a road trip to Tennesse!", she replied.
Oh yeah... I did suggest that... Why?! Why the fuck did I suggest that?!
"Ehhhhhhh!", I said, which means five more minutes in my sleepy talk language.
"Alright! Five more minutes and then wake up! I did not prepare and get excited for nothing! It's also been a long time we all had a trip as a family and it is going to be a nice cultural experience.", my mom said as she exited my room.
I checked to see if a body occupied the other bed in my room, which belonged to my brother. Just as I expected, there he was, clutching the blankets for dear life. I guess we have one thing in common, we love our sleepytime.
I wonder what time it is... I checked the clock and it read 3:07 a.m.
"Why is it three frikn' oh seven in the morning?! Why?! Who the fuck wakes up at this hour?!", I screamed.
This startled the seemingly unconscious other body in my room because he jumped out of the bed. Then he slowly rose up, reaching for his glasses, put them on and gave me a dirty look. I simply just laid back like nothing happened.
"Yes, Michael? Is there a reason why you're kneeling, frozen, and giving me dirty looks, or do you just have problems?", I asked as fresh as possible.
He did not respond, just kept doing what he previously did before I asked the question.
"Okay then...", I said, breaking the silence.
"What the fuck, man?!", he yelled.
"Dirty, dirty boy. Watch your mouth and respect people. It's all about the respect, sonny. That's the first thing they teach you as a freshman.", I responded.
"Look who's talkin'.", Mikey said.
"Well, I'm cool when I do it. You look ridiculous when you do it! When you're seventeen, then we'll see.", I said.
As soon as I finished speaking, he drifted right back to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Hehehe... I have an idea... The classic bucket of water. I'll be nice and warn him first.
"Wake up sleepyhead, or else I'll throw a bucket of water on you. Remember the surprise we said we were planning for the family last night? You can find out by waking up!", I said.
"You wouldn't dare.", he replied.
"Don't you wanna kow what we've been planning? You've been bugging everyone to tell you!", I responded.
"The surprise can wait, I am tired and you aren't making it any better.", Mikey said.
"Well, then. You've been warned...", I responded with an eery tone.
"Ehhhh!", he said.
"Hmph. Fine, but I will get you later. I've always wanted to throw a bucket of water on someone. You should wake up in five minutes though, 'cause I'm excited! Wheeee!", I said while skipping out of the room.
Now let's see what's for breakfast. Yay! Mom's makin' waffles and dressed like a hick... So is dad. Matching idiots. Oh yeah, they were meant for each other. Hehehe, I'm such a mean person.
"Good morning parents! How are you today?!", I asked.
"Great, really. I can't wait for this trip! It's going to be so much fun! Woo!", dad said.
As he was finishing his sentence, Mikey came into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and yawning, then lazily took a seat next to me.
"What'd he plan?", Mikey asked.
"Your lovely brother planned a nice road trip and then we are all going sight seeing in Tennesse.", my dad responded.
While my dad said all this, it was registering in Mikey's brain and seemed like he was putting a puzzle piece together.
"Hmm... Oh!... Hey! Is this how I'm spending my five day weekend?! I bet he only wants to go because-...", as he said this, I smacked the backside of his head, for I knew what he was going to say.
He knew exactly why I planned this. Yes, this has to do with the dare. I admit, I'm obsessed. Well I got nothin' better to do and I really wanna win. And maybe it's a little more than that, but... Oh well!
"Hey!", my father said, immediately following with a hard smack on the backside of my head.
"Sorry.", I said, not wanting a repeat of some other times I tried to talk back. Not much of good times.
"Alright, you all have twenty minutes to pack after you eat and get ready. Pack up three days amount of supplies for yourself and anything you think is necessary. When you're all done, meet at the car and then we'll all go on that road trip!", mom said excitedly.
A chorus of yes, mhm, and ok's were said.
I was walking up the stairs and my mother stopped me to say, "Oh and Gerard, sweetie, bring some extra undies because we don't need any inconvenient accidents like last time."
"Err... Yes, m'am.", I responded.
While we had this nice, little conversation, Mikey and dad were laughing and making jokes behind my back. Remind me to stuff some things down their pants later.
Okay I need to bring...
Cell phone.
Magazines and comic books.
Drawing pad and pencils.
Gameboy.
My journal and notes I take about the dare.
Underwear, of course.
Some jeans, sweatpants, shirts, socks, yadda yadda.
I'm good. Now I'll just groom myself and get to the car. What an exciting day ahead. I'm sure my prey would love to see me.
-15 minutes later-
Alright! All done! I look smexy. Time to meet up at the car and further plan what I must do.
"Plan what? How much planning could a guy do?!", my brother asked.
"Oh shit! You can read minds?!", I asked, dumbfounded.
"...No... You were talking aloud, and of course I can hear you. Why are you so obsessed with that?! God, it's not even worth much, but you make it seem like if you don't do it, it's the end of the world.", he said.
Wow, I feel stupid. I guess I was talking aloud. Pfft, fine I'm obsessed, but I'm not admitting that to you.
"Well... You see... Eh, whatever.", I responded, and with that I took off to meet everyone at the car.
In front of my house, I saw a my friend, Frank Iero looking like he is meeting someone.
"Hey, Gerard! You ready?", he questioned.
"For my road trip? Yes. What are you doing here?", I asked.
"Your parents invited me and my family to go with you! We're gonna have fun!", Frank said.
"Ooh, awesome! We're gonna do great things together... Mwahahahaha!", I laughed.
He took a step back. I assume he was creeped.
"Yo! Why do people always do that?! I'm not that creepy!", I said.
"You can be creepier than you think...", he replied.
"Hehehe, well then I guess I can use that to my advantage someday.", I stated.
_____________________________________________
-In the car-
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?", was what the three of us, me, my brother, and Frank, were asking continuously.
We stopped getting a response the fiftieth time we asked, but continued to ask anyways, since we were bored.
"Daddy! My ass hurts! Can't you drive faster?!", I asked.
My dad, annoyed, answered, "You know what?! I'm going to stop at this rest stop right here to do something very important."
"Thank Jesus Christ, man!",I yelled in relief.
Everyone was completely dead silent and fearful. Was I oblivious to something?
We all shot out of the car and all headed for the restrooms in the rest stop, but I was stopped by my father turning me around in his direction.
"Your ass hurts?! Come here! Let me make it better!", he yelled in the angriest tone and the reddest face.
Dammit, he's going to do something I won't like, isn't he?
He grabbed a windshield wiper and I knew exactly what he was going to do with it. I started to run, hoping I can out run him and he'll get tired, so he'll eventually give up.
-6 minutes later-
"Aaaahhhh! Since when were you good at running?!", I said, out of breath.
"I run on the treadmill everyday! I knew it would pay off one day!", he answered.
I collapsed on the ground, giving my father the chance to do what he wanted with the windshield wiper. May I add people were in crowds watching and taking pictures?
As I expected, I was being whipped on the you-know-where, and boy, I almost fainted.
I could hear him screaming things like, "You're the oldest! Set an example for the younger ones!" or "Stop embarrassing me in front of everyone! You're seventeen! Stop acting like a baby!" and "Next time we're not taking you along! You're grounded when we go home!"
While this event was taking place, I could see someone familiar coming into view with a... camera phone. Figures.
Why is that guy so familiar?!
"Yeeeee, doggies! What an event! This is going to be my screensaver!", said the awkward, familiar dude.
"Oh my fucking God! It's Billy Ray Cyrus!", my mother, no doubt, screamed.
Instantaneously, my dad paused what he was doing, squealed and headed for the same guy everyone who crowded around me before were running to.
"Haha, oh man. He really does talk like that, don't he?", I said.
I really thought this was hilarious.
"Hey, you alright?", Frank asked.
"Let me do the same to you and then you'll see how stupid that was of a question!", I yelled.
Shit, I'm sore.
"Sheesh, I was trying to be nice. Hey, look!", he said.
Ooh la la. It's my target going into the bathroom. Time to go say hi!
There's only one problem though,I can't fuckin' walk!
"Dude, help me up. I can't move.", I commanded.
"Mkay. Can I get a dollar first?", he asked.
"...No! I'm asking you to be a good person and help me!", I yelled.
"Hehehe, who cares. I can get it out of your pocket now anyways and you can't do anything or move. Hah!", Frank stated.
He was right, I couldn't do anythign about it.
"I'll get you later.", I said and he just snickered in response.
"Alright just sit me over there on that chair and when she comes out of the bathroom, she'll see me.... Okay, thanks! I'll tell you how it goes.", I said.
"No need. I'm going to be watching right here. Should be interesting!", Frank said.
It sure will be.
Ooh, here she comes.
"Hello, dearie.", I said.
She just gave me the most surprising look and gaped at me.
"...Why the heck do I see you everywhere I go?!", she replied.
"I don't know. It could be fate. Hehehe. Ain't it grand?", I answered.
"I could swear you're stalking me. You creep me out. Understand?! Stop coming near me! I don't like you at all! Can you understand that?! I'm trying to be nice, but it's just this one last time...", she said.
"I see what you mean, babey! Come gimme a little sugguh!", I commanded.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!", was what I hear from two boys I know all too well.
I can see from Miley's facial expression that she was getting completely frustrated and just wanted to kill me. Glaring and a red face tells it all.
"Daddy! Come here! You need to see this!", she screamed.
He was strolling down in our direction.
"Yeah, sweetie?", he questioned.
"You see this boy? This is the boy that's been perving and doing nasty things to me and hinting crap! Make him stop!", she whined.
Oh god, shutup.
"Ohh! So you're the asshole that's been being provocative with m'daughter?!", her father said with a heavy accent.
"Hah, it's not called being provocative, hicky. I was just-...", I said with the perfectly imitated Tennesse accent, but for some reason, I couldn't finish my sentence.
_________________________________________________________
White walls.
White bed.
I'm in a robe!
I.V. tube.
Holy shit! I got a needle in me.
What happened?...
I feel so abused, damn. Everywhere hurts.
I could hear a voice saying, "You know what you did was wrong and you can't ever pull this off. This can't be a substitute and you know it."
Thoughts flooded into my mind, but I was too exhausted so I fell into a deep sleep.
Rule #6: Don't make a bad impression on the family, or make enemies.
____________________________________________________________________
Rate and review please! :D
I hopes you like it. ^-^
"Come on, kids! Rise and shine! It's a new day and we are going to go have some fun!", my mom said as she softly shook me.
"Umph. Blidlaflabbadarnaypla...", was my response, as usual when she tried to wake me up.
"What?... What is that? A dinosaur?... I never heard of it, must be new. Now wake up! You are the one that suggested we do something fun and have a road trip to Tennesse!", she replied.
Oh yeah... I did suggest that... Why?! Why the fuck did I suggest that?!
"Ehhhhhhh!", I said, which means five more minutes in my sleepy talk language.
"Alright! Five more minutes and then wake up! I did not prepare and get excited for nothing! It's also been a long time we all had a trip as a family and it is going to be a nice cultural experience.", my mom said as she exited my room.
I checked to see if a body occupied the other bed in my room, which belonged to my brother. Just as I expected, there he was, clutching the blankets for dear life. I guess we have one thing in common, we love our sleepytime.
I wonder what time it is... I checked the clock and it read 3:07 a.m.
"Why is it three frikn' oh seven in the morning?! Why?! Who the fuck wakes up at this hour?!", I screamed.
This startled the seemingly unconscious other body in my room because he jumped out of the bed. Then he slowly rose up, reaching for his glasses, put them on and gave me a dirty look. I simply just laid back like nothing happened.
"Yes, Michael? Is there a reason why you're kneeling, frozen, and giving me dirty looks, or do you just have problems?", I asked as fresh as possible.
He did not respond, just kept doing what he previously did before I asked the question.
"Okay then...", I said, breaking the silence.
"What the fuck, man?!", he yelled.
"Dirty, dirty boy. Watch your mouth and respect people. It's all about the respect, sonny. That's the first thing they teach you as a freshman.", I responded.
"Look who's talkin'.", Mikey said.
"Well, I'm cool when I do it. You look ridiculous when you do it! When you're seventeen, then we'll see.", I said.
As soon as I finished speaking, he drifted right back to sleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. Hehehe... I have an idea... The classic bucket of water. I'll be nice and warn him first.
"Wake up sleepyhead, or else I'll throw a bucket of water on you. Remember the surprise we said we were planning for the family last night? You can find out by waking up!", I said.
"You wouldn't dare.", he replied.
"Don't you wanna kow what we've been planning? You've been bugging everyone to tell you!", I responded.
"The surprise can wait, I am tired and you aren't making it any better.", Mikey said.
"Well, then. You've been warned...", I responded with an eery tone.
"Ehhhh!", he said.
"Hmph. Fine, but I will get you later. I've always wanted to throw a bucket of water on someone. You should wake up in five minutes though, 'cause I'm excited! Wheeee!", I said while skipping out of the room.
Now let's see what's for breakfast. Yay! Mom's makin' waffles and dressed like a hick... So is dad. Matching idiots. Oh yeah, they were meant for each other. Hehehe, I'm such a mean person.
"Good morning parents! How are you today?!", I asked.
"Great, really. I can't wait for this trip! It's going to be so much fun! Woo!", dad said.
As he was finishing his sentence, Mikey came into the kitchen, rubbing his eyes and yawning, then lazily took a seat next to me.
"What'd he plan?", Mikey asked.
"Your lovely brother planned a nice road trip and then we are all going sight seeing in Tennesse.", my dad responded.
While my dad said all this, it was registering in Mikey's brain and seemed like he was putting a puzzle piece together.
"Hmm... Oh!... Hey! Is this how I'm spending my five day weekend?! I bet he only wants to go because-...", as he said this, I smacked the backside of his head, for I knew what he was going to say.
He knew exactly why I planned this. Yes, this has to do with the dare. I admit, I'm obsessed. Well I got nothin' better to do and I really wanna win. And maybe it's a little more than that, but... Oh well!
"Hey!", my father said, immediately following with a hard smack on the backside of my head.
"Sorry.", I said, not wanting a repeat of some other times I tried to talk back. Not much of good times.
"Alright, you all have twenty minutes to pack after you eat and get ready. Pack up three days amount of supplies for yourself and anything you think is necessary. When you're all done, meet at the car and then we'll all go on that road trip!", mom said excitedly.
A chorus of yes, mhm, and ok's were said.
I was walking up the stairs and my mother stopped me to say, "Oh and Gerard, sweetie, bring some extra undies because we don't need any inconvenient accidents like last time."
"Err... Yes, m'am.", I responded.
While we had this nice, little conversation, Mikey and dad were laughing and making jokes behind my back. Remind me to stuff some things down their pants later.
Okay I need to bring...
Cell phone.
Magazines and comic books.
Drawing pad and pencils.
Gameboy.
My journal and notes I take about the dare.
Underwear, of course.
Some jeans, sweatpants, shirts, socks, yadda yadda.
I'm good. Now I'll just groom myself and get to the car. What an exciting day ahead. I'm sure my prey would love to see me.
-15 minutes later-
Alright! All done! I look smexy. Time to meet up at the car and further plan what I must do.
"Plan what? How much planning could a guy do?!", my brother asked.
"Oh shit! You can read minds?!", I asked, dumbfounded.
"...No... You were talking aloud, and of course I can hear you. Why are you so obsessed with that?! God, it's not even worth much, but you make it seem like if you don't do it, it's the end of the world.", he said.
Wow, I feel stupid. I guess I was talking aloud. Pfft, fine I'm obsessed, but I'm not admitting that to you.
"Well... You see... Eh, whatever.", I responded, and with that I took off to meet everyone at the car.
In front of my house, I saw a my friend, Frank Iero looking like he is meeting someone.
"Hey, Gerard! You ready?", he questioned.
"For my road trip? Yes. What are you doing here?", I asked.
"Your parents invited me and my family to go with you! We're gonna have fun!", Frank said.
"Ooh, awesome! We're gonna do great things together... Mwahahahaha!", I laughed.
He took a step back. I assume he was creeped.
"Yo! Why do people always do that?! I'm not that creepy!", I said.
"You can be creepier than you think...", he replied.
"Hehehe, well then I guess I can use that to my advantage someday.", I stated.
_____________________________________________
-In the car-
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?"
"Are we there yet?", was what the three of us, me, my brother, and Frank, were asking continuously.
We stopped getting a response the fiftieth time we asked, but continued to ask anyways, since we were bored.
"Daddy! My ass hurts! Can't you drive faster?!", I asked.
My dad, annoyed, answered, "You know what?! I'm going to stop at this rest stop right here to do something very important."
"Thank Jesus Christ, man!",I yelled in relief.
Everyone was completely dead silent and fearful. Was I oblivious to something?
We all shot out of the car and all headed for the restrooms in the rest stop, but I was stopped by my father turning me around in his direction.
"Your ass hurts?! Come here! Let me make it better!", he yelled in the angriest tone and the reddest face.
Dammit, he's going to do something I won't like, isn't he?
He grabbed a windshield wiper and I knew exactly what he was going to do with it. I started to run, hoping I can out run him and he'll get tired, so he'll eventually give up.
-6 minutes later-
"Aaaahhhh! Since when were you good at running?!", I said, out of breath.
"I run on the treadmill everyday! I knew it would pay off one day!", he answered.
I collapsed on the ground, giving my father the chance to do what he wanted with the windshield wiper. May I add people were in crowds watching and taking pictures?
As I expected, I was being whipped on the you-know-where, and boy, I almost fainted.
I could hear him screaming things like, "You're the oldest! Set an example for the younger ones!" or "Stop embarrassing me in front of everyone! You're seventeen! Stop acting like a baby!" and "Next time we're not taking you along! You're grounded when we go home!"
While this event was taking place, I could see someone familiar coming into view with a... camera phone. Figures.
Why is that guy so familiar?!
"Yeeeee, doggies! What an event! This is going to be my screensaver!", said the awkward, familiar dude.
"Oh my fucking God! It's Billy Ray Cyrus!", my mother, no doubt, screamed.
Instantaneously, my dad paused what he was doing, squealed and headed for the same guy everyone who crowded around me before were running to.
"Haha, oh man. He really does talk like that, don't he?", I said.
I really thought this was hilarious.
"Hey, you alright?", Frank asked.
"Let me do the same to you and then you'll see how stupid that was of a question!", I yelled.
Shit, I'm sore.
"Sheesh, I was trying to be nice. Hey, look!", he said.
Ooh la la. It's my target going into the bathroom. Time to go say hi!
There's only one problem though,I can't fuckin' walk!
"Dude, help me up. I can't move.", I commanded.
"Mkay. Can I get a dollar first?", he asked.
"...No! I'm asking you to be a good person and help me!", I yelled.
"Hehehe, who cares. I can get it out of your pocket now anyways and you can't do anything or move. Hah!", Frank stated.
He was right, I couldn't do anythign about it.
"I'll get you later.", I said and he just snickered in response.
"Alright just sit me over there on that chair and when she comes out of the bathroom, she'll see me.... Okay, thanks! I'll tell you how it goes.", I said.
"No need. I'm going to be watching right here. Should be interesting!", Frank said.
It sure will be.
Ooh, here she comes.
"Hello, dearie.", I said.
She just gave me the most surprising look and gaped at me.
"...Why the heck do I see you everywhere I go?!", she replied.
"I don't know. It could be fate. Hehehe. Ain't it grand?", I answered.
"I could swear you're stalking me. You creep me out. Understand?! Stop coming near me! I don't like you at all! Can you understand that?! I'm trying to be nice, but it's just this one last time...", she said.
"I see what you mean, babey! Come gimme a little sugguh!", I commanded.
"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!", was what I hear from two boys I know all too well.
I can see from Miley's facial expression that she was getting completely frustrated and just wanted to kill me. Glaring and a red face tells it all.
"Daddy! Come here! You need to see this!", she screamed.
He was strolling down in our direction.
"Yeah, sweetie?", he questioned.
"You see this boy? This is the boy that's been perving and doing nasty things to me and hinting crap! Make him stop!", she whined.
Oh god, shutup.
"Ohh! So you're the asshole that's been being provocative with m'daughter?!", her father said with a heavy accent.
"Hah, it's not called being provocative, hicky. I was just-...", I said with the perfectly imitated Tennesse accent, but for some reason, I couldn't finish my sentence.
_________________________________________________________
White walls.
White bed.
I'm in a robe!
I.V. tube.
Holy shit! I got a needle in me.
What happened?...
I feel so abused, damn. Everywhere hurts.
I could hear a voice saying, "You know what you did was wrong and you can't ever pull this off. This can't be a substitute and you know it."
Thoughts flooded into my mind, but I was too exhausted so I fell into a deep sleep.
Rule #6: Don't make a bad impression on the family, or make enemies.
____________________________________________________________________
Rate and review please! :D
I hopes you like it. ^-^
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