Categories > TV > Buffy the Vampire Slayer

by Midknight_J 1 review

On a Council arranged tour of the BRPD Xander meets some interesting characters.

Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Rating: G - Genres: Crossover,Humor - Characters: Xander - Published: 2008-10-18 - Updated: 2008-10-19 - 772 words

Standard stuff. I own very little, certainly not Buffy or Hellboy. I'm too poor for that.

For the Twinkie

Xander was definitely impressed as he was coming to the tail end of his tour of the federal installation arranged by the new Council and the government. The Bureau of Paranormal Research was a far cry from the old Initiative program. Which made sense since it had been around longer and thus had learned the lessons only experience can teach. Plus they were run by sane people, always helpful.

His guide on this tour wasn’t what he expected and only served to further remove the BRPD from the Initiative in his mind. Abe Sapien was the guides name, a kind, and wise and intelligent man. His most striking characteristic was the fact that he was some sort of fish creature. The closest thing Xander could find for comparison was what the swim team coach turned the team into back in high school. He actually reminded Xander of some sort of amphibious Giles.

“He should be in here.” Abe told him, bring Xander out of his thoughts as his guide led him to a door.

Xander couldn’t help but gape at the workout room laid before him as the door opened. Even at a casual glance one could tell everything here was custom made. A quick look at the ones that used weights and you knew these were for people far stronger than a human. He had to get a set up like this for Slayer HQ back in Cleveland.

Abe looked at Xander strangely as he all but drooled over the equipment. The young man seemed to be totally engrossed in the machines, barely sparing a glance for the large, muscular red demon pumping iron in the corner of the room. It would seem that state of the art superhuman level training facilities were amazing. Large red skinned demons? Old hat.

“Alexander.” Abe called to get the one eyed man’s attention. “This way please.”

A grin was still plastered on Xander’s face as he followed Abe, still making workout room plans in his head. He was led to where the demon was, who stopped his workout as they approached.

“Hey fishsticks, who’s the fresh meat?” The demon said as he stood, flexing his oversized, stone gauntleted right hand.

“This is Alexander Harris from the Watchers Council.” Abe told him. “Alexander this, as you’ve probably guessed, is Hellboy.”

“Hellboy huh? Kinda takes the fun out of finding an annoying nickname but I’m sure I’m up to the challenge.”

Hellboy chuckled as he lit a cigar. “Watchers Council? You work with Slayers then? What do you do wash their laundry?”

“I do a little of everything.” Xander told him lightly, not rising to the obvious bait. “Liaison to other organizations, cook, patrol, repair the things they break, train them-”

“Train them?” Hellboy interrupted sceptically.

Xander replied indignantly. “Yes, just because they have powers doesn’t mean they know how to fight and, more importantly, survive.”

“Good.” Hellboy said as he bodily shoved Xander over to the training mats. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Xander said as he pulled a Twinkie from his coat pocket and unwrapped it. A Twinkie that suddenly vanished as Hellboy grabbed it and shoved it whole in his mouth. The demon seemed complete oblivious to the dark look that crossed Xander’s features. “Let’s do it.”

Liz Sherman followed the strange sounds of screams of rage and cries of pain that were reverberating down the corridors. It unsettled many of the agents but seeing as they heard Hellboy’s voice mixed in they decided discretion was the better part of valour. Liz, however, felt different.

After a few minutes she came to the door leading into the Hellboy’s training room. Cautiously she opened the door only to stop short at the sight before her.

“Good afternoon Liz.” Abe said startling her from his place beside the door. She didn’t answer him as she continued to be mesmerized by the battle on the training mats. Well, perhaps battle wasn’t the right word to use, more like excessive pummelling.

“For the love of god not the face!” Came the cry from the mats.


“Back to the face! Back to the face!”

Finally Liz found her voice. “Shouldn’t we put a stop to this.”

“No,” Abe told her as he shook his head. “He has to learn his lesson.”

“What lesson?”

“Don’t take Alexander’s Twinkies apparently.”
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